Honey Badgers vs. Unicorns

Disclaimer: This entire blog post comes from me casually reading the story of Noah. Casually. I did no research or studying to come to any of the conclusions I draw here. Some of them (all of them) may be horrendously inaccurate or misguided or heretical. My apologies if they are. You've been warned. Disclaimer over. 

So, as most of you know (if you don't know: surprise!) my fiancé broke up with me about a month ago. It's been a really weird month, to be honest. To go from thinking you're getting married and moving to Africa to starting what feels like your entire life over is…bizarre. And confusing. And disappointing. And sad. And did I mention bizarre? Like I said, it's been a weird month.

Clearly, there are a lot of emotions that go along with all this. I won't go into a lot of the details about what happened or why (partially because I'm still not sure what happened or why myself) but the one thing that really has been hard for me through all this (ok, one of many things that have been hard for me) is figuring out how God plays into all this. I was so sure God was leading me in this direction, to marry this person and start this life in North Africa. I was more sure than I'd been about most anything else in my life so far.

So what the heck happened? Did God lead me to that place just to drop me and leave me hurt and confused? Was this part of the plan from the beginning? Or did I totally and completely misunderstand what I thought God was "telling" me or where He was leading me? Do I even know what it sounds like or looks like when God's trying to tell me something? I'm not so sure I do.

I don't have all the answers still. I probably won't ever. But in the midst of all this I started reading through the story of Noah. Not on purpose though, I never purposefully read the story of Noah. It's one of those stories I feel like I get pretty well at this point. Guy builds a boat, takes a cruise with a zoo, there's some rainbows. End of story, right?

Maybe it was because I was feeling very deep and reflective about life and the meaning of things and why things happen and other things people think about when they're being weird and sad and melodramatic. Maybe it's just because I haven't purposefully read the story of Noah in about 10 years (clearly not my best call, I know, I get it, I'll read through the whole Old Testament now. Ok? Get off my back) but either way, when I read through the story of Noah this time it seemed very different from the bedtime story I'd always viewed it as.

It seems pretty obvious to most of us that if God tells you to build a boat, you do it. I'm ok with that part. Seems logical. I'd do the same thing. In fact, if I ever really thought I heard God audibly speak to me I'm fairly certain I'd do absolutely whatever it was without question for fear of Him melting my face off. Not that God melts faces, I mean He might, I don't know. I just wouldn't want that to be on my tombstone "Here lies Kelsey. Face melted by God." Actually, now that I see that written out, it looks kind of cool. But I'd still rather not incur the wrath of God to the point of face melting so I'm sticking with my original theory that if God told me to do something I'd do it, no questions asked. So I get why Noah went with it. Good call, Noah.

Here's the part where I feel like things get crazy. It took Noah somewhere between 50 and 100 years to build the ark (I'm not a biblical scholar, I'm making some estimated guesses here). And as far as I can tell (again, not a biblical scholar here), God spoke to Noah to tell him what to do, but then Noah didn't hear from God until after the ark was done. God told him to build the ark, then after it was done, God told him to head on in. That means that Noah plugged away building a giant boat for over 50 years without another word from God. As someone who likes a lot of positive affirmation, that seems insane to me. I can barely pick out an outfit without someone else telling me it looks ok. I can't imagine working on a boat for 50 years without a thumbs up or a gold star every now and again. If I was Noah I would've very much appreciated a "Hey great job, keep up the good work!" every decade or so, just so I'd know I was on the right path. But I'm fairly certain that didn't happen. God said do it and expected Noah to do it, no second guessing.

I really can't imagine what must've gone through Noah's head during that 50-100 years. How many times he must've second-guessed himself, replayed God's words in his head, tried to remember what exactly He had said, tried to decide if it was real, if it had actually happened. I don't doubt there were days when Noah thought he might be crazy, where he wondered if God had ever really spoken to him or if he'd just imagined it. But then that wonderful day came when God spoke again and told Noah to get into the ark.  That must've been a relief.

Ok so God finally speaks to Noah again, tells him to get on the boat and He shuts the door behind him (that was nice of Him, I think). And then it starts raining and the flood comes, people die, they float around for awhile, etc. etc. But then Noah doesn't hear from God again for an entire year. A year! Noah and his family spent an entire year on a boat with a ridiculous amount of animals (who I'm sure continued to have the normal bodily functions of animals. Some of them were probably seasick. I bet that was fun) without hearing from God. He spent an entire year cramped on a boat with his family, feeding animals, cleaning pens, trying to keep the honey badgers and the unicorns apart (which in my mind, he failed miserably at, which is probably why there are no more unicorns. I have no biblical evidence for that, I just choose to believe that's what happened).

I can't imagine what Noah thought during this time. I know at this point he trusted God to come through for him, but I'm sure it was still really awful. He had no idea how long he'd be on that boat. As far as he knew he could've spent the rest of his life bobbing around on the world's first (and only, to my knowledge) Floating Zoo. He had no idea what God had in store, what came next, what the plan was.

This is how I feel right now. I feel like I'm on an ark floating in the waters with no idea of what's going on or what happens next or how long I'll be here. I felt like God led me to this place but now it's different than I ever imagined it would be. It's not what I expected, it's not what I hoped for, it's not what I wanted. But it's where I am.

I feel like sometimes we look back at the stories of the Bible and think "Oh they had it so easy, God just spoke to them and told them what to do." We have this romanticized vision of what life was like for them, but I think we're wrong. I think it was hard. Really hard. God has plans, but He doesn't give us a heads up about what they are (which is smart of Him, really, because otherwise I would've sent God multiple notarized letters about why His plans were bad and unwelcome and as we all know, God hates getting notarized letters but He would've read them because He's nice like that and it would've wasted His time and my time and probably gotten really annoying after awhile and He would've had to melt my face off just to stop me from sending Him so much mail).  Noah trusted that God would take care of him. I'm sure he was scared and confused and worried occasionally, but he didn't let that overwhelm him, he didn't let it change his course or his trust in God.

Here's another thing about Noah that I found interesting. After a few months on the ark without hearing from God, Noah sent out some birds to see if the waters had receded. He didn't need God to give him step by step directions for his life, he knew a bird would fly around and come back if it couldn't land, so he did the best he could with what he knew. He threw out some birds to see what was going on out there. He didn't just sit on the ark and mope and complain about how God had left him there to die or to float around for all eternity. He made decisions himself; he moved the process along as best as he could without interfering with God's explicit instructions. He did something. He made the best decisions he could with the knowledge he had.

Eventually God told him to get off the boat and we all know what happens next: rainbows, wine, streaking, passing out drunk, curses on your youngest son, etc. That part of the story isn't super relevant to the point I'm making here (although it is largely entertaining). My point is this (well I have multiple points so I'll make them as succinctly as possible because this is already super long and you probably stopped reading a long time ago. I don't blame you. I didn't give you incentives to finish this. That's on me): Noah trusted God's plan, even when God was silent, even when things were confusing or scary, even when he had no idea what was going to happen or why or how he got into this mess or how many loads of camel dung he'd have to throw off the side of the boat. God doesn't give us the whole picture and he doesn't make it easy for us. But that's when we do the best we can with what we know. I can't sit around whining on my metaphorical boat waiting for God to open the doors. I might be here for weeks or months or years. That's why, even when we don't understand what's happening, even when we don't know why God would lead us to the place we're at, that's why we need to start throwing some birds out the window.

So that is my plan. Bird throwing. I may not understand what happened or why or if this was where God wanted me or just where I ended up. But in any case, I'm here now and I know that God won't forget about me, He won't leave me here to float around in my ocean of uncertainty and confusion forever. But until He opens that door and I can get off this miserable boat I'll just keep throwing birds, doing the best I can with what I know, serving Him where I'm at, and being thankful for the fact that no one told me to spend a year in an ark with a honey badger. 

What To Expect When You're Not Expecting

Disclaimer: This ended up being a lot longer than I was planning. BUT if you read all the way through there's a super cool story at the end!!!! Is that enough incentive? Probably not. A cookie? Do you want a cookie? We could talk about cookies...

So this week I'm traveling through Ohio and Pennsylvania visiting supporters and speaking at churches. It's been an awesome week so far, complete with various activities that involved visiting the house I was born in (well, I wasn't born there, my parents weren't hippies and we all very much enjoy actual medical facilities. But I came home to there and lived there for the next 3 years, so whatever you'd call that), getting licked and subsequently attacked by a baby cheetah, and seeing God do some awesome stuff through some amazing people. I'll skip the first 2 things and tell you about the last one.

For those of you who don't know, I was born in Alliance OH (in a hospital, just so we're all clear) where my Dad was the minister at Cornerstone Christian Church. We moved when I was 3, but I have some really amazing memories of that church and the fantastic people we knew there. Even though I didn't spend much time there, it still feels like coming home and seeing family whenever I go back to visit, which I got to do this weekend. They invited me up to speak to their church about my work with Team Expansion and my future in North Africa with Jordan. On my trip up I was talking to Jordan on the phone and he was telling me about a really amazing sermon he'd heard recently about expectant faith; not just praying for things, but truly believing God will provide the things you're asking for, not just knowing God can do something, but knowing He WILL.

This is something I have a hard time with. I'm an anxious pessimist by nature (a couple months ago I noticed a freckle in my eye and spent the next hour wholeheartedly believing I had eye cancer. I was certain I was dying. I'm pretty sure I even planned out my own funeral. Spoiler alert: I don't have eye cancer), so it's hard for me to not prepare for the worst. When I ask God for things I do so with the full knowledge that He can make it happen, but I always prepare myself for the disappointment that He won't. I'm always preparing myself for the next disappointment, the next bad thing, the next let down, not because I think people will always let me down, most of the time they don't, but because I hate the feeling of hoping for something or expecting something and being disappointed when it doesn't turn out the way I want it to.

Disappointment is one (of many) emotions I haven't figured out how to handle like a grown up. In fact, I'm pretty sure I still handle disappointment like a 3 year old. I tend to do a lot of whining and pouting and self-pitying when I'm expecting something or looking forward to something that doesn't happen. One time I was in a hurry and on my way somewhere (I'm sure it was somewhere important, as I am an incredibly important person, but unfortunately I can't remember where exactly it was. But I'm sure it was important) and had gotten a much needed large Diet Coke from McDonald's, which is one of my favorite things in the world. I was embarrassingly excited about my giant Diet Coke. As I was getting out of my car I put the drink on top of the roof for a second while I grabbed the rest of my stuff. It immediately slid off and exploded on the concrete. It was too late to go get another one, I was going to have to finish my day Coke-less. I'm pretty sure I yelled in anger and despair. I may have also cried. It definitely ruined the rest of my day (which I'm assuming was already going terribly because otherwise I probably wouldn't have cried about a Diet Coke. Maybe I would've. I really love Diet Coke). My point is that I don't handle disappointments well and unfortunately, that bleeds into almost every area of my life, including how I see God.

It's not that I think God doesn't hear my prayers or that He isn't answering them, I'm just always afraid the answer will be no. I know He can do all things, but I'm afraid He won't do the things I ask, so I prepare myself for the possibility that things won't work out in the way I'm asking. But that's not what God tells us to do. In Mark 11:22-24 it says "Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Well that pretty much speaks for itself, doesn't it...

So that leads me to the super cool story I promised you. As I was saying, I was talking to Jordan about expectant faith and how important that is in the line of work we're going into. So after we hung up I was thinking about it and realizing how terrible I am at expecting God to show up when I ask Him to so I thought to myself "Ok, this is what I should do, this is what I'll do. God, please let me raise $1,000 from the church I'm about to visit to cover the cost of a training course I have to take next year." As soon as I finished my prayer I kind of laughed to myself at that thought. I wasn't even going to speak at this church with the expectation of raising any money at all, it was just a visit to update them about my ministry. And on top of that, Cornerstone is a small church in a fairly rural part of Ohio. It's by no means a megachurch; in fact, I'm pretty sure there were less than 50 people there on the day I spoke. I promptly forgot about my $1,000 prayer and finished up my trip, arrived in Alliance, and had an amazing time visiting with people I hadn't seen in years, hearing stories about myself as a 2 year old, and seeing pictures of my family from 1990 (such awesome pictures, such bad hair).

I spoke to the Sunday School class and again during the worship service and filled them all in on my life, my ministry, my future in Africa, and assured them Jordan was, in fact, good enough for me :) Then we finished up with a pot luck lunch and some more stories about how awesome I was as a tiny child (what can I say, some things you're just born with). During the lunch they announced that they'd collected over $700 for my ministry in a love offering. I was absolutely floored. I didn't expect anything, let alone $700! I felt so encouraged and so loved. It was awesome.

***Story in a story: The week before I came to visit the little kids made banks during junior church and they had them spend the week raising money for me. A lot of them did chores for their parents to collect money. One of the little boys' chores was to pick up the chicken eggs, move the dog bed, and not chase their rooster. That was my favorite :) The kids ended up raising over $40 for my work in North Africa! About 5 kids raised $40! How awesome is that?! I was so humbled to think these little kids spent an entire week working and raising money just for me and the work I'll be doing! It was seriously amazing. One of my favorite moments ever. Ok end of story in a story***

As I was leaving they handed me a check for the amount they'd raised. I didn't think to even look at it, I was still so amazed they'd raised $700! I just stuck it in my wallet and thanked everyone. As I was leaving one of the elders handed me some cash, saying they also wanted to cover my expenses for traveling all the way up there. I told them they didn't have to do that, but they were insistent so I took it (again without looking) and thanked them again (seriously, they're the nicest people ever). I got in my car and started to drive back, still amazed that one of the smallest churches I'd spoken at raised $700 for me!

I stopped less than an hour later to get some gas. As I opened my wallet to pay I saw the check they'd handed me. I finally took a second to look at it and my mouth dropped. It was for $900! I was so sure they had said $700 when they announced it earlier. I was even more amazed than before. This one church of 50 people raised $900 for my work. So awesome. Then I remembered the prayer I'd prayed the day before. I thought to myself, "Wow God, this isn't quite $1000 but it's still WAY more than I thought I'd get so thank you! You really do provide." I started driving again and thinking about how cool God was when I remembered the cash they'd given me before I left. I hadn't counted that either so I immediately pulled over and counted it out. Exactly $100.

Mind blown.

God had answered me in a big way. I'd asked for $1000 and that is EXACTLY what He gave me. I really don't know what else to say besides my mind was seriously blown. I spent the next 2 hours driving and smiling and thinking to myself, "Man, God is so cool. So cool."

I wouldn't normally talk about finances or how much money someone gave me or anything like that, but this was too amazing not to share. God worked in an amazing way through Cornerstone Christian Church this weekend. He used Cornerstone not only to provide the money I needed for an expensive training course I have to take next year, but to show me how important expectant faith is, how important expectant prayer is, and how He truly does want to give us good things, we just have to trust that His word is true. He wants to show up, He wants to work things out, He wants to blow our minds, we just have to give Him the chance. Just trust Him, that's all we have to do. Should be easy enough, right? ;)

Oh right cookies. There was talk of cookies. Well umm, sure, let me just...oh no... I'm going... through a tunnel...can't hear you...

My New Life Plan and How the Germans Ruined Everything

So...it seems like I have some big life changes coming up soon. As most of you know, I got engaged last month and since I've promised some people the full story and explanation of what happened and what's happening next with my life and ministry, I figured I'd write it out so everyone could read it or not read it at their leisure. Warning: this will be the full story, beginning to end, so feel free to skip to the parts you find most exciting or are most curious about. There won't be a quiz at the end to see if you read it all, I promise.

Jordan and I met last fall at the Team Expansion office. He was in the office for some training before he headed to North Africa. We started dating in November and he left for North Africa in February. Before he left we discussed the possibility of me eventually moving to North Africa too and we decided I'd go visit in the summer to see how I felt about it (sidenote: I did not feel good about it at the time). He flew me out to visit at the beginning of June. It was a really great trip; I got to see the country, learn a little about the culture and the people, figure out what sort of North African food I'd be willing to eat, and see the work Jordan is doing there. Jordan's been doing amazing things in the short 4 months he's been there. He's really picked up the language and has made a lot of friends from the local university. He's had the chance to share his testimony and the gospel with his new friends multiple times and some of them really seem open to studying the Bible together. It's really pretty awesome. God is doing big things in North Africa right now and seeing all that made me really excited to be a part of it (but no act of God or man can make me excited about the prospect of eating North African food for the rest of my life. Pray for a McDonalds). 

Jordan's currently in North Africa on a tourist visa, which means he has to leave the country every 4 months in order to renew his visa. I just so happened to be visiting when his first 4 months were up :) We figured we'd take advantage of our chance to go somewhere fun, so we went to Milan, Italy for a week and stayed with some of Jordan's friends that live there. So that was super fun. 

I figured there was a pretty good chance Jordan would propose soon (I assumed there aren't that many girls willing to move to North Africa, so I figured he knew he needed to lock this down while he had the chance, before I went home and changed my mind) and I assumed he'd do it in Italy (I mean, he could've done it in North Africa but....come on). On the second day we were in Italy he wore the only nice shirt he brought, so I figured there was a good chance it would happen that day (spoiler alert: I was right). So we spent most of the day sightseeing around Milan, we visited the Duomo cathedral, walked the little Italian streets, we both knew he was going to propose soon and joked about it, so he fake proposed multiple times during the day at random places (to which I responded "You're not doing it here. Stop it. If you do it here I'll say no."), we ate lunch at McDonalds, you know, super romantic stuff. In the afternoon we decided to go see Da Vinci's Last Supper painting at the Santa Maria delle Grazie church. We found out after we got there that you not only have to pay to see it, but you have to make reservations ahead of time (that seemed silly to me), so we never actually saw the painting the church is famous for. But in any case, we started leaving and saw this little courtyard behind the church so we stopped in. 

We sat down in the courtyard for a minute and then he started into his speech of why I'm the most fantastic person he's ever met and how no one is nearly as awesome as I am and never will be and how he'll do whatever I ask him to do for the rest of his life (that's how I remember it going, at least). I thought this was another fake proposal, so I kept saying, "No, stop it. You're not doing it here. Why would you do it here? Quit it." At which he replied, "No, I really am doing it here." I said, "No, why would you do it here?" (I was perchance being a slight bit difficult) Finally he just said, "Kelsey, I'm doing it here! I have a photographer and everything! I'm going to propose to you." By then I was super confused at who and where the photographer was, but I didn't have much time to wonder because in the middle of his speech a large group of German tourists came pouring into the courtyard. He stopped talking, hoping they'd walk through and leave, but apparently they thought it was a really nice courtyard, too and decided to stay awhile. The Germans got comfy and sat down (with their luggage) on either side of us. So there we were, sitting in this Italian church courtyard, surrounded by German tourists with German luggage, in the middle of a half-finished proposal. Jordan had announced he was going to propose but hadn't actually done it yet, so we were sitting awkwardly in silence as he tried to figure out how to recover from the unexpected company. He decided we'd move to the other end of the courtyard, so mid-proposal we got up and walked to the other side where he un-flustered himself and finished his proposal. It was really super funny and we both decided later we wouldn't have had it go any other way. It was hilariously perfect. 

                                     

The proposal definitely hadn't gone as planned, but to his credit, Jordan had tried really hard to set everything up to go perfectly. He had a friend scope out the courtyard a week before at the exact day and time we'd be there to be sure it would be empty and he'd hired a photographer to take pictures of the proposal and to take some pictures of us around Milan afterward. He had even researched a really nice restaurant in Milan to go to that evening, but after a 45 minute walk there we found out it was closed (poor Jordan) but thankfully he had a plan B so we ended up at a really nice restaurant downtown Milan that overlooked the Duomo. Despite everything that didn't go as planned, it really was a wonderful day and now we have a super funny story, so I think it all worked out for the best :)

Ok so, now that we're engaged, what happens next? Well, it looks like I'm moving to North Africa. But not yet, don't worry! Jordan won't be able to get back to the States long enough for us to get married until next fall, so as of now, the plan is for us to get married with just our immediate families on a beach in September 2014 (so if anyone has a beach house they want to let us use for that I certainly wouldn't object). We hope to have some celebrations/receptions with our extended family and friends after we get back (more details on that later...much later. We have absolutely nothing planned yet). 

Team Expansion's policy is that newly married couples have to spend their first few months of marriage in the States (hooray!), so we probably won't be moving to North Africa until the spring of 2015. Until then, things will pretty much be the same. Jordan will continue his work in North Africa and I'll keep working at the home office in Louisville. Since we're both already with Team Expansion it makes things fairly simple. I'll have to go to a few more trainings between now and then, but that should pretty much be it! Well, that and all the planning and packing and support raising and getting married and combining our finances and sharing a car...but THAT should be pretty much it! Maybe?

So....I think that about sums it all up! I'm getting married and moving to Africa. That's not such a big deal, right? Right? Ok if you really want to, you can start praying for North Africa to really embrace the idea of McDonalds. And Taco Bell. And donuts. And Jesus. And movies in English. And Mt. Dew...

Japan

So…I went to Japan last week!! That was pretty crazy, right? The whole trip kind of came about out of nowhere (for me at least) and I only had 2 months or so to get myself all ready for it. But I’m so glad it all worked out because it was a really great trip! I went with Team Expansion of course, with Doug Lucas (President), Betty Byrd (Prayer and Personnel), and 3 younger girls, Casey, Cassidy , and Whitney. Whitney had just finished college a year or so ago, Casey was in college, and Cassidy was only 16 and still in high school, but really had a heart for Japan. We took this trip for a couple of reasons: 1) To visit the missionaries we have in Japan, 2) So Casey, Cassidy, and Whitney could see if Japan is somewhere they’d want to serve long-term, and 3) So I could get experience in leading these types of trips for the future.

Just a warning: I’m about to give you a detailed recap of the entire trip…so if you don’t care that much (which I don’t blame you for) or don’t know how to read (which is sad, we should talk about that), please feel free to stop here and go get a snack or skim the rest of it to see if any exciting words pop out. Just to keep you interested, I might add in random words to catch the attention of all you skimmers. Things like DRUGS and PUPPIES and TACOS. We’ll see.

Ok so I’m probably just going to go day by day here, since that seems easiest.

FRIDAY/SATURDAY: So we met at the airport Friday morning at 4 am. Needless to say that wasn’t fun. Plus, if you’ve been getting my e-mail updates, you know I’m slightly terrified of flying…so I wasn’t super excited about the whole travel part in general. Our first flight was from Louisville to Dallas and it was fairly miserable. I got super air sick and I was really pretty nervous so it was just a bad few hours. But we got to Dallas and I ate some crackers and took some DRUGS (legal ones, just to be clear) and felt much better. The flight from Dallas to Tokyo was much better. The DRUGS really helped, as did the whole “being able to watch movies on your own screen on the headrest in front of you” thing. It took about 12 hours, but I slept for most of it so it wasn’t too bad. We got to Tokyo on Saturday afternoon. There was a delay on one of the trains we had to take (a number of people told us there was probably a suicide—apparently it happens pretty often, people just jump in front of the trains on an almost daily basis. Very sad.) so we missed the last train to Ishinomaki (the city we were headed to). Needless to say that created a pretty crazy series of events where we were rushing around train stations and random city streets trying to find a very specific bus stop so we could get the absolute last bus to Ishinomaki. Luckily we made it and arrived in Ishinomaki at like, 11 pm, and were greeted by the distinct Tennessee accent of one of the missionaries yelling “Konichiwa, ya’ll!” which was wonderfully amusing after 30+ hours of traveling.

SUNDAY: We had a pancake breakfast at the church in Ishinomaki, which was delicious. It was a really cool experience getting to worship with Japanese believers, the missionaries, and a few other short term teams. After that we headed to Onegawa, one of the cities hit the hardest by the tsunami last year. Ishinomaki had also been hit badly, but Onegawa lost something like 80% of their buildings and ¼ of their population. We went with 2 Japanese believers, Ahbay-San and his daughter. He had lost his wife in the tsunami when she tried to seek shelter on the roof of the bank she worked at. Sadly, it wasn’t high enough. He and another man, Suzuki-San (a community leader trying to rebuild the city) explained to us that the evacuation center for the town was a hospital pretty high up on a hill (but still right beside the water).  They said it was pretty cold the day of the tsunami and a lot of people were in their cars in the parking lot of the hospital trying to stay safe but also keep warm. They could see the shoreline very well from where they were, so they were trying to keep an eye on the water levels. However, the mountains behind them apparently forced the water to funnel back toward the hospital, where no one was looking, so many of the cars and people at the evacuation center were swept out to sea when the waves came rushing toward them from behind. It was pretty surreal to stand in that parking lot, overlooking what used to be a thriving downtown area but was now just empty lots, knowing that dozens of people died where we were standing. Not to get too morbid here…but all I could think about was the fear these people must have felt while they were being swept away inside their cars, knowing there was nothing they could do to save themselves. Knowing the statistics of the country, it’s also pretty safe to say almost none of these people were Christians. It’s scary enough to know you’re being swept out to sea and won’t survive…but can you imagine knowing you’re going to die and not knowing where you’ll go or what will happen to you once you do?

While we were talking to Suzuki-San we asked him what we could pray for and all he said was that he wanted to be remembered. He asked us not to forget him or Onegawa and to not let everyone in America forget what happened and how they’re all still healing and rebuilding. The tsunami might be over, but the recovery is a long, painful process for them.

MONDAY: Monday morning we woke up to a 6.2 earthquake around 5 am! So that was an exciting way to start the day! The rest of the day we spent with the missionaries, cleaning up Ishinomaki. Since the missionaries in Ishinomaki moved there about a year ago (from Osaka, where they had been doing church planting) they’ve spent almost every day helping the community clean up from the tsunami. Almost every day is a “work day” of grueling physical labor for them. On Monday we spent the day with them, cleaning up a number of small apartments that had been ruined by the tsunami. And by “cleaning up” I mean we emptied the houses of the owners’ ruined, muddy, moldy possessions, removed moldy floors and walls and doors, and took multiple truckloads of debris to one of the dozens of massive city dumps. The dumps were one of the craziest things to me. I had never really thought about it before, but all the debris from the tsunami has to go somewhere. Every piece of broken furniture, every moldy item of clothing, every ruined house and car and office building has to go somewhere. The size of these dumps is almost unfathomable. They’re stories and stories high and some go for miles. It’s just unbelievable how much debris is leftover.

One of my favorite parts about Monday was all the different stories we heard about the people who lived in the apartments we were cleaning. One woman and her children were saved by a neighbor who told them to run, not take the car, which saved their lives. Many people got in their cars to try to outrun the tsunami but ended up getting trapped inside and washed away. We heard about a few other families who used to live there and were so excited about the prospect of moving back into their ruined homes. It really made all the hard work that much more special, knowing we were doing it for real people with real stories who wanted their lives back.

One of my other favorite parts about Monday was that I got to use a sledge hammer. Turns out, I really love knocking out walls and hitting things with heavy objects J (TACOS)

TUESDAY: We left Ishinomaki Tuesday morning and traveled (for like, 5 hours on 3 different trains) to Karuizawa, where we met with another missionary family. (PUPPIES) Karuizawa is in the mountains of Japan, right next to an active volcano (which was pretty exciting!). The missionaries in Karuizawa work with a Christian school and camp. We were able to stay in a beautiful cabin on the camp. The missionaries let us participate in their Tae Kwan Do class they teach at the school---which was super fun! We learned all sorts of good moves so I’m pretty dangerous now.

That evening we went to dinner at the home of a Japanese Christian couple, Mikio and Kazuko. Mikio is the minister at a church near Karuizawa. It was really neat to be able to eat in the home of not only a Japanese family, but a Christian Japanese family! After dinner they took us to a Buddhist temple high in the mountains to pray for the people of Japan. It was pretty crazy to see an actual Buddhist temple with all of their creepy statues and idols that they pray to and make offerings to.  One of the craziest things, to me at least, was that some of these weird little statues had tiny knitted hats and aprons. Mikio told us the Buddhist monks put those on them to keep those “spirits” dry and warm. How sad is it that the gods they worship need someone to keep them warm? How pathetically un-powerful is a god that needs a human to put a hat on it to save it from the elements? While it was incredibly sad to know a lot of the people in that area pray to these false gods, it was also incredibly comforting to know that our God is all-powerful, he doesn’t NEED us to do anything. He doesn’t NEED us for anything. But he wants us and he loves us anyway.

This was the night of the typhoon, so while we were praying at the temple the winds and storms were blowing like crazy. It was definitely a powerful experience to be praying that God would knock down the high places of these false gods during a huge storm like that.

 After that we went to a Shinto shrine to pray, as well. It was still storming and while we were praying that God would show these people that praying to their ancestors was empty and pointless, the light that was shining on the shrine went out. We continued to pray and as we left we started singing Here I Am to Worship. As we sang “light of the world you stepped out into darkness” the light came back on. I’m certainly not saying this was a sign from God or anything like that. Lights do tend to go off during typhoons quite regularly. But it was a pretty cool reminder that God is still in control, even in places like Japan that don’t know Him at all.

WEDNESDAY: We spent Wednesday morning helping an English school move to a new building. The school was run by 2 young missionaries that use the English school as part of their ministry. I learned how to use a drill and take shelving apart, which was pretty exciting! (UNICORN) That afternoon we went to downtown Karuizawa. Apparently, the town of Karuizawa was founded by a missionary in the 1800s and is home to the oldest wooden church building in Japan. We also got to see the tennis courts where the current Emperor of Japan met his wife and where they return every year to play a game of tennis. Very fun.

Karuizawa was really one of the coolest little places I’ve ever been! The streets were all brick and lined with the cutest specialty shops. One of which was a French bakery that John Lennon and Yoko Ono used to frequent (Yoko Ono was from Karuizawa).  The streets and buildings perfectly framed the awesome, smoking volcano too, which was pretty cool. Since the entire town of Karuizawa is in the mountains there’s a lot of forest around, so a lot of the restaurants were nestled back into the woods. They all had outdoor seating with Christmas lights all around, so it looked like you were just eating in the woods. It was really pretty cool. (TACOS) Also, Bill Gates is building a house there---so you know it must be a great place!

THURSDAY: Thursday we traveled to Niigata to visit another one of Team Expansion’s missionary families. They took us to a really neat conservatory with all sorts of Japanese gardens and flowers. There was one sort of flower that looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss book, it was just a straight green stem with a ball of purple on top. Very weird! The conservatory overlooked most of Niigata so we spent the afternoon praying for the city and the work the missionaries were planning to start there.

FRIDAY: We spent lots of hours on trains again Friday, but ended up in Tokyo by the afternoon so it was worth the train rides! We got to spend the whole day in Tokyo, just sort of exploring and shopping and seeing the city. We took by far the craziest train ride ever through Tokyo! It was more packed than I could’ve ever imagined. I honestly thought for a second I was about to get crushed to death! (DINOSAURS) It was already packed when we got on the train, so we were uncomfortable to begin with. We thought for sure no one else could fit…but we were clearly wrong. After we got on (and thought it was full) at least 10 more people shoved on. Probably more, but at that point I couldn’t see anything past the person in front of me, and there was no room to turn around, so I have no idea how many people actually got on.  We were packed in there so tightly we couldn’t even hold on to anything, but it was ok because we were so squished we couldn’t have fallen down anyway!

SATURDAY: We headed to the airport Saturday morning and spent about the next 30 hours traveling…which was crazy because our flight left Tokyo at 6 pm and we got to Chicago at 4 pm, so technically it was a -2 hour flight! We had a short flight from Chicago to Louisville and we finally got into Louisville around 9 pm!

So I think that’s a pretty detailed trip summary! I won’t add anything else on here at the end because if you’ve actually read through this entire thing you deserve to go take a nap. And a medal. But you won’t get one, so just go take a nap and know that it’s your reward for reading like a champ!

The Story of How My Life is Awesome....Finally!

For those of you who have kept up with my blog I have some great news for you! YOU WIN A PRIZE! Just kidding. Well sort of. Your prize is that you get to continue reading my blog…. Or Marshall will lick you in the face. Those are your prize options. What I was actually going to say before I started typing haphazardly was that for those of you who have kept up with my blog, I know they’re usually slightly depressing. It’s been a rough couple of years. However! You’re in for a pleasant surprise. This one is not depressing. In fact, one might even say it is (gasp) happy. So hold on to your seats because Kelsey’s in a great mood (this could partly be due to the fact that I have a bag of delicious snacks next to me but we’ll say it’s only partially because of that).

So as you know, for approximately 43 days now I’ve lived in Louisville and have been officially working at Team Expansion. And I’m not gonna lie, it’s been pretty awesome. Let’s start from the beginning. Day 1: I moved in. Morning of Day 2: Marshall jumped in bed with my roommate at 7 am while she was still asleep. She did not get mad. She laughed. Awesome roommate. Evening of Day 2: My niece and nephew were born. Awesome day. Day 7: Went to the Post (Southeast’s Sunday night service) and afterwards met an awesome group of people who invited me to join their small group. Friends by Day 7!? Winning at adulthood already! At some point between Days 8 and 12 I cooked for myself (like a champ)—I made chicken bruschetta and some delicious bread. Well, I didn’t make the bread, but I didn’t put it in the oven and that counts! Days 13-20 were spent working from Chicago and spending time with my fantastically adorable niece and nephew (because I have the best boss ever and he let me work from home for a whole week before I’d even been here a month!).

I’m not going to lie to you—the rest of the days are kind of a blur and I can’t remember what really happened. I could make up day numbers and activities but I’m sure you’d all see right through me when I started saying things like “Day 58: Rode a narwhal to the Megashark vs. Dinocroc fight and stopped for Taco Bell with Margaret Thatcher after.” But the point isà so far, life is awesome. Let’s start with why my job is awesome.

My job is awesome. Not only because I have the most awesome boss in the world (which is true, he’s pretty fantastic and lets me go see my babies when I need to) but because I really do love what I do. I love what Team Expansion does. This is not in any way meant to belittle anyone else’s job—but I really do feel like I’m part of an organization that is doing THE most important thing in the world—reaching the unreached with the Gospel. I honestly can’t think of anything else in my life that would be more important than that. Jesus straight up said “Go and make disciples of all nations…” That wasn’t a suggestion, that’s what he told us to do. That was his final thought before he left earth. And I don’t think it was one of those “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this before, so do it if you want, no big deal” kind of final thoughts. I’m pretty sure he planned this one out ahead of time. (Just to clarify one more time—I’m not saying anyone else’s job isn’t important or that people can’t do mission work in their other chosen career fields. I absolutely think they do. I know they do. People can be involved in mission work and spreading the gospel in millions of ways. So I’m not trying to say you’re not as good as me because your job doesn’t involve working for a missions organization. I’m actually fairly certain that you’re better than me in multiple ways. Unless my Dad is reading this in which case Dad, I am better than you always and don’t forget it.) My point in all this is—I’m incredibly lucky to only be 24 and be totally and completely happy with my job. There’s nothing (so far—I’ve only been here a month you know) about my job that makes me dread coming into work or makes me wish I could do something else or leaves me feeling unfulfilled. Fulfilled. That’s the word I’m looking for. Finally, after years of working toward this point, I feel very fulfilled. I love what I do. I know what I’m doing, even when I’m making spreadsheets or e-mailing people I don’t know about events I don’t completely understand, is directly affecting the souls of people that don’t know Jesus (in a good way, just to be clear). That’s a pretty cool feeling. What else could you possibly ask for in a job?!

Other reasons my life is awesome--- I’ve met some really amazing people since I’ve moved to Louisville. There are awesome people I work with for sure. But even outside of work I’ve met some incredible people that have been ridiculously nice and welcoming to me considering they don’t know me at all. Within the first week I was here I met a great group of people and I’ve been in their small group ever since (which has led me to meet more incredible people).  The first night I met them they got my phone number and started inviting me to do things with them. Who does that!? Really nice people, that’s who. It was pretty cool. I met another great group of people through a person I’d never actually met. I had a friend who had a friend that lived here so we got in touch and she invited me to her small group too even though I’d never met her and as far as she knew, I was completely insane. I went to that small group also and those people were ridiculously nice and welcoming too! I don’t know if it’s Louisville or if this is what “southern hospitality” feels like or if I just happened upon some really wonderful groups of people…but either way, God has put some pretty great people in my life down here so far.

More reasons my life is awesome—Marshall and his new puppy roommate (my roommate’s dog) get along super well. They run around and play and Marshall gets all his energy out before bedtime, which is great. Plus, he’s always happy even when I’m at work all day because he has a puppy buddy. So that makes me feel much better about leaving him while I go to work. I’m not going to say I haven’t thought about bringing him to work with me…but I haven’t been able to come up with a conceivable way to sneak him in so if anyone has any ideas please share. I’ve considered dressing him up like a baby and telling everyone he’s my nephew but that hasn’t panned out so well yet. I’ve also considered getting him a Seeing Eye Dog vest and pretending I’ve been temporarily blinded. So that’s an option too.  

Let’s see, what else is awesome… Louisville is awesome. So far, it’s been a very fun city to explore.  I know there’s still tons I haven’t seen but from what I understand there’s all sorts of exciting things to do in the summer: Shakespeare in the Park (free!), random festivals and fairs (free!), lots of pretty parks and things to wander around (also free!), tons of great restaurants (not free but worth it!). I hear there’s a pretty fantastic local music scene too which I have not checked out yet but am super excited to find out about. So basically, Louisville’s a wonderful city so far.

So to sum up…my life is pretty great right now. It was a rough couple of years with all the fundraising and waiting and having little to no social interaction with people other than my parents for about a year….but it was absolutely worth the wait! I’m so so happy to finally be down here and to finally have a life.  I may not be completely winning at adulthood yet (I may or may not eat frozen dinners and Taco Bell 73% of the time) but so far I’ve paid all my bills on time and I haven’t died from malnutrition yet so I’ll count that as a win! High five for being awesome at adulthood!  

The Story of How I Am Already a Terrible Missionary and Why It's Ok

So. This is sort of it. I have officially raised all my support to work at Team Expansion in Louisville!! I can't even begin to describe how crazy it is that this is actually happening. This whole thing has been in the process of happening since August of 2010. I've been raising support since January 2011. This is the goal I've been working toward for almost a year and a half now. I've never committed to anything for that long in my life (except for my love of The Office and Taco Bell but those are really different situations...) And now here it is. Right in front of me. About to happen. I have lots of mixed feelings about this that I'm about to share with you. Don't worry, I'll start with the bad so I can end with the good and hopefully you'll leave feeling smiley (rather than unsmiley. No one wants to be unsmiley.)

As excited as I am about this whole "having a real adult life" thing I am also the same amount of horrified and bone-chllingly scared. I've never had a life before. I've never been an adult before (I'm not sure I will become an adult even once I move but I'm sure I'll be closer than I am now...living at home, letting my Mom do all my laundry, staying up til 3 am and sleeping in until 11...) and it's terrifying to think I have to become one now. I was on CCU's campus the other day and I realized that whole phase of my life is over. I had such an amazing college experience but it's done. That can't be my life anymore. And that made me sad. Because my only options are grow up or end up on Dr. Phil as one of those 30 year old moochers that still live off their parents and refuse to have real jobs. But there's nothing fun about being an adult...and everyone knows I only like to do things that are fun. Being an adult seems lame. It's all bills and stress and waking up to the miserable sound of an alarm clock every morning. Eugh. I don't think I hate anything more in the entire world than waking up in the morning.

In addition to being a grown up and paying bills and waking up at a reasonable hour, I'm going to have a job. A real 9-5 every day sort of job (Did you know jobs happen every day? Not ideal for my lifestyle, really). Now don't get me wrong, I'm super excited about this particular job. I don't think I could make myself get out of bed every morning for a job I don't absolutely love and I'm already convinced I will absolutely love this job I have waiting for me. However, having a real job means (once again) waking up in the mornings. Taking regular showers. Wearing real clothes (I'll only have to do this until the Pajama Jean company comes up with a classy pajama work pant design). Planning my meals more than 3 minutes ahead of time. Having social interactions on a daily basis with people that aren't my parents. Going to bed before the infomercials come on at 1 am. And most terrifyingly, no more $5 matinee movies where I'm the only one in the theater. I do love that. I think I will miss that most of all....that or not wearing real pants (I really hate pants).

On top of all that, I'm moving to a new city. I've never really moved to a new city before. I kind of moved to Columbus for 3 months but I don't feel like that really counts. This is so much more...permanent. This isn't an internship, it isn't a summer job or a trial run. This is the real deal. A real job, in a new city, 2 hours away from home. I've never lived more than 30 minutes away from home before. I realize that's slightly ridiculous considering I'm 24 years old but I haven't and it makes me sad so deal with it. I like my house. I like my parents (even though my Dad is worse than Toby and my Mom only does my laundry like, once a week. Really Mom, could you be any more of a slacker?). I like living in a city that I know how to get around. I like Cincinnati. And now I'm leaving....and it's not like going to college leaving or going to Africa for the summer leaving. It's forever leaving. When I move out of my parents' house this time it's for good, there's no coming back for summer vacation and Christmas break. I'm for real moving out (well, unless I lose my job or something and am forced to move back in with my parents but that would really just be sad and not quite the celebratory homecoming of a summer break). Once I move that's it. My room at home won't really be my room anymore (despite my attempts to have the Historical Society preserve it as a national historical landmark). The permanence of this is really a terrifying thought to me. I hate things that are permanent (hence why I've never colored my hair or or signed up for a gym. You really can't quit the gym once they get you.) I like things that are flexible, undo-able. I like having options and escape plans and back up plans for my escape plans and alternate routes to get to my back up plans. I hate permanence. But I guess that is part of being a grown up...committing to things and permanence and forevers. Blech.

As terrified as I am by all of that...I really am also very excited. I'm excited to explore a new city, meet new people, have friends that live within 30 minutes of me, spend weekends doing something other than embroidering and watching Hoarders. I'm also super excited to start working at Team Expansion. Everything I know about Team Expansion and the people that work there is just amazing. Plus, I am genuinely thrilled to be doing the job I have there. I won't go into all the details again of what I'm doing (I assume most of you know and if not then...make up something really cool and pretend I'm doing that. Something like super secret spy or Taco Bell food taster). When I was in school I never really knew what I wanted to do or what kind of job I wanted to have. I had an idea of general things I wanted to do (like not have to wear a visor or hair net to work) but I didn't have a specific idea of what it was I was working toward...but I think that's just because I hadn't heard of Team Expansion yet. I know it sounds cheesy but at this point, there is no doubt in my mind that this job is exactly what God had in store for me all along.

Most of you know about the awesome way I came upon this job...it was really nothing short of God throwing it in my lap and saying "DO THIS NOW!" (I like to think of God yelling at me the way Baby Pearl would in The Landlord) But ever since then, time after time, God has shown me this is exactly what I should be doing. And for many of you who know me, it takes a lot for me to say God wanted me to do something. I tend to be very wary of throwing around phrases like that (with the exception of saying God wants me to eat donuts 3 mornings a week. He and I have a very clear understanding there) but in this case it was pretty undeniable.

Now that I'm fully funded I feel like I can say this without fear of much repercussion...I am horrible at fundraising. I mean absolutely awful at it. I didn't follow half of the rules I was supposed to***, I chickened out of more phone calls than I made, and when I actually did get up the courage to meet with people they were the ones that usually ended up having to ask about my ministry and what I was doing because I couldn't find the right way or time to bring it up myself. It was really just embarrassingly bad. I can speak in front of big groups and churches and stuff, but when it comes to one on one meetings I get weirdly socially awkward and I do a lot of that nervous laughter thing and I make a lot of bad jokes and I ramble about lawn gnomes and how the consistency of cottage cheese freaks me out and how many times I ate cookie dough that week. But despite how much it seems like I was trying to sabotage my own efforts, the money still came in. People still got excited about this ministry. I would get random e-mails or letters or checks in the mail from people I barely knew or hadn't even talked to saying they wanted to support me. Months after I mentioned what I was doing in a casual conversation someone would say they wanted to be a part of this with me. Friends from school who barely had enough money for rent just freely volunteered to support me without me ever even thinking of asking them. It really was nothing short of an absolute miracle. During some of the rough times when I was crazy far away from my goal and felt like I was running out of contacts I'd have people say "So what happens if you don't reach your goal? What's your Plan B?" And that always caught me off guard because I didn't have a Plan B (which is exceptionally odd for me. I have Plan B's for everything. I have a Plan A, B, and C for what happens if I run out of Mt. Dew before I'm finished typing this). But I didn't have a back up. I didn't have a "what if." I just knew I was going to work at Team Expansion. This is exactly what I've wanted to do for a long time now and it seemed odd to me to plan for disappointment. I just knew this was where God wanted me (that's not to say I didn't have moments/weeks of utter terror wondering what would happen if I never was fully funded...but I also have moments/weeks of utter terror about what I'll do if I contract a flesh eating bacteria or if the zombie apocalypse really happens but I never really plan for the possibility of those things either).

I'm not saying all of this to make you think I am some sort of awesome missionary who is so tight with God that I don't worry about anything or that I'm so great that people just throw money at me as I walk by (although that would be super awesome and I wouldn't complain.) I'm telling you all this so you can see how AMAZING God is despite me. I did nothing to make any of this happen for myself. If anything I hindered the whole process a good bit. If I hadn't sucked at this so much I probably could have started working at Team Expansion a year ago. But God still prevailed. He provided, He reassured, He gave me confidence in what I'm doing. He gave me an amazing team of prayer partners who have been utterly fantastic and faithful. And THAT is why I'm so excited to move to Louisville and start at Team Expansion. Because God showed me, time and time again, despite everything I did to prove Him wrong, that this is where He wants me. This is where I'll be useful. This is where I can best serve Him. This is where my life will matter.




**Disclaimer-- Just to be clear, Team Expansion's fundraising tips and coaches are awesome and super helpful and things probably would've gone WAY better for me if I had actually done what they said all the time. However, I am a chicken and I am lazy and I ended up doing it my own (much less practical) way. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was advocating not doing what the experts tell you to do. The experts are experts because they are awesome at what they are doing. I am not an expert because I was awful at what they are doing.

Happy Thoughts

So I feel like I normally sound kind of depressing on my blog posts...it's usually about how my life is horrible or I realized I was a terrible person or found a way to be less of a terrible person.  But fear not! Today I am super happy and instead of gloom, I will be sprinkling a wee bit of sunshine on your day.

As you all know I'm raising money to work at Team Expansion right now and it's been a bit of a process. In January it'll be a whole year since I first started fundraising. At first I thought I'd be down in Louisville by the summer (as in last summer) and then when that didn't work my goal became fall, which also didn't work. So needless to say, the reality of my working with Team Expansion has always seemed far off. I never had any intention of giving up, it just seems like it's something that's so far out of reach that it's almost not real. However--I am happy to say I'm getting SUPER close to my goal and will (hopefully!) by in Louisville by Spring of 2012!!

God has really been doing amazing things lately, especially when it comes to my support raising. I've been around $1,000 away from my goal for about a month or so and I'm really running low on contacts. I've talked to most everyone I know already so I was, to be honest, starting to get a little worried that I'd have to come up with a Plan B, like working part time at Team Expansion and getting a part time job somewhere else to help pay the bills. I was getting fairly stressed out about it and I have obviously been praying about it a lot and then just the other day God totally blindsided me with an amazing miracle that cut the rest of the support I need to raise in HALF! How awesome is that!? God has continued to amaze me throughout this whole process and it continues to blow my mind each time!

This means I am now less than $500/month away from living in Louisville. I can't even begin to express how amazing this feels. It's been a crazy long road, and I know I'm not there yet and there's still a lot to do before I can move down there, but it's getting so close that it's becoming real. I'm starting to really believe this is going to happen. I'm starting to look into apartments and furniture and locating Taco Bells in the greater Louisville area.  It's been such a long time in the making and I feel like I'm really going to move, which is super crazy. But also crazy exciting! I'm getting ready to start a life. A real life. So far every stage of my life has been sort of an in-between stage. In high school I was always waiting to get to college. In college I was always waiting to graduate and get a real job. And for the past year and a half I've been waiting to move out of my parents house and start a life of my own. But once I get to Louisville, there won't be any more waiting. It'll be the real thing. I'll be living in an awesome city near amazing people doing the job I've always dreamed of doing. My life is going to be freaking amazing. And I can barely wait.

Anyways, I was just really excited about everything that's happening right now and how close I am to my goal so I just wanted to share that with everyone :)

PS...I'll be trying out some new names for my blog. Obviously Adventures in Africa wasn't quite cutting it anymore. If anyone has suggestions I'd be happy to hear them. I'm terrible at this.