Uncomfortable Grace

You know how, during the whole wandering in the desert bit, the Israelites kept forgetting how awesome God was? They kept forgetting how he brought them out of Egypt, the amazing, miraculous works he performed, the way he constantly led and provided for them. It was like every week and a half they'd forget everything that happened and freak out and start sacrificing their favorite earrings to make livestock gods out of shiny metals. I don't know if religious amnesia is a thing, but if it is they had it. Sometimes I read Exodus and all those other Old Testament books about the misadventures of the Israelite nation and I think to myself, "Seriously guys? God just parted some waters and you walked through. Shouldn't that be enough to keep your focus for at least a few years?!" But it wasn't. And despite my annoyed judgment toward their ridiculousness, I've realized lately that I too, suffer from a pretty severe case of religious amnesia (which was a terrible conclusion to come to because I really enjoy sitting in my ivory throne of righteousness, eating my donuts and watching The Office and judging the insanely asinine life choices that others make. But it's much harder to do that when you realize you make those same life choices. Not impossible, but harder…)

As many of you know (because I quite often broadcast my panic attacks on Facebook), I've been in some pretty stressful predicaments as of late. The major ones were the fact that the IRS is trying to make sure I never rise above the poverty line (mission accomplished IRS, you get a gold star) and the other was the whole "I may or may not be homeless at the end of May" deal. Both of these things sent me into a downward spiral of panic, fear, more panic, utter despair, an overwhelming desire to give up on life, and then an even stronger overwhelming desire to get 8 more pugs and wind up on Animal Hoarders (I still haven't ruled out that last one).

The IRS business is pretty self-explanatory. They made me give them a solid $3000 more than I really wanted to. I don't think I need to expound on why that was upsetting and stressful. The housing situation is slightly more complicated. My roommate is moving when our lease is up at the end of May, meaning I needed to find an affordable apartment on my own. Turns out, living alone is crazy expensive. I had a super hard time finding an affordable apartment where I didn't feel like I might get stabbed every time I walked out my front door (which, surprisingly enough, was mild to moderately important to me). I finally found a great, affordable apartment in a neighborhood that didn't make me feel like I was on an episode of Law and Order: SVU, but apparently lots of other people have the same criteria I do when it comes to apartment hunting (cheap and not murder-y), so there were zero openings in the only apartment complex I loved.

They told me there was a 1 week period at the beginning of April where they'd get notices of who was moving out and told me to call back then. Well I did call back. I called them back hard. I called twice a day for about 8 days in a row (annoying or refreshingly persistent? We'll never know). They had nothing available. Around Thursday of that week I really started to panic. If nothing opened up, because of the time lines of when I had to be out of my apartment and when their apartments would be available, I was going to be effectively homeless starting May 23. Yes I have people I could stay with, I could put my stuff in a storage unit and try again next month, I could live out of the backseat of my car, I could live out the lyrics of Reba McEntire's "Fancy." But believe it or not, none of those options were my first choice. It seemed so stressful and so much more difficult (I want you to know that I recognize how whiny that sounds. I'm aware and I don't care), I really wanted the stress of not knowing where I was going to live to be gone.

So Thursday came and went. Nothing opened up. They said that any notices they would get should be in by Friday, but possibly Monday at the absolute latest. So my chances were dwindling and the time crunch panic was growing. I had been praying about it for weeks, I had other people praying about it, but I still thought that God was forgetting about me, that he wasn't helping me, that he was making things difficult for me. It may sound silly because I realize other people have much more significant, life-altering issues than this.  I know my life wasn't in danger; nothing permanently damaging was going to happen to me. I know that the worst case scenario wasn't that bad. I know all that. But it didn't make it any less stressful or anxiety-inducing at the time. I can honestly say that by Thursday night I was in full-blown panic mode. For whatever reason, I was really going crazy about this. I was panicking, I was crying, I was super negative about everything. I couldn't see any positives, any silver lining, all I could see was what I didn't want to happen. All I could see was the worst case scenarios I'd created in my head (some of which were wildly impossible but also fairly entertaining).

But in the midst of my panic stricken freak out, God used someone else to remind me of his truth. In 1 Samuel 23 Saul is in the middle of his attempts to hunt down and kill David. David had been running for a while at this point. He had been running and hiding and fighting and running some more. He was scared and exhausted and unsure of his future, unsure of what God was doing. At this turbulent, uncertain time God sent Jonathan to him. Jonathan was his best friend, his hetero-lifemate, if you will, and in 1 Samuel 23:16 it says that Jonathan went to David and "helped him find strength in God."

As we all know, David is mentioned more than once as a man after God's own heart. He's one of the most turned-to biblical characters when it comes to looking at what a true relationship with God should be. David knew God. Well. He loved him. But during this time of his life, David needed help. He needed someone else to point him in the right direction, to re-focus him, to remind him of God's truth and love and faithfulness. He needed Jonathan to help him find strength in God. And in my (much less traumatic, much more first world problem-y) situation, God did the same.

As I complained and cried and panicked, my friend kept reminding me that it was ok. That it was going to be ok. That God wasn't forgetting about me, that he wasn't ignoring me, that he wasn't punishing me for some made up sin I'd committed a month ago (yes sometimes that's how my mind works. And you wonder why I have anxiety). He reminded me that God loved me more than I could fathom, that his timing and his plans are perfect, even when we don't understand them. He told me it was ok that I was scared and that I didn't necessarily like God's timing, but that I needed to try to accept it and trust that he knows what he's doing. He helped me realize I needed to give up my false sense of control and let God work, whatever that meant for my life. Just like Jonathan, he helped me find strength in God when I needed it most.

Thanks to the Jonathan-esque encouragement of my friend, I calmed down. I thought about it and prayed about it and realized that whatever God did would be ok. I gave control over to him. But I also decided I would start praying very specifically about what I wanted to happen. Instead of just praying for "all the apartment stuff to work out" I prayed for the specific type of apartment I wanted to become available before Monday. I prayed that Thursday night and all day Friday. Friday morning I sent out a prayer request to all of my supporters asking that they pray for the situation, too.

At 4:45 pm on Friday afternoon I got a phone call telling me the exact apartment I wanted had opened up.

Less than 24 hours after my friend re-focused me, less than 24 hours after I started praying specifically, and less than 24 hours after I gave control over to God, I got an apartment.

God is so good. And I don't mean that he's good because I got what I wanted. That's really awesome and I'm so thankful for his kindness and his timing and his direct answer to what I asked. Those are all reasons to say he's good, sure. But that's not all it is. He's good because he makes us uncomfortable.  He makes us wait. He makes us remember how awesome he is. God has done SO many things in my life over the past 6 months. Amazing, difficult, messy, indescribably wonderful things. He taught me so much. He showed me so much. He changed my heart and my focus and my motivation. He transformed me. But when push came to shove and stuff got difficult, I ran as fast as I could to throw my earrings into the livestock mold with everyone else. I lost faith, I lost hope, I forgot who God was, I forgot what I'd learned. I had a pretty severe case of religious amnesia.

But God doesn't let me stay that way. He loves me too much to allow me to forget what he's done, to let me move too far away from him. If I had gotten the apartment I wanted right away, if I hadn't had to pay half my savings over to the IRS, if I had gotten everything I wanted exactly when I wanted it, then I wouldn't have recognized God's hand in it. I might've thanked him for letting it be so easy, but I wouldn't have cried out to him, I wouldn't have had the chance to be strengthened by a friend, I wouldn't have realized how awesome he is, how perfect his timing is, how incredibly mind-blowing it is when he directly and powerfully answers my prayers. God loves me enough to challenge me. He stretches us to remind us that he's good, that he's there, that he loves us and he's faithful.

Paul David Tripp calls it "uncomfortable grace." And that's exactly what it is. God's blessings and grace aren't just poured out in ways we like. Yes, God giving you a new job or healing a friend or working a tough situation out, those are all blessings. But so is being stretched, being broken, going through hard circumstances and difficult situations and uncertainties. Those are all blessings. That's God's grace, too. He loves us too much to let us stay where we are, to let us be complacent and unchallenged and slip farther away from him without realizing it. He loves us enough to make us uncomfortable. And while I hate it and fight against it and whine about it while it's happening, there is nothing sweeter than looking back on a situation and seeing exactly how God was moving in it, how he worked through it, what he taught you. God's here. He's always here. Always working. Always moving. Always changing us and maturing us and growing us. And I'm learning to be very thankful for that awful, painful, uncomfortable grace that God loves me enough to show me. I'm also very thankful I don't have to live out "Fancy"...

Blissfully Unhappy

Being happy is overrated.

You may think this sounds like the ramblings of a cynical, embittered spinster (can you be a spinster at 26? I'd like to try) who has surrendered herself to the overwhelming misery and loneliness that life has dealt. While one of my goals in life is, in fact, to be called a spinster (I think it's a really fun word) and I may be more cynical than some (on the Muppet scale, I'd say I'm somewhere between Kermit the Frog and the angry, old theater guys) I promise that's not what's about to happen. So relax. This will be fine.

The last couple of months have (for obvious reasons) been weird. I've felt angry, hurt, sad, awkward, embarrassed, furious, confused, and uncomfortable. But not really happy. I've always operated under the assumption that in order for me to be happy things had to be going well in my life. I was constantly striving to make all the pieces of my life come together so I could be happy. Then once I was, I was anxiously waiting for the one bad thing to happen that would ruin my wonderful bubble of happiness. So my entire life has basically consisted of me waiting to be happy then being afraid my happiness would be taken away. I felt like Smeagol with the Ring, constantly chasing the one thing I thought would make everything perfect (I've found that everything necessary to know in life can be traced back to Lord of the Rings). Happiness was sort of like the ultimate goal of my life (that and joining the Norwegian curling team. Have you seen these guys?! I need these pants).

But over the last 2 months I realized something. Happiness is totally and completely overrated. I haven't been very happy the last few months, but I have been introspective and thoughtful and humbled. I've been teachable and vulnerable and hungry for God's word (almost as hungry as I've been for donuts...almost). Part way through the last few weeks I discovered I kind of like being like this. I'm not happy, but I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm becoming more like the person I'd always hoped I'd be (a mix between Marshall, the inventor of Pajama Jeans and Liz Lemon). I've learned more over the past 8 weeks than I'd learned in the past 8 years. I've learned more about who I am, who God is, more about people (which has been both good and bad), and life as a whole. I've learned about trust and faith, patience, acceptance, forgiveness, humility and love. And it's been kind of awesome.

I've been reading the book Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey (don't worry, I won't bring up the whole "Jesus thought women were people too" discussion....not yet...) and I've learned so many awesome things from it, but one of my favorite lines is a quote she got from Jonathan Martin's book Prototype.  While his context isn't the same as mine, I feel like the sentiment is the same. He says, "Far from being a punishment, judgment, or a curse, the wilderness is a gift. It's where we can experience the primal delight of being fully known and delighted in by God." I'd say the "wilderness" is an accurate description of where I've been over the last 2 months. And I'm starting to realize Martin's right. For a long time I wondered what I'd done to deserve this, what I was being punished for, what was wrong with me (I know what you're thinking: clearly nothing, as I'm obviously perfect. I know, we all question scientifically proven facts [like my awesomeness] in dark times). While I don't believe God purposefully causes people pain, I do believe he's taken this dark, painful period of my life and turned it into a gift. A wonderful, messy, enlightening, beautifully transformative gift.

In another part of her book, Bessey likens emotional pain to childbirth. She says that the pain you experience during childbirth is related to your own fears and resistance to the pain, called the fear-tension-pain cycle. Because you're afraid, you tense up, which makes the pain worse, which makes the fear worse. In order to interrupt the cycle, Bessey suggests we "lean into the pain instead of resisting it." One of my favorite parts of her book is when she writes, "I have learned to lean into some pain-- to let the pain be there, part of me, without fear, without judgment, without refusal, because this is all part of the struggle of birth and life." So that's what I'm doing. Instead of fighting it, I'm learning to lean into the pain, to let God use this pain to transform me in any way he sees fit. I don't want to resist it or pretend it isn't there, I want to embrace it, I want to enjoy this time God has given me to be close to him, to learn from him, to be changed by him.

Psalm 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit." I always took that to mean God was there to comfort us in difficult times, which I still believe is true, but this verse took on a different meaning to me lately. Not only is he there to comfort us, but the brokenness in us during these times is what brings us closer to God. He's close to the brokenhearted because it's those who are most humbled, most ready and willing to be used and molded by him; it's those who have nowhere else to turn to make sense of their lives.

While being happy is fun and relaxing and nice, it's not my life goal anymore (at least not today. I'm feeling very spiritual and enlightened today. Tomorrow I'll probably go back to my donuts equal happiness life strategy). I discovered that I will probably never be truly happy (at least not by my own definition). Things will always be bad in one way or another, whether it's work or life or family related, there will most likely never be a time when everything in my life is absolutely as I want it to be. If that does happen, then HOORAY! That will be a glorious day. But I can't chase that down forever, I'll waste my life waiting for something that never comes. I need to be ok with my life as it is. It's not what I wanted or what I chose, but it's my life and I need to accept it and enjoy the beauty of what God has given me.

I've never seen the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green, but one of the trailers shows Timothy walking to school with his parents. His dad yells out "Have a good day!" and his mom says "That's too much pressure!" followed by, "Have the day you have!" (I find this especially hilarious because this line is what we use to make fun of my sister for being, well, like that.) It may seem ridiculous, but I think there's some wisdom in her school yard declaration.  I'm choosing to have the day I have; happy or sad, fun or monotonous, difficult or simple, I want to enjoy every part of it and learn what God's teaching me in every circumstance. My life may not be what I planned, but that's ok. It doesn't have to be. Since when did being "happy" become more important than anything else? I have the life I have and it's still pretty fantastic, even if it's fantastic in a completely different way than I'd expected.

I may not be "happy" but I am content, I have joy and love and trust that God knows what the heck he's doing even when I don't get it. I don't have to get it. I just get to sit back and enjoy the ride (however bumpy and unpleasant it may sometimes be). Being happy is nice, but growing and learning and changing is way more satisfying. So today, I will choose to be blissfully unhappy and enjoy every minute of it.

Honey Badgers vs. Unicorns

Disclaimer: This entire blog post comes from me casually reading the story of Noah. Casually. I did no research or studying to come to any of the conclusions I draw here. Some of them (all of them) may be horrendously inaccurate or misguided or heretical. My apologies if they are. You've been warned. Disclaimer over. 

So, as most of you know (if you don't know: surprise!) my fiancé broke up with me about a month ago. It's been a really weird month, to be honest. To go from thinking you're getting married and moving to Africa to starting what feels like your entire life over is…bizarre. And confusing. And disappointing. And sad. And did I mention bizarre? Like I said, it's been a weird month.

Clearly, there are a lot of emotions that go along with all this. I won't go into a lot of the details about what happened or why (partially because I'm still not sure what happened or why myself) but the one thing that really has been hard for me through all this (ok, one of many things that have been hard for me) is figuring out how God plays into all this. I was so sure God was leading me in this direction, to marry this person and start this life in North Africa. I was more sure than I'd been about most anything else in my life so far.

So what the heck happened? Did God lead me to that place just to drop me and leave me hurt and confused? Was this part of the plan from the beginning? Or did I totally and completely misunderstand what I thought God was "telling" me or where He was leading me? Do I even know what it sounds like or looks like when God's trying to tell me something? I'm not so sure I do.

I don't have all the answers still. I probably won't ever. But in the midst of all this I started reading through the story of Noah. Not on purpose though, I never purposefully read the story of Noah. It's one of those stories I feel like I get pretty well at this point. Guy builds a boat, takes a cruise with a zoo, there's some rainbows. End of story, right?

Maybe it was because I was feeling very deep and reflective about life and the meaning of things and why things happen and other things people think about when they're being weird and sad and melodramatic. Maybe it's just because I haven't purposefully read the story of Noah in about 10 years (clearly not my best call, I know, I get it, I'll read through the whole Old Testament now. Ok? Get off my back) but either way, when I read through the story of Noah this time it seemed very different from the bedtime story I'd always viewed it as.

It seems pretty obvious to most of us that if God tells you to build a boat, you do it. I'm ok with that part. Seems logical. I'd do the same thing. In fact, if I ever really thought I heard God audibly speak to me I'm fairly certain I'd do absolutely whatever it was without question for fear of Him melting my face off. Not that God melts faces, I mean He might, I don't know. I just wouldn't want that to be on my tombstone "Here lies Kelsey. Face melted by God." Actually, now that I see that written out, it looks kind of cool. But I'd still rather not incur the wrath of God to the point of face melting so I'm sticking with my original theory that if God told me to do something I'd do it, no questions asked. So I get why Noah went with it. Good call, Noah.

Here's the part where I feel like things get crazy. It took Noah somewhere between 50 and 100 years to build the ark (I'm not a biblical scholar, I'm making some estimated guesses here). And as far as I can tell (again, not a biblical scholar here), God spoke to Noah to tell him what to do, but then Noah didn't hear from God until after the ark was done. God told him to build the ark, then after it was done, God told him to head on in. That means that Noah plugged away building a giant boat for over 50 years without another word from God. As someone who likes a lot of positive affirmation, that seems insane to me. I can barely pick out an outfit without someone else telling me it looks ok. I can't imagine working on a boat for 50 years without a thumbs up or a gold star every now and again. If I was Noah I would've very much appreciated a "Hey great job, keep up the good work!" every decade or so, just so I'd know I was on the right path. But I'm fairly certain that didn't happen. God said do it and expected Noah to do it, no second guessing.

I really can't imagine what must've gone through Noah's head during that 50-100 years. How many times he must've second-guessed himself, replayed God's words in his head, tried to remember what exactly He had said, tried to decide if it was real, if it had actually happened. I don't doubt there were days when Noah thought he might be crazy, where he wondered if God had ever really spoken to him or if he'd just imagined it. But then that wonderful day came when God spoke again and told Noah to get into the ark.  That must've been a relief.

Ok so God finally speaks to Noah again, tells him to get on the boat and He shuts the door behind him (that was nice of Him, I think). And then it starts raining and the flood comes, people die, they float around for awhile, etc. etc. But then Noah doesn't hear from God again for an entire year. A year! Noah and his family spent an entire year on a boat with a ridiculous amount of animals (who I'm sure continued to have the normal bodily functions of animals. Some of them were probably seasick. I bet that was fun) without hearing from God. He spent an entire year cramped on a boat with his family, feeding animals, cleaning pens, trying to keep the honey badgers and the unicorns apart (which in my mind, he failed miserably at, which is probably why there are no more unicorns. I have no biblical evidence for that, I just choose to believe that's what happened).

I can't imagine what Noah thought during this time. I know at this point he trusted God to come through for him, but I'm sure it was still really awful. He had no idea how long he'd be on that boat. As far as he knew he could've spent the rest of his life bobbing around on the world's first (and only, to my knowledge) Floating Zoo. He had no idea what God had in store, what came next, what the plan was.

This is how I feel right now. I feel like I'm on an ark floating in the waters with no idea of what's going on or what happens next or how long I'll be here. I felt like God led me to this place but now it's different than I ever imagined it would be. It's not what I expected, it's not what I hoped for, it's not what I wanted. But it's where I am.

I feel like sometimes we look back at the stories of the Bible and think "Oh they had it so easy, God just spoke to them and told them what to do." We have this romanticized vision of what life was like for them, but I think we're wrong. I think it was hard. Really hard. God has plans, but He doesn't give us a heads up about what they are (which is smart of Him, really, because otherwise I would've sent God multiple notarized letters about why His plans were bad and unwelcome and as we all know, God hates getting notarized letters but He would've read them because He's nice like that and it would've wasted His time and my time and probably gotten really annoying after awhile and He would've had to melt my face off just to stop me from sending Him so much mail).  Noah trusted that God would take care of him. I'm sure he was scared and confused and worried occasionally, but he didn't let that overwhelm him, he didn't let it change his course or his trust in God.

Here's another thing about Noah that I found interesting. After a few months on the ark without hearing from God, Noah sent out some birds to see if the waters had receded. He didn't need God to give him step by step directions for his life, he knew a bird would fly around and come back if it couldn't land, so he did the best he could with what he knew. He threw out some birds to see what was going on out there. He didn't just sit on the ark and mope and complain about how God had left him there to die or to float around for all eternity. He made decisions himself; he moved the process along as best as he could without interfering with God's explicit instructions. He did something. He made the best decisions he could with the knowledge he had.

Eventually God told him to get off the boat and we all know what happens next: rainbows, wine, streaking, passing out drunk, curses on your youngest son, etc. That part of the story isn't super relevant to the point I'm making here (although it is largely entertaining). My point is this (well I have multiple points so I'll make them as succinctly as possible because this is already super long and you probably stopped reading a long time ago. I don't blame you. I didn't give you incentives to finish this. That's on me): Noah trusted God's plan, even when God was silent, even when things were confusing or scary, even when he had no idea what was going to happen or why or how he got into this mess or how many loads of camel dung he'd have to throw off the side of the boat. God doesn't give us the whole picture and he doesn't make it easy for us. But that's when we do the best we can with what we know. I can't sit around whining on my metaphorical boat waiting for God to open the doors. I might be here for weeks or months or years. That's why, even when we don't understand what's happening, even when we don't know why God would lead us to the place we're at, that's why we need to start throwing some birds out the window.

So that is my plan. Bird throwing. I may not understand what happened or why or if this was where God wanted me or just where I ended up. But in any case, I'm here now and I know that God won't forget about me, He won't leave me here to float around in my ocean of uncertainty and confusion forever. But until He opens that door and I can get off this miserable boat I'll just keep throwing birds, doing the best I can with what I know, serving Him where I'm at, and being thankful for the fact that no one told me to spend a year in an ark with a honey badger. 

What To Expect When You're Not Expecting

Disclaimer: This ended up being a lot longer than I was planning. BUT if you read all the way through there's a super cool story at the end!!!! Is that enough incentive? Probably not. A cookie? Do you want a cookie? We could talk about cookies...

So this week I'm traveling through Ohio and Pennsylvania visiting supporters and speaking at churches. It's been an awesome week so far, complete with various activities that involved visiting the house I was born in (well, I wasn't born there, my parents weren't hippies and we all very much enjoy actual medical facilities. But I came home to there and lived there for the next 3 years, so whatever you'd call that), getting licked and subsequently attacked by a baby cheetah, and seeing God do some awesome stuff through some amazing people. I'll skip the first 2 things and tell you about the last one.

For those of you who don't know, I was born in Alliance OH (in a hospital, just so we're all clear) where my Dad was the minister at Cornerstone Christian Church. We moved when I was 3, but I have some really amazing memories of that church and the fantastic people we knew there. Even though I didn't spend much time there, it still feels like coming home and seeing family whenever I go back to visit, which I got to do this weekend. They invited me up to speak to their church about my work with Team Expansion and my future in North Africa with Jordan. On my trip up I was talking to Jordan on the phone and he was telling me about a really amazing sermon he'd heard recently about expectant faith; not just praying for things, but truly believing God will provide the things you're asking for, not just knowing God can do something, but knowing He WILL.

This is something I have a hard time with. I'm an anxious pessimist by nature (a couple months ago I noticed a freckle in my eye and spent the next hour wholeheartedly believing I had eye cancer. I was certain I was dying. I'm pretty sure I even planned out my own funeral. Spoiler alert: I don't have eye cancer), so it's hard for me to not prepare for the worst. When I ask God for things I do so with the full knowledge that He can make it happen, but I always prepare myself for the disappointment that He won't. I'm always preparing myself for the next disappointment, the next bad thing, the next let down, not because I think people will always let me down, most of the time they don't, but because I hate the feeling of hoping for something or expecting something and being disappointed when it doesn't turn out the way I want it to.

Disappointment is one (of many) emotions I haven't figured out how to handle like a grown up. In fact, I'm pretty sure I still handle disappointment like a 3 year old. I tend to do a lot of whining and pouting and self-pitying when I'm expecting something or looking forward to something that doesn't happen. One time I was in a hurry and on my way somewhere (I'm sure it was somewhere important, as I am an incredibly important person, but unfortunately I can't remember where exactly it was. But I'm sure it was important) and had gotten a much needed large Diet Coke from McDonald's, which is one of my favorite things in the world. I was embarrassingly excited about my giant Diet Coke. As I was getting out of my car I put the drink on top of the roof for a second while I grabbed the rest of my stuff. It immediately slid off and exploded on the concrete. It was too late to go get another one, I was going to have to finish my day Coke-less. I'm pretty sure I yelled in anger and despair. I may have also cried. It definitely ruined the rest of my day (which I'm assuming was already going terribly because otherwise I probably wouldn't have cried about a Diet Coke. Maybe I would've. I really love Diet Coke). My point is that I don't handle disappointments well and unfortunately, that bleeds into almost every area of my life, including how I see God.

It's not that I think God doesn't hear my prayers or that He isn't answering them, I'm just always afraid the answer will be no. I know He can do all things, but I'm afraid He won't do the things I ask, so I prepare myself for the possibility that things won't work out in the way I'm asking. But that's not what God tells us to do. In Mark 11:22-24 it says "Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Well that pretty much speaks for itself, doesn't it...

So that leads me to the super cool story I promised you. As I was saying, I was talking to Jordan about expectant faith and how important that is in the line of work we're going into. So after we hung up I was thinking about it and realizing how terrible I am at expecting God to show up when I ask Him to so I thought to myself "Ok, this is what I should do, this is what I'll do. God, please let me raise $1,000 from the church I'm about to visit to cover the cost of a training course I have to take next year." As soon as I finished my prayer I kind of laughed to myself at that thought. I wasn't even going to speak at this church with the expectation of raising any money at all, it was just a visit to update them about my ministry. And on top of that, Cornerstone is a small church in a fairly rural part of Ohio. It's by no means a megachurch; in fact, I'm pretty sure there were less than 50 people there on the day I spoke. I promptly forgot about my $1,000 prayer and finished up my trip, arrived in Alliance, and had an amazing time visiting with people I hadn't seen in years, hearing stories about myself as a 2 year old, and seeing pictures of my family from 1990 (such awesome pictures, such bad hair).

I spoke to the Sunday School class and again during the worship service and filled them all in on my life, my ministry, my future in Africa, and assured them Jordan was, in fact, good enough for me :) Then we finished up with a pot luck lunch and some more stories about how awesome I was as a tiny child (what can I say, some things you're just born with). During the lunch they announced that they'd collected over $700 for my ministry in a love offering. I was absolutely floored. I didn't expect anything, let alone $700! I felt so encouraged and so loved. It was awesome.

***Story in a story: The week before I came to visit the little kids made banks during junior church and they had them spend the week raising money for me. A lot of them did chores for their parents to collect money. One of the little boys' chores was to pick up the chicken eggs, move the dog bed, and not chase their rooster. That was my favorite :) The kids ended up raising over $40 for my work in North Africa! About 5 kids raised $40! How awesome is that?! I was so humbled to think these little kids spent an entire week working and raising money just for me and the work I'll be doing! It was seriously amazing. One of my favorite moments ever. Ok end of story in a story***

As I was leaving they handed me a check for the amount they'd raised. I didn't think to even look at it, I was still so amazed they'd raised $700! I just stuck it in my wallet and thanked everyone. As I was leaving one of the elders handed me some cash, saying they also wanted to cover my expenses for traveling all the way up there. I told them they didn't have to do that, but they were insistent so I took it (again without looking) and thanked them again (seriously, they're the nicest people ever). I got in my car and started to drive back, still amazed that one of the smallest churches I'd spoken at raised $700 for me!

I stopped less than an hour later to get some gas. As I opened my wallet to pay I saw the check they'd handed me. I finally took a second to look at it and my mouth dropped. It was for $900! I was so sure they had said $700 when they announced it earlier. I was even more amazed than before. This one church of 50 people raised $900 for my work. So awesome. Then I remembered the prayer I'd prayed the day before. I thought to myself, "Wow God, this isn't quite $1000 but it's still WAY more than I thought I'd get so thank you! You really do provide." I started driving again and thinking about how cool God was when I remembered the cash they'd given me before I left. I hadn't counted that either so I immediately pulled over and counted it out. Exactly $100.

Mind blown.

God had answered me in a big way. I'd asked for $1000 and that is EXACTLY what He gave me. I really don't know what else to say besides my mind was seriously blown. I spent the next 2 hours driving and smiling and thinking to myself, "Man, God is so cool. So cool."

I wouldn't normally talk about finances or how much money someone gave me or anything like that, but this was too amazing not to share. God worked in an amazing way through Cornerstone Christian Church this weekend. He used Cornerstone not only to provide the money I needed for an expensive training course I have to take next year, but to show me how important expectant faith is, how important expectant prayer is, and how He truly does want to give us good things, we just have to trust that His word is true. He wants to show up, He wants to work things out, He wants to blow our minds, we just have to give Him the chance. Just trust Him, that's all we have to do. Should be easy enough, right? ;)

Oh right cookies. There was talk of cookies. Well umm, sure, let me just...oh no... I'm going... through a tunnel...can't hear you...

My New Life Plan and How the Germans Ruined Everything

So...it seems like I have some big life changes coming up soon. As most of you know, I got engaged last month and since I've promised some people the full story and explanation of what happened and what's happening next with my life and ministry, I figured I'd write it out so everyone could read it or not read it at their leisure. Warning: this will be the full story, beginning to end, so feel free to skip to the parts you find most exciting or are most curious about. There won't be a quiz at the end to see if you read it all, I promise.

Jordan and I met last fall at the Team Expansion office. He was in the office for some training before he headed to North Africa. We started dating in November and he left for North Africa in February. Before he left we discussed the possibility of me eventually moving to North Africa too and we decided I'd go visit in the summer to see how I felt about it (sidenote: I did not feel good about it at the time). He flew me out to visit at the beginning of June. It was a really great trip; I got to see the country, learn a little about the culture and the people, figure out what sort of North African food I'd be willing to eat, and see the work Jordan is doing there. Jordan's been doing amazing things in the short 4 months he's been there. He's really picked up the language and has made a lot of friends from the local university. He's had the chance to share his testimony and the gospel with his new friends multiple times and some of them really seem open to studying the Bible together. It's really pretty awesome. God is doing big things in North Africa right now and seeing all that made me really excited to be a part of it (but no act of God or man can make me excited about the prospect of eating North African food for the rest of my life. Pray for a McDonalds). 

Jordan's currently in North Africa on a tourist visa, which means he has to leave the country every 4 months in order to renew his visa. I just so happened to be visiting when his first 4 months were up :) We figured we'd take advantage of our chance to go somewhere fun, so we went to Milan, Italy for a week and stayed with some of Jordan's friends that live there. So that was super fun. 

I figured there was a pretty good chance Jordan would propose soon (I assumed there aren't that many girls willing to move to North Africa, so I figured he knew he needed to lock this down while he had the chance, before I went home and changed my mind) and I assumed he'd do it in Italy (I mean, he could've done it in North Africa but....come on). On the second day we were in Italy he wore the only nice shirt he brought, so I figured there was a good chance it would happen that day (spoiler alert: I was right). So we spent most of the day sightseeing around Milan, we visited the Duomo cathedral, walked the little Italian streets, we both knew he was going to propose soon and joked about it, so he fake proposed multiple times during the day at random places (to which I responded "You're not doing it here. Stop it. If you do it here I'll say no."), we ate lunch at McDonalds, you know, super romantic stuff. In the afternoon we decided to go see Da Vinci's Last Supper painting at the Santa Maria delle Grazie church. We found out after we got there that you not only have to pay to see it, but you have to make reservations ahead of time (that seemed silly to me), so we never actually saw the painting the church is famous for. But in any case, we started leaving and saw this little courtyard behind the church so we stopped in. 

We sat down in the courtyard for a minute and then he started into his speech of why I'm the most fantastic person he's ever met and how no one is nearly as awesome as I am and never will be and how he'll do whatever I ask him to do for the rest of his life (that's how I remember it going, at least). I thought this was another fake proposal, so I kept saying, "No, stop it. You're not doing it here. Why would you do it here? Quit it." At which he replied, "No, I really am doing it here." I said, "No, why would you do it here?" (I was perchance being a slight bit difficult) Finally he just said, "Kelsey, I'm doing it here! I have a photographer and everything! I'm going to propose to you." By then I was super confused at who and where the photographer was, but I didn't have much time to wonder because in the middle of his speech a large group of German tourists came pouring into the courtyard. He stopped talking, hoping they'd walk through and leave, but apparently they thought it was a really nice courtyard, too and decided to stay awhile. The Germans got comfy and sat down (with their luggage) on either side of us. So there we were, sitting in this Italian church courtyard, surrounded by German tourists with German luggage, in the middle of a half-finished proposal. Jordan had announced he was going to propose but hadn't actually done it yet, so we were sitting awkwardly in silence as he tried to figure out how to recover from the unexpected company. He decided we'd move to the other end of the courtyard, so mid-proposal we got up and walked to the other side where he un-flustered himself and finished his proposal. It was really super funny and we both decided later we wouldn't have had it go any other way. It was hilariously perfect. 

                                     

The proposal definitely hadn't gone as planned, but to his credit, Jordan had tried really hard to set everything up to go perfectly. He had a friend scope out the courtyard a week before at the exact day and time we'd be there to be sure it would be empty and he'd hired a photographer to take pictures of the proposal and to take some pictures of us around Milan afterward. He had even researched a really nice restaurant in Milan to go to that evening, but after a 45 minute walk there we found out it was closed (poor Jordan) but thankfully he had a plan B so we ended up at a really nice restaurant downtown Milan that overlooked the Duomo. Despite everything that didn't go as planned, it really was a wonderful day and now we have a super funny story, so I think it all worked out for the best :)

Ok so, now that we're engaged, what happens next? Well, it looks like I'm moving to North Africa. But not yet, don't worry! Jordan won't be able to get back to the States long enough for us to get married until next fall, so as of now, the plan is for us to get married with just our immediate families on a beach in September 2014 (so if anyone has a beach house they want to let us use for that I certainly wouldn't object). We hope to have some celebrations/receptions with our extended family and friends after we get back (more details on that later...much later. We have absolutely nothing planned yet). 

Team Expansion's policy is that newly married couples have to spend their first few months of marriage in the States (hooray!), so we probably won't be moving to North Africa until the spring of 2015. Until then, things will pretty much be the same. Jordan will continue his work in North Africa and I'll keep working at the home office in Louisville. Since we're both already with Team Expansion it makes things fairly simple. I'll have to go to a few more trainings between now and then, but that should pretty much be it! Well, that and all the planning and packing and support raising and getting married and combining our finances and sharing a car...but THAT should be pretty much it! Maybe?

So....I think that about sums it all up! I'm getting married and moving to Africa. That's not such a big deal, right? Right? Ok if you really want to, you can start praying for North Africa to really embrace the idea of McDonalds. And Taco Bell. And donuts. And Jesus. And movies in English. And Mt. Dew...

Japan

So…I went to Japan last week!! That was pretty crazy, right? The whole trip kind of came about out of nowhere (for me at least) and I only had 2 months or so to get myself all ready for it. But I’m so glad it all worked out because it was a really great trip! I went with Team Expansion of course, with Doug Lucas (President), Betty Byrd (Prayer and Personnel), and 3 younger girls, Casey, Cassidy , and Whitney. Whitney had just finished college a year or so ago, Casey was in college, and Cassidy was only 16 and still in high school, but really had a heart for Japan. We took this trip for a couple of reasons: 1) To visit the missionaries we have in Japan, 2) So Casey, Cassidy, and Whitney could see if Japan is somewhere they’d want to serve long-term, and 3) So I could get experience in leading these types of trips for the future.

Just a warning: I’m about to give you a detailed recap of the entire trip…so if you don’t care that much (which I don’t blame you for) or don’t know how to read (which is sad, we should talk about that), please feel free to stop here and go get a snack or skim the rest of it to see if any exciting words pop out. Just to keep you interested, I might add in random words to catch the attention of all you skimmers. Things like DRUGS and PUPPIES and TACOS. We’ll see.

Ok so I’m probably just going to go day by day here, since that seems easiest.

FRIDAY/SATURDAY: So we met at the airport Friday morning at 4 am. Needless to say that wasn’t fun. Plus, if you’ve been getting my e-mail updates, you know I’m slightly terrified of flying…so I wasn’t super excited about the whole travel part in general. Our first flight was from Louisville to Dallas and it was fairly miserable. I got super air sick and I was really pretty nervous so it was just a bad few hours. But we got to Dallas and I ate some crackers and took some DRUGS (legal ones, just to be clear) and felt much better. The flight from Dallas to Tokyo was much better. The DRUGS really helped, as did the whole “being able to watch movies on your own screen on the headrest in front of you” thing. It took about 12 hours, but I slept for most of it so it wasn’t too bad. We got to Tokyo on Saturday afternoon. There was a delay on one of the trains we had to take (a number of people told us there was probably a suicide—apparently it happens pretty often, people just jump in front of the trains on an almost daily basis. Very sad.) so we missed the last train to Ishinomaki (the city we were headed to). Needless to say that created a pretty crazy series of events where we were rushing around train stations and random city streets trying to find a very specific bus stop so we could get the absolute last bus to Ishinomaki. Luckily we made it and arrived in Ishinomaki at like, 11 pm, and were greeted by the distinct Tennessee accent of one of the missionaries yelling “Konichiwa, ya’ll!” which was wonderfully amusing after 30+ hours of traveling.

SUNDAY: We had a pancake breakfast at the church in Ishinomaki, which was delicious. It was a really cool experience getting to worship with Japanese believers, the missionaries, and a few other short term teams. After that we headed to Onegawa, one of the cities hit the hardest by the tsunami last year. Ishinomaki had also been hit badly, but Onegawa lost something like 80% of their buildings and ¼ of their population. We went with 2 Japanese believers, Ahbay-San and his daughter. He had lost his wife in the tsunami when she tried to seek shelter on the roof of the bank she worked at. Sadly, it wasn’t high enough. He and another man, Suzuki-San (a community leader trying to rebuild the city) explained to us that the evacuation center for the town was a hospital pretty high up on a hill (but still right beside the water).  They said it was pretty cold the day of the tsunami and a lot of people were in their cars in the parking lot of the hospital trying to stay safe but also keep warm. They could see the shoreline very well from where they were, so they were trying to keep an eye on the water levels. However, the mountains behind them apparently forced the water to funnel back toward the hospital, where no one was looking, so many of the cars and people at the evacuation center were swept out to sea when the waves came rushing toward them from behind. It was pretty surreal to stand in that parking lot, overlooking what used to be a thriving downtown area but was now just empty lots, knowing that dozens of people died where we were standing. Not to get too morbid here…but all I could think about was the fear these people must have felt while they were being swept away inside their cars, knowing there was nothing they could do to save themselves. Knowing the statistics of the country, it’s also pretty safe to say almost none of these people were Christians. It’s scary enough to know you’re being swept out to sea and won’t survive…but can you imagine knowing you’re going to die and not knowing where you’ll go or what will happen to you once you do?

While we were talking to Suzuki-San we asked him what we could pray for and all he said was that he wanted to be remembered. He asked us not to forget him or Onegawa and to not let everyone in America forget what happened and how they’re all still healing and rebuilding. The tsunami might be over, but the recovery is a long, painful process for them.

MONDAY: Monday morning we woke up to a 6.2 earthquake around 5 am! So that was an exciting way to start the day! The rest of the day we spent with the missionaries, cleaning up Ishinomaki. Since the missionaries in Ishinomaki moved there about a year ago (from Osaka, where they had been doing church planting) they’ve spent almost every day helping the community clean up from the tsunami. Almost every day is a “work day” of grueling physical labor for them. On Monday we spent the day with them, cleaning up a number of small apartments that had been ruined by the tsunami. And by “cleaning up” I mean we emptied the houses of the owners’ ruined, muddy, moldy possessions, removed moldy floors and walls and doors, and took multiple truckloads of debris to one of the dozens of massive city dumps. The dumps were one of the craziest things to me. I had never really thought about it before, but all the debris from the tsunami has to go somewhere. Every piece of broken furniture, every moldy item of clothing, every ruined house and car and office building has to go somewhere. The size of these dumps is almost unfathomable. They’re stories and stories high and some go for miles. It’s just unbelievable how much debris is leftover.

One of my favorite parts about Monday was all the different stories we heard about the people who lived in the apartments we were cleaning. One woman and her children were saved by a neighbor who told them to run, not take the car, which saved their lives. Many people got in their cars to try to outrun the tsunami but ended up getting trapped inside and washed away. We heard about a few other families who used to live there and were so excited about the prospect of moving back into their ruined homes. It really made all the hard work that much more special, knowing we were doing it for real people with real stories who wanted their lives back.

One of my other favorite parts about Monday was that I got to use a sledge hammer. Turns out, I really love knocking out walls and hitting things with heavy objects J (TACOS)

TUESDAY: We left Ishinomaki Tuesday morning and traveled (for like, 5 hours on 3 different trains) to Karuizawa, where we met with another missionary family. (PUPPIES) Karuizawa is in the mountains of Japan, right next to an active volcano (which was pretty exciting!). The missionaries in Karuizawa work with a Christian school and camp. We were able to stay in a beautiful cabin on the camp. The missionaries let us participate in their Tae Kwan Do class they teach at the school---which was super fun! We learned all sorts of good moves so I’m pretty dangerous now.

That evening we went to dinner at the home of a Japanese Christian couple, Mikio and Kazuko. Mikio is the minister at a church near Karuizawa. It was really neat to be able to eat in the home of not only a Japanese family, but a Christian Japanese family! After dinner they took us to a Buddhist temple high in the mountains to pray for the people of Japan. It was pretty crazy to see an actual Buddhist temple with all of their creepy statues and idols that they pray to and make offerings to.  One of the craziest things, to me at least, was that some of these weird little statues had tiny knitted hats and aprons. Mikio told us the Buddhist monks put those on them to keep those “spirits” dry and warm. How sad is it that the gods they worship need someone to keep them warm? How pathetically un-powerful is a god that needs a human to put a hat on it to save it from the elements? While it was incredibly sad to know a lot of the people in that area pray to these false gods, it was also incredibly comforting to know that our God is all-powerful, he doesn’t NEED us to do anything. He doesn’t NEED us for anything. But he wants us and he loves us anyway.

This was the night of the typhoon, so while we were praying at the temple the winds and storms were blowing like crazy. It was definitely a powerful experience to be praying that God would knock down the high places of these false gods during a huge storm like that.

 After that we went to a Shinto shrine to pray, as well. It was still storming and while we were praying that God would show these people that praying to their ancestors was empty and pointless, the light that was shining on the shrine went out. We continued to pray and as we left we started singing Here I Am to Worship. As we sang “light of the world you stepped out into darkness” the light came back on. I’m certainly not saying this was a sign from God or anything like that. Lights do tend to go off during typhoons quite regularly. But it was a pretty cool reminder that God is still in control, even in places like Japan that don’t know Him at all.

WEDNESDAY: We spent Wednesday morning helping an English school move to a new building. The school was run by 2 young missionaries that use the English school as part of their ministry. I learned how to use a drill and take shelving apart, which was pretty exciting! (UNICORN) That afternoon we went to downtown Karuizawa. Apparently, the town of Karuizawa was founded by a missionary in the 1800s and is home to the oldest wooden church building in Japan. We also got to see the tennis courts where the current Emperor of Japan met his wife and where they return every year to play a game of tennis. Very fun.

Karuizawa was really one of the coolest little places I’ve ever been! The streets were all brick and lined with the cutest specialty shops. One of which was a French bakery that John Lennon and Yoko Ono used to frequent (Yoko Ono was from Karuizawa).  The streets and buildings perfectly framed the awesome, smoking volcano too, which was pretty cool. Since the entire town of Karuizawa is in the mountains there’s a lot of forest around, so a lot of the restaurants were nestled back into the woods. They all had outdoor seating with Christmas lights all around, so it looked like you were just eating in the woods. It was really pretty cool. (TACOS) Also, Bill Gates is building a house there---so you know it must be a great place!

THURSDAY: Thursday we traveled to Niigata to visit another one of Team Expansion’s missionary families. They took us to a really neat conservatory with all sorts of Japanese gardens and flowers. There was one sort of flower that looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss book, it was just a straight green stem with a ball of purple on top. Very weird! The conservatory overlooked most of Niigata so we spent the afternoon praying for the city and the work the missionaries were planning to start there.

FRIDAY: We spent lots of hours on trains again Friday, but ended up in Tokyo by the afternoon so it was worth the train rides! We got to spend the whole day in Tokyo, just sort of exploring and shopping and seeing the city. We took by far the craziest train ride ever through Tokyo! It was more packed than I could’ve ever imagined. I honestly thought for a second I was about to get crushed to death! (DINOSAURS) It was already packed when we got on the train, so we were uncomfortable to begin with. We thought for sure no one else could fit…but we were clearly wrong. After we got on (and thought it was full) at least 10 more people shoved on. Probably more, but at that point I couldn’t see anything past the person in front of me, and there was no room to turn around, so I have no idea how many people actually got on.  We were packed in there so tightly we couldn’t even hold on to anything, but it was ok because we were so squished we couldn’t have fallen down anyway!

SATURDAY: We headed to the airport Saturday morning and spent about the next 30 hours traveling…which was crazy because our flight left Tokyo at 6 pm and we got to Chicago at 4 pm, so technically it was a -2 hour flight! We had a short flight from Chicago to Louisville and we finally got into Louisville around 9 pm!

So I think that’s a pretty detailed trip summary! I won’t add anything else on here at the end because if you’ve actually read through this entire thing you deserve to go take a nap. And a medal. But you won’t get one, so just go take a nap and know that it’s your reward for reading like a champ!

The Story of How My Life is Awesome....Finally!

For those of you who have kept up with my blog I have some great news for you! YOU WIN A PRIZE! Just kidding. Well sort of. Your prize is that you get to continue reading my blog…. Or Marshall will lick you in the face. Those are your prize options. What I was actually going to say before I started typing haphazardly was that for those of you who have kept up with my blog, I know they’re usually slightly depressing. It’s been a rough couple of years. However! You’re in for a pleasant surprise. This one is not depressing. In fact, one might even say it is (gasp) happy. So hold on to your seats because Kelsey’s in a great mood (this could partly be due to the fact that I have a bag of delicious snacks next to me but we’ll say it’s only partially because of that).

So as you know, for approximately 43 days now I’ve lived in Louisville and have been officially working at Team Expansion. And I’m not gonna lie, it’s been pretty awesome. Let’s start from the beginning. Day 1: I moved in. Morning of Day 2: Marshall jumped in bed with my roommate at 7 am while she was still asleep. She did not get mad. She laughed. Awesome roommate. Evening of Day 2: My niece and nephew were born. Awesome day. Day 7: Went to the Post (Southeast’s Sunday night service) and afterwards met an awesome group of people who invited me to join their small group. Friends by Day 7!? Winning at adulthood already! At some point between Days 8 and 12 I cooked for myself (like a champ)—I made chicken bruschetta and some delicious bread. Well, I didn’t make the bread, but I didn’t put it in the oven and that counts! Days 13-20 were spent working from Chicago and spending time with my fantastically adorable niece and nephew (because I have the best boss ever and he let me work from home for a whole week before I’d even been here a month!).

I’m not going to lie to you—the rest of the days are kind of a blur and I can’t remember what really happened. I could make up day numbers and activities but I’m sure you’d all see right through me when I started saying things like “Day 58: Rode a narwhal to the Megashark vs. Dinocroc fight and stopped for Taco Bell with Margaret Thatcher after.” But the point isà so far, life is awesome. Let’s start with why my job is awesome.

My job is awesome. Not only because I have the most awesome boss in the world (which is true, he’s pretty fantastic and lets me go see my babies when I need to) but because I really do love what I do. I love what Team Expansion does. This is not in any way meant to belittle anyone else’s job—but I really do feel like I’m part of an organization that is doing THE most important thing in the world—reaching the unreached with the Gospel. I honestly can’t think of anything else in my life that would be more important than that. Jesus straight up said “Go and make disciples of all nations…” That wasn’t a suggestion, that’s what he told us to do. That was his final thought before he left earth. And I don’t think it was one of those “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this before, so do it if you want, no big deal” kind of final thoughts. I’m pretty sure he planned this one out ahead of time. (Just to clarify one more time—I’m not saying anyone else’s job isn’t important or that people can’t do mission work in their other chosen career fields. I absolutely think they do. I know they do. People can be involved in mission work and spreading the gospel in millions of ways. So I’m not trying to say you’re not as good as me because your job doesn’t involve working for a missions organization. I’m actually fairly certain that you’re better than me in multiple ways. Unless my Dad is reading this in which case Dad, I am better than you always and don’t forget it.) My point in all this is—I’m incredibly lucky to only be 24 and be totally and completely happy with my job. There’s nothing (so far—I’ve only been here a month you know) about my job that makes me dread coming into work or makes me wish I could do something else or leaves me feeling unfulfilled. Fulfilled. That’s the word I’m looking for. Finally, after years of working toward this point, I feel very fulfilled. I love what I do. I know what I’m doing, even when I’m making spreadsheets or e-mailing people I don’t know about events I don’t completely understand, is directly affecting the souls of people that don’t know Jesus (in a good way, just to be clear). That’s a pretty cool feeling. What else could you possibly ask for in a job?!

Other reasons my life is awesome--- I’ve met some really amazing people since I’ve moved to Louisville. There are awesome people I work with for sure. But even outside of work I’ve met some incredible people that have been ridiculously nice and welcoming to me considering they don’t know me at all. Within the first week I was here I met a great group of people and I’ve been in their small group ever since (which has led me to meet more incredible people).  The first night I met them they got my phone number and started inviting me to do things with them. Who does that!? Really nice people, that’s who. It was pretty cool. I met another great group of people through a person I’d never actually met. I had a friend who had a friend that lived here so we got in touch and she invited me to her small group too even though I’d never met her and as far as she knew, I was completely insane. I went to that small group also and those people were ridiculously nice and welcoming too! I don’t know if it’s Louisville or if this is what “southern hospitality” feels like or if I just happened upon some really wonderful groups of people…but either way, God has put some pretty great people in my life down here so far.

More reasons my life is awesome—Marshall and his new puppy roommate (my roommate’s dog) get along super well. They run around and play and Marshall gets all his energy out before bedtime, which is great. Plus, he’s always happy even when I’m at work all day because he has a puppy buddy. So that makes me feel much better about leaving him while I go to work. I’m not going to say I haven’t thought about bringing him to work with me…but I haven’t been able to come up with a conceivable way to sneak him in so if anyone has any ideas please share. I’ve considered dressing him up like a baby and telling everyone he’s my nephew but that hasn’t panned out so well yet. I’ve also considered getting him a Seeing Eye Dog vest and pretending I’ve been temporarily blinded. So that’s an option too.  

Let’s see, what else is awesome… Louisville is awesome. So far, it’s been a very fun city to explore.  I know there’s still tons I haven’t seen but from what I understand there’s all sorts of exciting things to do in the summer: Shakespeare in the Park (free!), random festivals and fairs (free!), lots of pretty parks and things to wander around (also free!), tons of great restaurants (not free but worth it!). I hear there’s a pretty fantastic local music scene too which I have not checked out yet but am super excited to find out about. So basically, Louisville’s a wonderful city so far.

So to sum up…my life is pretty great right now. It was a rough couple of years with all the fundraising and waiting and having little to no social interaction with people other than my parents for about a year….but it was absolutely worth the wait! I’m so so happy to finally be down here and to finally have a life.  I may not be completely winning at adulthood yet (I may or may not eat frozen dinners and Taco Bell 73% of the time) but so far I’ve paid all my bills on time and I haven’t died from malnutrition yet so I’ll count that as a win! High five for being awesome at adulthood!