Can't Stop, Won't Stop

In the last few days I've had people accuse me of preaching at them, been told I'm ranting, raving, and shouting into the air because of my Facebook posts and blogs. I've been told what I'm saying is worthless and divisive and giving publicity to racists. I've been told to stop, to support my president, and to move on. I've had people assume I'm not praying for the situation because I'm publicly speaking out against it. I've been accused of talking a lot but not doing enough.

And you know what, they might be right. I might be screaming at the top of my lungs into an abyss of nothingness where my words will dissipate and float away without anyone ever hearing them.

But I don't care.

For those of you that feel that way, that I need to stop or I'm causing problems needlessly, please let me explain why this is so important to me.

I want to be clear that I don't care if you voted for Trump or not. I don't think you're a racist or that you approve of the horrendously racist things that have been happening around our country in the name of Trump since Tuesday. I trust you made the best decision you could. And that's fine.

But that doesn't change the fact that THOUSANDS of people are now being bullied and harassed in the name of our new president-elect. If you don't believe me, follow Shaun King on Facebook or Twitter, who's keeping track of what's been happening. Look it up on CNN. I won't post the hundreds of articles I've seen here, I'll let you do your own research. But please believe me when I say it's happening. I know people personally, I have friends who know people personally, who have been harassed in the name of Trump this week. It's true. I know it's hard to accept, it's hard to believe, it's easy to pretend it's not happening, but it is. There's no way around it.

Why do I feel the need to speak out about it? Because ignoring it and refusing to acknowledge it is

extremely hurtful to the people it's happening to. By keeping silent we're allowing this to continue, saying it's not worth our time or our breath. We're showing how easy it is for us to pretend it's not happening, because it's not happening to US. It's not giving racists publicity, it's exposing them for what they are. Bringing their actions to light. Ephesians 5:11 even says, "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them." Sins in the dark, in secret, have power. Exposing them to the light robs them of that power.

I had someone tell me the other day that talking about it doesn't help, but if they saw it happening they'd step in. That's great. So would I. But how often do we really see this type of racism in person? Most of us live in white, Christian bubbles. I know I do, at least. I have never in my life seen an act of blatant racism in person. Does that mean I get to ignore the fact that it's happening all over the country today?

Ask yourself this- if your 16 year old daughter was screamed at and called names and told she was going to be deported by a grown man in a public parking lot, would you stay quiet? Would you tell her to move on and quit whining because she's causing more problems by being vocal? I sincerely doubt it. So why should we ask that others who are hurting and scared keep quiet?

It is OUR responsibility, as the majority, to speak out publicly and tell our gay, Muslim, black, and Hispanic neighbors that we do NOT agree with this, we are sorry it's happening and we'll stand with them and protect them.

It's more important than ever, especially for Christians. Over 80% of white evangelicals voted for Trump, so the longer white evangelicals stay quiet about this wave of racism the longer our minority brothers and sisters think we approve of it. I know we don't, but we have to TELL THEM. We have to show them we love them. We can't assume they know it. If you voted for Trump, you're still allowed to speak out against racism being committed in his name. It's not being hypocritical, it's not an indirect apology, it's simply saying you're sorry this is happening and you don't approve. That's all.

So why talk about it on Facebook? First of all, it's important for people to understand that social media is my generation's main hub of communication. To me, sharing articles and writing blog posts is no different than Thomas Paine's Common Sense pamphlet or Martin Luther's 95 Theses (I mean it's probably different in quality, but you get my point). Both those men had messages and they shared those messages the best way they could, through writing and pamphlets and papers. They used the mediums they had access to to share what they felt was important. You think if Thomas Paine had access to Facebook he still would've printed hundreds of copies of a pamphlet and handed them out in the street?

Our world is different now. It just is. Messages that used to be shared in taverns or town halls or street corners are now being shared online.

Is Facebook the best medium for these things? Definitely not (although I would've loved to see

Luther's responses to the comment section on his 95 Theses blog). But for me, it's what I have access to. Believe it or not, no one has offered to give me a TV show or a radio program or even a weekly article in the paper. I know, surprising right? But for now, Facebook is my platform. Blog posts are my outlet.

I feel compelled to keep talking, keep sharing, keep being vocal about these things that are so important to me. And I'm going to do it in whatever way I can. And for now, that means Facebook and Twitter and blogs (until they offer me that TV deal).

Please understand, I hate controversy, I hate arguments on Facebook, I hate all of this. I don't share these things because I find it fun or entertaining. I feel sick every time I get a new Facebook notification because I'm afraid it's someone starting another fight or saying something hurtful, and I'm so uncomfortable with that tension.

But that's exactly why I feel like I have to fight through it. I have the option of stopping, of leaving that tension behind. But you know who doesn't? The Hispanic child who's the object of "Build the Wall!" chants in their classroom, or the Asian teenager being called a "yellow b****" by strange men, or the black woman who got a note on her car that said "N**** aren't welcome here. Go back to Africa. Watch your back. Trump 2016."

These people can't leave that tension behind, so neither will I.

This is Why We're Scared

Someone asked me a really important question today.

I post a lot about Trump and the fear people have, but they asked- "Why? What are people afraid of? What do they think is going to happen?"

This is a GREAT question. So many of us, especially middle class white people, can't even begin to understand why so many minorities are scared right now. And I get it. Until you've experienced some type of assault or racism or sexism, you can't understand it. But I am begging you to try to see where the rest of us are coming from, try to understand why we feel the way we do.

So here was my answer:

Many people believe Trump is a racist. He has said so many racist, bigoted, and sexist things in his lifetime. I know that not every agrees that he's a racist, but many of us believe he is. The KKK endorsed him, he wants to build a wall to keep Hispanics out and wants to stop allowing refugees in. His campaign was (to many of us) built on a platform of fear and dislike of minorities.

So the fact that a majority of Americans supported him seems to say that a majority of Americans don't want minorities in their country. And that's very scary if you're a minority. America has a history of oppressing minorities or people we're afraid of. Native Americans, slavery, Japanese internment camps during WWII, Arabs after 9/11. We tend to be a pretty racist bunch. And normally presidents denounce that sort of behavior, but to many it feels like Trump encourages it.

So it's not so much that we're waiting for one specific event to happen. It's much more a spirit of fear among minorities knowing that (from what they've seen) white Americans don't want them here. And it is scary to think what that could lead do. Whether or not Trump is a racist, his fame and campaign has seemed to make a lot of people feel like it's ok to be racist and to be afraid of people who are different. And we've seen from our history what happens when people feel comfortable being racist.

It's also a fear for women to know our president has publicly joked about assaulting them. I can't even tell you how many people I know that have been victims of assault and are now being forced to re-live their attacks because of Trump's words. There are hispanic children in schools being bullied and told they're going to be sent "back home" because "Mexicans shouldn't be here." People have chanted "Build the wall!" at Hispanic teenagers who were simply standing in line outside a store.

People feel comfortable being racist now because they think their president endorses it. It doesn't matter if he really does or not because they believe he does and it makes them feel powerful. And what's even more dangerous is that middle class white people (who aren't racist and don't see or experience this type of racism every) think that nothing will or could happen. Many people think America is above that or we're too advanced to do that. And that's dangerous, because when we stop being aware of what's going on is when radical, racist people make their move and become powerful.

This is not a comparison to Hitler because I think Trump is Hitler, just to be clear. But before WWII TONS of Germans were supportive of Hitler because he promised them good things and they thought there was no way he would do something as insane as murdering 6 million Jews. They didn't believe it because it seemed so crazy to them. So when they weren't looking, it happened. Because the average, moderate person wasn't paying attention or realizing how dangerous that kind of rhetoric was because to them it seemed like it would never happen (and it wouldn't affect them so they weren't worried about finding out if it could happen).

So again, it's not that there's 1 specific event people are afraid of, but they are afraid of the general spirit in America right now, knowing that over half the country approves of a man many believe is incredibly racist and sexist. And they don't know what that means for their future. It may mean more hate crimes, it may mean deportation or bullying or feeling unsafe in their own homes. But the point is that a president is giving racists power and strength and a voice. And that's very scary.

Trump may not be racist himself, it's entirely possible he's just capitalized on what he knew would win him votes. One friend said, "I don't think Trump is particularly racist, at least any more than a lot of 70 year olds, but I do think he's an amoral opportunist who knew he had to differentiate himself in a large pool of candidates and he used latent racism in the country to get his start. Many of us said this was bad not because he would round people up, but because of things like this. Everyone knows there's cockroaches around, but if your roommate starts feeding them and you find them on your toothbrush you're still gonna be pissed and blame him for it."

But the point is that racism is now almost acceptable in our country. And many are afraid of what that means for their future.

If you want examples, here are a number of them.

This is a group of middle schoolers chanting "Build the Wall!"

This is a list of troubling events that happened on the very first day of Trump being president-elect, including graffiti that said "Make America White Again" and "Black Lives don't matter and neither do your votes."

This is a school in Pennsylvania where the school leadership had to have a convocation and send a letter home because kids were yelling "cotton picker" at black students and doing Heil Hitler salutes.

So please, white people, Christians, middle class Americans, don't turn a blind eye to what's happening just because it's not happening to you. Don't ignore the turmoil our black, Muslim, and gay brothers and sisters are going through. I beg you to do more research, keep an open mind, talk to people that have a different opinion than you and be willing to listen.

You might not be racist and you might not be sexist and Trump might not even be any of those things, but there are people that ARE those things. And we've given them power. And that is terrifying.

You may have voted for Trump. And it's ok. It's done now and there's no point in us continuing to fight about it. So now is the time to stand with us, stand up for the voiceless, speak out against hate, go out of your way to do something kind for an immigrant and show them that WE LOVE THEM no matter what happens. You say you aren't racist, you aren't sexist, you only voted for Trump for economic or religious reasons. Fine. Let's SHOW IT! Show the world we aren't racist, show the world we love everyone, show the world we can rise above.

Christians, let's stand up together, stand up for love and for acceptance and let's show the world who Jesus really is and what his followers are capable of and willing to do in the name of love.

I Don't Think You Get It

I'm sad today. But I don't know if you really get why.

I don't think very many of you understand how deeply some of us are hurting today. This is not a normal election, it's not that we're sad our candidate lost or we're unsure of the politics of our new president. This is unlike any other election we've ever had.

We're worried for our gay friends, our black friends, our Muslim friends. We're worried that our government is going to encourage hatred or at the very least turn a blind eye to it.  We're worried that sexual assault victims will continue to be shamed because now there's a presidential precedent for it. We're afraid that if we gain weight it's now ok to publicly mock us on Twitter for being fat.

But most of all, for me at least, today marks one of the most disappointing days of my life. Again, not because we don't like our president or because we disagree with him. But because we realized our entire nation isn't what we thought it was. I am totally and completely disillusioned with our country. And it's heartbreaking to me. I love America. I have always believe that it stood for truth, for good, for the love of others. And today I'm realizing that's simply not true. Fear and hatred won out. And it's hard. And it's sad.

I'm going to be honest, I'm also feeling disappointed by my Christian family, by the church as a whole. I want to be clear- I know many good Christian people that voted for Trump. It made me sad and I don't understand it, but I believe many of you who did, did so with the best of intentions. I don't question your faith or your careful thought. But it still hurts me. Because to me, I genuinely do not understand how you can side with someone who is so full of hate and lies and cruelty. He has admitted to and joked about sexually assaulting women. I am now supposed to think this man will keep me safe, my country safe, other women safe. That's hard for me to understand. Again, I don't question your Christianity, I don't question your love for the Lord or for others, but I genuinely don't understand how or why you made the choice you did. And it's hard. And it's sad.

So many people are saying to get over it, that it's over and done, that we need to support him now that he's elected. But I just don't agree. I cannot simply get over the fact that we've allowed this man to lead us.

One of the things I struggle with most is how I seem to be on the complete opposite side of so many

people I love and respect. I understand (and completely respect) having separate political beliefs. I think it's important and necessary. But to believe SO differently about a person's character than so many other Christians-- Am I wrong? Are they wrong? Are both of us wrong to a certain extent? Is it really ok to support a man who has said such awful, ungodly things in public? How can people I love and admire be ok with that? I just honestly don't understand. I'm trying to, I really am. I want to! But so far I can't. And it just makes me overwhelmingly sad.

I feel like an outcast, a pariah among the church. That I am somehow lesser for my desire to stand up for what I believe, that I should keep quiet and join the crowd, that I'm being divisive and un-Christian by speaking up. And I feel very alone.

Am I? Am I wrong? Is Jesus not who I thought he was? Does he not stand for what I thought he did? Is it ok to put a cruel man in power because we agree with him on some issues? Should we put ourselves and our families' safety before the safety of immigrants and refugees? Do we not need to stand up for the voiceless because we don't agree with their lifestyle? Can we really ignore such terrifying character flaws? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm not being sardonic. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad or guilty for their choice. I am just genuinely struggling through this, through what I thought I knew to be true. And I don't understand.

Honestly, today has been one of the biggest faith struggles I've ever had. People are saying God has answered their prayers with Trump, that God made his choice. That's not untrue. But what about my prayers? What about the prayers of the people that are afraid they're getting deported as soon as he's instated? What about the prayers of the sexual assault victims who were terrified of being reminded of their assault day after day by a President who has made light of it? Were we on the wrong side of this? Is this really what God wants? How could I have been so wrong?

I genuinely don't understand. I'm not really angry, maybe a little bitter, but for the most part, I am genuinely confused. And sad. Because I don't get it. I don't get how people can be ok with this. I'm not trying to be dramatic or inflammatory, I just honestly don't get it.

I want to reiterate that none of this is meant to be a judgment of anyone who has or will now support Trump. I know you probably did not do so easily and I don't question your faith or your love for minorities or the outcasts. I really don't.

But I am wholeheartedly struggling through this, struggling to understand what happened and why. And where I fit in. Because right now I have no idea.

So please, for the sake of those of us who are hurting deeply, down to our very core, don't tell us to get over it, don't say we're being dramatic or sore losers. It's so much more than that. Give us grace and give us time and space to figure out what's next for us, how we move on, how we rejoin families and churches who we feel have let us down, and how we continue to protect and stand up for those who can't themselves. Because it's going to be a long, hard road. And it won't be easy.

When the Winners are Losers

So, I (obviously) have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this election. But please, let me make one more plea to those of you considering voting for Trump.

If you want to vote for a conservative because of the Supreme Court, economic issues, abortion, that's fine! I get it! Vote for Evan McMullin. He's an awesome choice for all those things. Or Gary Johnson. Or write in Jesus.

I've heard a lot of people say, "But a third party candidate will never win. It's a wasted vote."

Here's my question: Since when did we start making our decisions based on who's going to win? Since when is that an acceptable way to make a choice?

Would you ever teach a kid to take the side of a bully over a victim because it was clear the bully was going to win?

Would you switch sides during a war because you thought your side might lose?

Would you ever switch teams halfway through a football game because you thought the other team would win?

What would you say if your kid did that?

When have we ever been a people that took the side of the loud, aggressive bully just because we thought he would win and we didn't want to be on the losing side because we were afraid of what would happen? Is that us?

We are AMERICA! We're supposed to fight for the underdog, the little guy, for the good guys.

THIS should be us! Let's do more of this!

Friends, please, STAND UP! Be brave!! By all means, vote for what you believe in, but vote for a person who genuinely stands for those things, who you believe will be a good leader, who you can confidently put your stamp of approval on.

Would you let Donald Trump teach your kids? Run your church? Be alone in a room with your wife? My guess is no- but we're still willing to let him run the entire country? It's fear and fear alone that's driving his campaign.

I know you're afraid that voting for a 3rd party means a Hillary presidency. I understand that. And you might be right. But God is in control, He is sovereign no matter who is president. But your conscience is yours and yours alone to bear.

Do we want our kids to know that we compromised our values and our morals because we thought we would win? What does that teach them? That winning is more important than standing up for what's right?

That's not us. That's not who we are and that's not who we have ever been.

So please, I am begging you, for the sake of your children and my children and their children, be courageous, stand up for a person you can believe in. Don't let fear take hold.

Make your decision based on what you actually believe, what you actually stand for, not what you're afraid of.

I'm Probably Annoying You (and I Kind of Don't Care)

I think I'm annoying most of you.

Up until a year ago, I had never posted a single political thing on Facebook. I don't care about politics (despite the fact that I was a Poli Sci minor. In fact, that's where my apathy towards politics began). I don't care about tax reform or foreign policy or Obamacare. I mean, I care to the point where they affect my daily life (like when I have to pay $1600 in taxes every 3 months), but outside of those 4 days a year, I don't care. I actually really hated it when people posted political things because, as I already mentioned, I don't care.

In fact, I'd say I don't care about most things. I'd guess about 85% of the things mean nothing to me.

Let me make you a list of things I don't care about: sports, the Kardashians, technological advances, space travel, anything on the CW, studies that try to convince me Diet Coke will give me cancer, the show Parenthood (quit telling me how good it is, I'm not watching it), celebrity divorces, how many miles you ran today, kale.

Of the leftover 15%, I'd say I am fairly interested about 10% of that. These include things like snack foods, The Office, anything on HGTV, donuts, studies that tell me Diet Coke isn't that bad, power tools.

The last 5% are the things I actually care about. But here's the deal, because there are so few things I actually care about, it means the things I do care about, I care about A LOT. We're talking "fight you to the death if you threaten one of these things" type caring. This list includes Ben, my family, tacos, Jen, Penny & Marshall.

And people. Specifically, marginalized people.

Nothing makes me sadder or angrier than someone not getting the justice they deserve, someone being made to feel insignificant, small, or not worthy of the love we know Christ has for them. Whether it's a black person getting shot for no reason, a refugee being denied access to safety, a gay teenager who feels hopeless and unloved, a woman who's been sexually assaulted and told it was her fault, or a drug addict who has no way out, these people break my heart.

They are who I care about.

The reason you've never seen me post political things before this year is because I don't care about politics. The reason you've seen me post so much this year is because I REALLY care about people and I feel like people have been getting the short end of the stick lately.

So I apologize if my constant posts about refugees and Donald Trump and rape culture and unarmed black men being shot are annoying to you. I'm sorry if they've offended you or made you question beliefs you've held in place for years (actually, I'm not sorry about that. I take that back, that's kind of the point).

But I won't stop. I can't. Because I care about these things more than I can possibly express. My heart absolutely breaks every time I see someone spread fear of Syrian refugees. My mind reels when another black man is shot. My stomach turns when I hear people defend Donald Trump.

Just let me make this clear: it's not because I hate Trump's politics. I could not care less about his politics. To me, this election isn't even about politics. It's about people. I realize most politicians are

probably sketchy one way or another. I realize there are certain political issues at play this year. But I don't care about that. I care about the way he makes people feel. And hearing people defend him makes me sad because he is one of the single most oppressive people I've ever seen. He has said horrible things about Mexicans, Syrians, gay people, women, the disabled, veterans- the people I care about. The people I care most about in this world, Donald Trump has explicitly and unapologetically insulted, marginalized, and made to feel less-than.

And that's what I can't stand for. That's what I can't be complicit in. I cannot stand by silently while people, who often have no voice of their own, are being treated like trash. I'm sure it's annoying that I post something about Donald Trump or refugees every day. But I don't care. Because it's important.

It's important to me that someone stand up for the people that can't. It's important to me that my gay friends and my black friends and my Muslim friends see that there are Christians on their side, there are Christians that won't let them be treated poorly, and there are Christians who want to genuinely love them like Jesus does. And this is one way I can show them that.

I'm not saying you have to be active on Facebook to make your friends feel that way. I'm not even saying you have to be passionate about the same things I am. But we should ALL be passionate about people being treated with respect. Especially if we're Christians.

One of the things I'm most grateful for in life is the way my Mom taught me to see things from other people's perspectives. It was annoying as all get out in high school. I'd come home from school and tell my Mom what someone had said or done to me and while she was always sympathetic, one of the first things she'd say was, "Well how do you think that person feels? What made them say that? What do you think is going on in their lives that make them feel the need to be mean?" As a 16 year old, I hated that. I just wanted my Mom to be outraged someone would make her perfect, amazing, wonderfully talented, incredibly beautiful (too much?) daughter upset and to blindly defend me at all costs. But as an adult, I am SO thankful she didn't. It's given me the ability to see things from other people's perspectives, to see how it would feel if I was in their shoes.

I'm realizing a lot of people don't have that ability. So many people are driven by selfishness and fear (and don't get me wrong- so am I most of the time. Just ask Ben when I make him assure me 10 times

Are you sure that's not eye cancer?

in a row I don't have eye cancer because I noticed an eye freckle I didn't think was there a week ago). When people see Syrian refugees, they tend to think "I don't want them to hurt my family. I don't want them to hurt my country. My safety is more important than theirs and I don't trust them." When they could be thinking, "I wonder how they feel. I wonder how many people they've lost in this war? What would it be like to have my entire world ripped away and then be treated like a terrorist?"

When people see an influx of Muslim immigrants they seem to think, "They're going to hurt us. They're going to take away our religious liberties and freedoms. My life will have to change because of them." When they could think, "What a great opportunity for me to share my culture and my beliefs with people I would never have gotten a chance to meet before! I bet living in a new country is hard, we should make them feel welcome and show them Jesus' love."

And when people see Donald Trump running for President they think, "He'll give me what I want. He'll protect my freedoms. He'll protect my religion. He'll protect my party." When what they should be thinking is, "Donald Trump is hateful. Donald Trump has inexcusable views on women and immigrants. Donald Trump is the exact opposite of Jesus Christ, who tells us the #1 most important priority in our lives should be to love others and to love God, not insult others, oppress others, and protect ourselves and our lifestyle at all costs."

I know this year has been full of tough choices. I know we're all just trying to do our best and make the right decisions for us and our families. I understand that fear is real and it's something we have to fight against every day (in my case, sometimes every hour). But I want to encourage you to push past the fear, push past the uncertainties and the politics and really look at people, real people, and think, "How do those people feel?" and more importantly, "How does Jesus feel about those people?"

If you can do that and still vote for Trump or stand against refugees seeking safety in America or say "It's their own fault" when an unarmed black man is shot or a woman is raped, then that's fine, it is ultimately up to each of us to make our own decisions. For me, I can't reconcile Jesus' love of people with Trump's hatred of them. In my eyes, those two things don't go together. But if I'm missing something, if I don't see what you do and you disagree with me, that's fine. But I won't stop posting about it, I won't ignore it, and I will annoy the crap out of you with my Facebook posts.


**Quick disclaimer. I understand I might not have all the facts, that there are political reasons for you voting for Trump or rejecting refugees. If that's the case, that's fine, but as I already mentioned: this election is not about politics for me. It's about people. People are way more important to me than politics. That's just where my passions lie. If you feel differently, that's ok. Just know that's where my priorities are and that's where I'm speaking from.

Things I Don't Understand and Why That Makes Me Mad.

I don't really get into political discussions...ever, actually. Minoring in Poli Sci in college taught me one thing: people believe what they believe and not a lot will change that. So if anyone ever tries to start a political debate with me I usually make an inappropriate joke and leave the room. That's my go-to move (and it works every time, by the way).

I get that everyone has their own opinions about how healthcare should work, what we should do

Me when someone starts talking about politics

about Social Security, whether big or small government works best (I almost walked out of my own house after that sentence. Ugh. So boring). 

Republican, Democrat, whatever. Everyone has opinions based on their life, experiences, current situation, etc. And that's fine with me. I'm actually all for it. And to be honest, I couldn't care less what you (or anyone) thinks about any of those things. 

But this Syrian refugee crisis has rendered me completely powerless to avoid politics (no matter how much I might want to). I cannot sit quietly while people talk about other peoples' lives so carelessly, while they sit on their couch-thrones and feel like they have the authority to judge the outcome of someone else's life. It makes me a kind of furious I didn't know was possible.

This newfound political fury has gotten me thinking about some things. Not just about the refugees, but about people in general. What has been driving me absolutely insane is the differing amounts of value we place on life. Republic, Democrat, or Independent-- it seems none of us can decide for certain who matters most. (Spoiler alert: it's everyone. Everyone matters most.)

Some people are consistently up in arms about abortions. And rightly so. Hundreds of thousands of babies are killed every year before they're even born. Planned Parenthood is accused of dumping baby parts into landfills and selling them to the highest bidder. All of those things are horrifying to think about.

Other people are focused on animal rescue, which is also a just cause. Over 2.7 million animals are euthanized in shelters every year. No, these aren't human lives, but these are God's creatures that don't deserve to be murdered because of our lack of empathy and responsibility. 

In 2010, 1 in 4 children lived in food insecure homes (which is another way of saying 25% of America's children are hungry. Not like, I want another fruit roll up hungry. More like, someone please feed me a meal today hungry). 

Around 50,000 people in America die of drug overdoses every year.

More than 21,000 people die of hunger every single day around the world. 

Over 220,000 people have been killed during the crisis in Syria, not to mention all those who die trying to escape. Around 6 million of those who have escaped are now living in poverty around the world.

And this list doesn't even begin to cover the people that are sick, dying, and in need all around us. Single mothers who can't feed their children. Thousands living in abject poverty. Millions of people being oppressed around the world. Americans who can't afford medical procedures that will save their lives. Syrians who can't even get access to a doctor to cure a treatable condition. People who are being enslaved, trafficked, imprisoned unjustly. 

Here's the part that I can't understand... 

People who are broken-hearted by abortions are begging the government to keep refugees out of America.

The people who spend their weekends volunteering at animal shelters are donating their money to Planned Parenthood.

The ones collecting money to feed hungry children are judging and condemning all the addicts who died from overdoses. 

People who are traveling to Africa to build clean water systems are speaking out against families on welfare. 

Why? How? How can anyone look at one life and say it's worth more than another? How can one person be so concerned about refugees, but think an abortion is a perfectly acceptable answer to a pregnancy? How can someone spend their nights feeding the homeless at a shelter but think drug addicts deserve what they got? How can a person collect clothes for a needy family then say hateful, heartless things about Muslims? How can a person look at one group with compassion and another with fear and disdain? 

How does this work? I'm genuinely asking because I can't wrap my mind around it. Souls are souls. Lives are lives. Why isn't this a concept people understand? 

I have no great insight, no amazing answers, not even any Scripture to quote (because we all know

God calls us to love people, I don't feel like that's a disputable point). 

So someone please help me understand how this works. Why one person means more than another. Why one person deserves life and another doesn't. How can someone be so involved in one humanitarian effort and completely against another?

Does one life matter more than another? Am I completely idealistic to think that we should consider all life important?

If so, I think I'm ok with that. 

** I'm sure someone will dispute the numbers I found. Here are all the places I got those stats, feel free to share a correction with me if you think any of those are wrong! That's just what I was able to find. 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/11/19/AR2010111906872.html

https://www.aspca.org/animal-homelessness/shelter-intake-and-surrender/pet-statistics

http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/susan-jones/dea-drug-overdoses-kill-more-americans-car-crashes-or-firearms

http://www.poverty.com/

https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2015/09/syrias-refugee-crisis-in-numbers/

Biblical Dragons & Smoking Walruses

Almost exactly a year ago I wrote a blog post entitled "Honey Badgers vs. Unicorns." Personally, I believe this is one of my finest literary achievements (mostly because it incorporated both honey badgers and unicorns and boats). If you missed it, here it is: Honey Badgers vs. Unicorns

If you don't want to read it, let me sum it up. Last year at this time I was in a super weird place because the guy I'd been engaged to had broken up with me in the middle of the missionary convention in Kansas City after we'd made plans to get married and move to Africa and whatnot. To be completely honest, I had never been more devastated or confused about anything in my life (except for maybe the time Jen's dog ate all the donuts I'd driven a super long way to get. That was heartbreaking. But then she [the dog] bought me more so it was fine. Moving on…).  The point is, I was having a really hard time seeing how God was playing into this whole situation.  I had been so sure that God had led me to that guy, to overseas missions, to that entire life. I was so confused about what God was doing, why he would lead me into that situation and then just absolutely drop me and leave me lost and hurt and unsure about my future.

In last year's blog I wrote about Noah and how God told him to build the ark and then didn't speak to him again for like, 50 years. Then Noah got on the ark and everything flooded and God didn't speak again for an entire year while they all lived on a floating zoo. But Noah didn't give up, he kept tossing birds off the side of the boat and eventually one came back with a branch, etc. etc. You know how it ends. My point was that sometimes we just have to keep going, doing the best with what knowledge we have, and trust that God is working something out, trust that he knows best and that he really does love us and won't leave us floating forever.

I survived for months on just that promise, that knowledge that God knows better than I do, that he does love me and that he is faithful. I relied a lot on the book of Job. I felt a lot like him (in a much less dramatic "my whole family died and my friends are the worst" type of way) in that my life was completely changing in ways that I had no say in and I didn't feel like I'd done anything to deserve it. I just kept telling myself that, like Job, I wasn’t there when God created the world, I could not, in fact, "pull in the leviathan with a fishhook or tie down his tongue with a rope." I'm not even sure what a leviathan is, which would make it that much harder to find him and tongue rope him.  (Sidenote: in Job 41:19 God's definitely describing a dragon, right? I mean, "firebrands stream from his mouth" and "smoke pours from his nostrils" and "his breath sets coals ablaze and flames dart from his mouth" That's a dragon, no? I want more than anything for that to be about dragons). In any case, I continually reminded myself that I might be afraid and lost and confused, but God isn't, God is still there, God is still guiding me and he won't just leave me floating forever.

This dragon is my favorite because he looks like Marshall

And he didn't.

My bird throwing (read the blog) paid off. Just like Job, God gave me back twice what I had lost (I'd say more like 1000x what I'd lost but you get the idea). Here I am, a year later, working in a job that I love that fulfills me more than I could imagine, attending an awesome church with awesome people that I absolutely adore, and engaged to the most incredible man I've ever met that makes me realize why it never worked with anyone else. In four months I'll get to marry a man that loves me more than I thought possible, who treats me better than I thought was realistic to expect, who has the most genuine and loving heart I've ever seen, who loves Marshall almost as much as I do, who is as awesomely obsessed with TV shows as I am, who is hilarious and fun and doesn't care that I only wash my hair every 4 days and not only lets me hang up pictures of walruses smoking pipes, but buys them for me because he knows how much I'll love them.

I literally have this picture hanging in my house. And it's awesome.

The most amazing part of all of this (well I don't know if it's the most amazing because a lot of these things are amazing and it's really hard to categorize and rank amazingness, but this part is also very amazing) is how clearly I see the way God worked things out in my life to be so incredible. If I hadn't gone through all of that last year I wouldn't know and trust the Lord like I do now. I wouldn't have the same perception of who God is. I wouldn't know myself as well as I do, either. I learned so much during those months about who I really am, what I want, and what God wants for me. 

But if I hadn't gone through all that there is absolutely no way I would've met Ben (not just because I'd be married to someone else, although that is a fairly large part of it). Ben and I met online (Match.com, to be exact) which is hilarious to me because 1) I never ever thought I'd do online dating and 2) Even when I signed up I very specifically told multiple people I wasn't going to actually seriously date anyone I met online, I was just going to go on a bunch of dates to meet new people and have fun (which is also hilarious because Jen bet me like, $1000 I'd find my husband on Match.com and I assured her multiple times that would never happen. I will pay my debt in cookies and hugs, Jen). If Ben and I hadn't met online there is almost no chance we ever would have met at all. And if I hadn't gotten dumped in the middle of the missionary convention in Kansas City I never would've signed up for online dating. 

It's also kind of crazy because Ben and I had both been engaged before (something that came up on the first date, which is funny because I'm pretty sure that's like the #1 thing you're not supposed to talk about on first dates). The fact that we'd both been engaged not only helped us relate to each other, but it really helped us understand what the other had been through (or in my case, was still going through). Ben really was instrumental in helping me work through a lot of the issues caused from my breakup; he literally knew exactly what I was going through.

So my point is this: not only was God faithful and loving and caring, not only was he watching out for me and orchestrating something better than I ever could've imagined, he did it all in an incredibly clear way that gives me the ability to look back and see exactly how he was working in my life, exactly what he was planning and exactly what he wanted from me and for me.

I know not every situation will be like this, where something awful happens and then God completely redeems the entire situation in a year, leaving you way happier and better off than you were before. I know that God doesn't always "fix" things that seem broken and that he doesn't always leave a clear path of where he's been. I know that. But I also know that God did all of those things for me, and for that I'm incredibly grateful. Looking back over this past year is an amazing testament to who God is, how faithful he is, how much he loves me, and how incredibly well he cares for me, even when I can't see or understand it. 

I still can't believe how awesome God has been over the last year; how much he's given me, taught me, showed me. I can genuinely say I've never been happier than I am right now. God brought the perfect opportunities (and the perfect people) into my life at exactly the right times. It's bizarre to look back and see how precise God is in his timing and his choices for us. I will forever be thanking God for this past year. But right now, I'm mostly just thanking him I'm no longer floating.