BigDent.org

As most of you know, I spent my entire summer working on CMF's microenterprising program in Nairobi. We met tons of people, mostly single mothers, who were trying to start their own businesses to support their families. We worked on getting their stories and turning them into short profiles so CMF could create a sponsorship website for people in the States to financially support these small businesses. It's really a great program. You donate a little money, they pay you back as they pay back their loan, and you can take that money and then re-invest it in someone else who needs it. It's really an awesome program and I encourage you all to look into it! We met amazing people and heard some amazing stories and it was a really great overall experience. But I've already talked about that more than enough and I don't think anyone really cares to hear me repeat myself so many times over.

HOWEVER. There has recently been a new development in my summer project! CMF made a video about their microfinancing program to advertise for their sponsorship website launch and here it is!!!

http://vimeo.com/16473030

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it was to see this video after all the work we put into this project over the summer. It was seriously overwhelming to see these people again. I recognized the kids playing in the streets and the women in the groups. I met these people and talked to them and now, because enough people worked together on this, they're going to have the opportunity to make their businesses grow beyond what they could've ever imagined. They could break the cycle of poverty in their lives and their families lives. These loans could literally change their children's entire futures. It's SO AMAZING to see this and know that I had a part in it (even if it was a tiny part). Seeing this video gave me a real sense of purpose, you know? Like I actually did something important, something that was bigger than myself. It's a pretty cool feeling, to be honest :)

So anyways, I just wanted to share this and let everyone see a glimpse of what I did all summer! And if you are so inclined, feel free to visit BigDent.org! The new site isn't launched just yet, but you can put your e-mail address in and they'll let you know when it's up and running! So watch the video, look at the website, and enjoy :)

KK vs. CK

They really encouraged us to write down our experiences so we didn't forget anything that happened in Kenya, so I kept a journal the entire time I was there. It actually proved to be a wonderful habit to start, so I kept it up afterwards. While I was in Kenya I filled page after page after page with thoughts, feelings, experiences, observations, conclusions, and a lot of complaints about the food. I realized lately, though, that even when I do write in my journal (which is not nearly as often as I should) it seems super lame. Very lacking in substance and real effort. Not nearly as cool as my Kenya journal was, although I guess that's to be expected. But still. It makes me sad to realize I have so much less substance in my life now (which I'm sure you've noticed if you've been reading my blogs through Kenya up til now..I'd like to personally apologize for the fact that nothing exciting happens to me any longer and that I write about nothing of any real value).

 

I wanted to see what I was writing about before and why I can't write as much now so I started reading my Kenya journal last week. I got about halfway through it and had to stop out of sheer terror. Why? Because my worst fears have been officially realized. I am a terrible person (which I always suspected, but I now have written proof of, which is much scarier).

 

I learned a lot in Kenya. I learned what it means to be a servant, what it means to be poor, to be needy, to be constantly uncomfortable but content all at the same time. I learned how to really, honestly talk to God and how to listen to Him in return. I learned how to have consistent quiet time and reflection and to think about things other and bigger than myself. I learned about hope and joy and how the Spirit actually moves in our lives if we let him. I learned SO much and I applied it to my life. I was a different person in Kenya. And thankfully or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), I wrote that all down. I have written evidence of the fact that I changed. For the first time in my life I really let God work in me and through me.

 

And here comes the terrifying part. I wrote down (a painful amount of times) my biggest fear in the entire world while I was in Kenya...and it wasn't that I'd get mugged or hurt or diseased or anything...it was that I'd forget that part of myself when I went home. That I would revert back to that dreadful person I was before I had this amazing experience and just lose everything I learned, everything I suffered for and worked for, everything that had made me laugh and cry and made me scared or joyful. I was honestly terrified that all of those experiences would be gone, that I'd chalk it up to a great time I had that one summer but that would be it. That was my worst fear.

 

And it came true. I became my own worst nightmare....like if Kyla turned into a giant spider or Katy Havran woke up as a televangelist...

 

I realized after reading my Kenya journal that I am once again that awful person that I hated so much before, that focuses on herself and her own comforts and desires about everyone else's. Whose day is ruined by one thing going wrong. Who only talks to God for 5 minutes as she falls asleep each day. Who isn't happy or joyful or even all that nice all the time. Who is (apparently) super self-deprecating and still pretty selfish because this entire blog is about how I suck (as were some previous ones, I know...it seems to be a popular topic with myself). 

 

It's a terrible realization when you see that you've become the worst version of yourself. And what's awful is that now I know I can do better. Before I went to Kenya I could excuse it, saying that's just how I am, that's the best I'll be, that whole "being nice to people" bit isn't for me (I'd like to clarify here that I am not, in fact, mean to people per se, I'm just not as loving as I know I should be-- as I can be-- especially when I'm watching The Office. Don't even try to talk to me then). But now I know better. I've been better. I've had that super tight relationship with God where I felt like we were on the same page with stuff, where I felt like He was showing Himself to me, where I felt like I was actually doing something meaningful with my life, even if it just meant serving someone on a small scale.

 

And it is a super disappointing feeling when you realize you've let yourself down, you've let God down, you've let down all those people who were hoping Kenya would make a difference in your life.

 

Well then, folks, here it begins. The epic battle between Kenyan Kelsey and Columbus Kelsey. Kenyan Kelsey was joyful, focused, service oriented. Columbus Kelsey is unhappy, lonely, cynical, and excruciatingly selfish. 

Who will win the battle of wills as KK and CK fight to the death!?

 

I hope for the sake of everyone around me it's Kenyan Kelsey :)

Butterfly in the Sky....

So over the summer and during the past few months I’ve stumbled upon a few things that really had an affect on me. I just wanted to share these with everyone so hopefully you someone can get something out of it too! Or at least maybe you’ll be entertained for an hour or so if/when you read/listen to these.


Princess by Jean Sasson

So this is one of the best books I’ve ever read. Seriously. And I’ve read a lot of books. One of the girls on my team in Kenya was reading it so we passed it around a good bit. I think half the girls on our team read it, actually…and maybe some of the guys. When it was my turn I read it within 24 hours. I literally stayed up til 3 am just to finish it.

And it’s not some lame romance novel about princesses and dragons and knights so don’t worry (and if you think I would ever actually read that ridiculousness I am horrendously offended...although dragons are kind of cool). It’s a true story about a Saudi Arabian princess and her life in the prison-like environment of the Saudi royal family. The whole book is just about how women are looked at and treated in strict Muslim cultures and it’s seriously disturbing. She talks about women she knew that were raped and then executed because of it and women who tried to escape their “homes,” (which are more like jails) and as punishment were confined in a dark room, alone, for the rest of their entire lives. It’s just so crazy, I knew women were looked at differently in Muslim cultures but I never realized how terrible it was, even for the royal family! I mean this woman is a princess and she can’t leave her home without a man or a note from her father or husband.

I know it sounds depressing and awful and not something you want to spend your free time reading about, but I honestly believe it’s something everyone in America needs to know. Especially women. When I was reading this in Africa I just kept thinking that even the women who live in filth in the slums have it better than these incredibly wealthy women in Saudi Arabia. It will make you so thankful that you live in the States.
I feel like LeVar Burton. Now that our Reading Rainbow moment is done…

Tony Campolo—The Last Great Idea

This is a sermon we listened to at debrief after Africa and it really summed up everything I felt about American culture and what I had learned in Kenya but couldn’t quite verbalize. I’ll just let you listen to it and enjoy! It’s really, really good...and that's all I'll say.

http://podcast.christianaudio.com/?p=32

Thanks, hackers

So I recently took a walk down memory lane thanks to some hackers who messed with my hotmail account. Doesn't make sense does it? Hold on, it will! Quit whining :) Anyways, I got some weird e-mail virus on my super old hotmail account last week so I had to go through and make sure it was all gone, and while I was doing that I found a ton of old e-mails, some from my freshman year of high school all the way up to sophomore year of college. And even a few that were pretty recent. They were random e-mails that I kept because they meant something to me at the time, and they were all from random people, friends, cousins, ex-boyfriends, etc. But going through these was one of the most amazing things I've done in awhile. I got to glimpse pieces of my life from high school through college, what I was thinking, feeling, who I was close to, who felt close to me, what I was up to or upset about or excited for. It's crazy because I'd say those are probably some of the most important years of your life when it comes to forming who and what you are and will become. And it's so great to be able to look back and see who had an impact on me, who changed me, whose ideas and philosophies I appreciated then and understand completely differently now. It's just great.

 

And it's exactly what I needed today. It was another slightly depressing day where I felt like my entire life was behind me because college was over (which means fun is over) and the only possible future I could imagine included me living a life of uselessness and misery and ended with me dying alone and unsatisfied with what I'd done with myself (Yes, I realize that sounds overly dramatic and despondent and yes I'm over it now, don't worry).

 

But I came across these e-mails and it made me realize that I've lived a great life, even if I didn't always appreciate it at the time. I've had amazing people in my life molding me and shaping me, whether they knew it or not, into what I am now and what I will one day become. It's cool to see little bits of other people in my own characteristics and personality, little bits that are there to remind me of some great people who have really impacted my life. And it made me realize that I've had great relationships with people and I've made some great memories and it doesn't have to stop just because I graduated. I mean I realize no one else really thinks that, but sometimes it kind of feels like that for me now.

Anyways, I didn't want to end up sounding super sad and depressed and miserable, which is how I think this kind of turned out...so sorry. Just read it out loud in a squirrel voice and it'll sound a lot happier. Or giggle at the end of  each sentence or something. My point is, it's awesome to be able to look back and see who I was compared to who I am now (I'm much less awkward now, believe it or not. I know, hard to believe). And hopefully in another 5 or 8 years I'll get to look back at these blog posts and be embarrassed that I ever thought these silly things. Hopefully I will know much more by then and I'll look back and think I am really ridiculous and slightly stupid right now. And hopefully I'll be able to look back and see how God took everything that I thought was bad and wrong in my life and pieced it together like a jigsaw puzzle (a super tricky jigsaw puzzle because God is way too smart for those 1000 piecers) to make something amazing and wonderful and totally worth all the ridiculousness and frustrations and "Why the heck did I do that's." That would be great.

I'm The Next Edward

People are important. We all know that we take a lot for granted, but I never realized how much I took people for granted until I didn’t have any. I’ve lived in Columbus for about 2 weeks now…and it’s been a good time don’t get me wrong, I like the apartment (I have my own bathroom!) and I like my job and the people I work with….but I know no one here. Literally, I know the names of 10 people in Columbus and only have the phone numbers of 3 of them. I’ve never moved cities before, my entire life is in Cincinnati. It’s weird leaving that behind and ending up in a city where I literally have no life outside of my apartment and work.

*I would like to take a moment right here to say that the people I DO know here are awesome and have done an amazing job of hanging out with me and making sure I don't feel lonely and taking me on their dates when I'm sure they didn't want to :) And I appreciate that oh so much!! That being said, they aren't always around, we all have very different work schedules so I don't get to see them both all the time. Plus they're kind of engaged so I'm sure they don't want me hanging around all that much*

My point is, I never realized how important people are in your life. Jobs, cars, money…it all means nothing if you don’t have people to share it with.  I know that seems obvious and everyone should know that…but apparently I didn’t haha Last week the 2 people I knew were out of town and working so I went exploring a part of Columbus that I heard had a lot of cool, eclectic stores and restaurants. It kind of reminded me of Clifton. Anyways, I went down there by myself to just sort of see what it was like--I’d also like to mention that I don’t normally mind going places by myself, I actually do it a lot when I don’t even have to. But it’s different when it’s not a choice, when it’s forced on you haha

So I was wandering around and I started to notice there were tons of groups of people waking and shopping and eating together...and for the first time in my life I got jealous of the people that had friends. It seems silly, I mean I have friends (or so I tell myself) but I was seriously jealous that these people had other people to just be with them. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until then.  There’s no one for me to call to go to dinner with me or go to Target with me or to come over to watch my new Office Season 6 dvds. It’s weird to go from college, where there were people around all the time, to Africa, where there were people around all the time, to Columbus where there’s people around all the time, but I don’t know any of them…

I struggled with this a good bit over the last couple of days. I got kind of mad at God because I felt like I did this already; I stepped out of my comfort zone hardcore and went to Africa with people I’d never met. Wasn’t that enough? Was He just trying to make me miserable for kicks and giggles? Well, He probably was. I mean if I was God I would do that…Anyways, I’m sure God is trying to teach me something…but I’m trying to figure out what it is.

While I have no idea what it really is that He’s trying to teach me, sometimes I like to guess :) Guess #1….I realized there was a very good chance God’s teaching me to rely on Him and not on other people. I thought this was a lesson I learned in Africa…but it was way easier there (which sounds ridiculous because nothing is easier in Africa! Especially not bathrooms…). In Africa I had no choice but to rely on Him, I didn’t have my best friends or my family to lean on. I didn’t have anyone else but Him. It was easy. When I got back to the States I wholeheartedly started to suck at life again. I didn’t “need” God anymore, I felt safe, comfortable, happy, so I basically ignored Him. Not entirely…but a lot more than I should have. I tried to justify it 1,000 different ways but let’s be honest…I sucked like a vampire at a blood bank.

My point is….maybe it’s good that I don’t know anyone here. There’s a lot less distractions and a lot more time for me to just hang out with God, which I need to learn to do better. I’m learning to rely on Him even when I don’t “need” Him because of something crazy or awful going on in my life.  I’m learning a lot about living a normal life for Christ…which doesn’t sound exciting but is so so important. Anyone can be an awesome person in Africa, it’s a lot more difficult to be awesome in the States. So let’s hope I can keep that up and I don’t suck so bad that I end up in the next Twilight book….

After Africa

I've decided to keep my blog, even though I am no longer in Africa and no one probably cares much about what I'm doing now....but nonetheless, I decided that I'm going to keep updating it every few weeks or so. Who knows what about, but I'll come up with something. If nothing else I'll just tell everyone what I ate for lunch that week....so you better pray some exciting things happen in my life so you aren't reduced to reading about my turkey sandwiches and Cup o' Soups.

That being said...I've officially changed the name of my blog to Kelsey's After-Africa Adventures. I thought that was fitting considering I probably won't be in the same place for more than a few months at a time for the next year or so...and this seemed easier than changing its name every 3 months.

So there you have it. Enjoy.

PS....today for lunch I had a BLT salad from LaRosas....

A Few Things...

I thought I'd go ahead and put up some links on here just in case anyone is interested in learning more about Mathare Valley or about sponsoring a child or whatnot. Also...for those of you who don't have Facebook, I'll put up a link to my pictures, too!

This is the organization that I worked with this summer. There's lots of good information on here: http://www.hopemissionsintl.org/home

And here: http://cmfi.org/partner/hopepartnership

If you're interested in sponsoring a child in Mathare Valley you can email Sue Warren at CMF and she will help you out: Suewarren@cmfi.org

This is a link to my pictures from the summer: http://picasaweb.google.com/kelseymcmullen/Kenya2010?feat=directlink