Disclaimer: This ended up being a lot longer than I was planning. BUT if you read all the way through there's a super cool story at the end!!!! Is that enough incentive? Probably not. A cookie? Do you want a cookie? We could talk about cookies...
So this week I'm traveling through Ohio and Pennsylvania visiting supporters and speaking at churches. It's been an awesome week so far, complete with various activities that involved visiting the house I was born in (well, I wasn't born there, my parents weren't hippies and we all very much enjoy actual medical facilities. But I came home to there and lived there for the next 3 years, so whatever you'd call that), getting licked and subsequently attacked by a baby cheetah, and seeing God do some awesome stuff through some amazing people. I'll skip the first 2 things and tell you about the last one.
For those of you who don't know, I was born in Alliance OH (in a hospital, just so we're all clear) where my Dad was the minister at Cornerstone Christian Church. We moved when I was 3, but I have some really amazing memories of that church and the fantastic people we knew there. Even though I didn't spend much time there, it still feels like coming home and seeing family whenever I go back to visit, which I got to do this weekend. They invited me up to speak to their church about my work with Team Expansion and my future in North Africa with Jordan. On my trip up I was talking to Jordan on the phone and he was telling me about a really amazing sermon he'd heard recently about expectant faith; not just praying for things, but truly believing God will provide the things you're asking for, not just knowing God can do something, but knowing He WILL.
This is something I have a hard time with. I'm an anxious pessimist by nature (a couple months ago I noticed a freckle in my eye and spent the next hour wholeheartedly believing I had eye cancer. I was certain I was dying. I'm pretty sure I even planned out my own funeral. Spoiler alert: I don't have eye cancer), so it's hard for me to not prepare for the worst. When I ask God for things I do so with the full knowledge that He can make it happen, but I always prepare myself for the disappointment that He won't. I'm always preparing myself for the next disappointment, the next bad thing, the next let down, not because I think people will always let me down, most of the time they don't, but because I hate the feeling of hoping for something or expecting something and being disappointed when it doesn't turn out the way I want it to.
Disappointment is one (of many) emotions I haven't figured out how to handle like a grown up. In fact, I'm pretty sure I still handle disappointment like a 3 year old. I tend to do a lot of whining and pouting and self-pitying when I'm expecting something or looking forward to something that doesn't happen. One time I was in a hurry and on my way somewhere (I'm sure it was somewhere important, as I am an incredibly important person, but unfortunately I can't remember where exactly it was. But I'm sure it was important) and had gotten a much needed large Diet Coke from McDonald's, which is one of my favorite things in the world. I was embarrassingly excited about my giant Diet Coke. As I was getting out of my car I put the drink on top of the roof for a second while I grabbed the rest of my stuff. It immediately slid off and exploded on the concrete. It was too late to go get another one, I was going to have to finish my day Coke-less. I'm pretty sure I yelled in anger and despair. I may have also cried. It definitely ruined the rest of my day (which I'm assuming was already going terribly because otherwise I probably wouldn't have cried about a Diet Coke. Maybe I would've. I really love Diet Coke). My point is that I don't handle disappointments well and unfortunately, that bleeds into almost every area of my life, including how I see God.
It's not that I think God doesn't hear my prayers or that He isn't answering them, I'm just always afraid the answer will be no. I know He can do all things, but I'm afraid He won't do the things I ask, so I prepare myself for the possibility that things won't work out in the way I'm asking. But that's not what God tells us to do. In Mark 11:22-24 it says "Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Well that pretty much speaks for itself, doesn't it...
So that leads me to the super cool story I promised you. As I was saying, I was talking to Jordan about expectant faith and how important that is in the line of work we're going into. So after we hung up I was thinking about it and realizing how terrible I am at expecting God to show up when I ask Him to so I thought to myself "Ok, this is what I should do, this is what I'll do. God, please let me raise $1,000 from the church I'm about to visit to cover the cost of a training course I have to take next year." As soon as I finished my prayer I kind of laughed to myself at that thought. I wasn't even going to speak at this church with the expectation of raising any money at all, it was just a visit to update them about my ministry. And on top of that, Cornerstone is a small church in a fairly rural part of Ohio. It's by no means a megachurch; in fact, I'm pretty sure there were less than 50 people there on the day I spoke. I promptly forgot about my $1,000 prayer and finished up my trip, arrived in Alliance, and had an amazing time visiting with people I hadn't seen in years, hearing stories about myself as a 2 year old, and seeing pictures of my family from 1990 (such awesome pictures, such bad hair).
I spoke to the Sunday School class and again during the worship service and filled them all in on my life, my ministry, my future in Africa, and assured them Jordan was, in fact, good enough for me :) Then we finished up with a pot luck lunch and some more stories about how awesome I was as a tiny child (what can I say, some things you're just born with). During the lunch they announced that they'd collected over $700 for my ministry in a love offering. I was absolutely floored. I didn't expect anything, let alone $700! I felt so encouraged and so loved. It was awesome.
***Story in a story: The week before I came to visit the little kids made banks during junior church and they had them spend the week raising money for me. A lot of them did chores for their parents to collect money. One of the little boys' chores was to pick up the chicken eggs, move the dog bed, and not chase their rooster. That was my favorite :) The kids ended up raising over $40 for my work in North Africa! About 5 kids raised $40! How awesome is that?! I was so humbled to think these little kids spent an entire week working and raising money just for me and the work I'll be doing! It was seriously amazing. One of my favorite moments ever. Ok end of story in a story***
As I was leaving they handed me a check for the amount they'd raised. I didn't think to even look at it, I was still so amazed they'd raised $700! I just stuck it in my wallet and thanked everyone. As I was leaving one of the elders handed me some cash, saying they also wanted to cover my expenses for traveling all the way up there. I told them they didn't have to do that, but they were insistent so I took it (again without looking) and thanked them again (seriously, they're the nicest people ever). I got in my car and started to drive back, still amazed that one of the smallest churches I'd spoken at raised $700 for me!
I stopped less than an hour later to get some gas. As I opened my wallet to pay I saw the check they'd handed me. I finally took a second to look at it and my mouth dropped. It was for $900! I was so sure they had said $700 when they announced it earlier. I was even more amazed than before. This one church of 50 people raised $900 for my work. So awesome. Then I remembered the prayer I'd prayed the day before. I thought to myself, "Wow God, this isn't quite $1000 but it's still WAY more than I thought I'd get so thank you! You really do provide." I started driving again and thinking about how cool God was when I remembered the cash they'd given me before I left. I hadn't counted that either so I immediately pulled over and counted it out. Exactly $100.
Mind blown.
God had answered me in a big way. I'd asked for $1000 and that is EXACTLY what He gave me. I really don't know what else to say besides my mind was seriously blown. I spent the next 2 hours driving and smiling and thinking to myself, "Man, God is so cool. So cool."
I wouldn't normally talk about finances or how much money someone gave me or anything like that, but this was too amazing not to share. God worked in an amazing way through Cornerstone Christian Church this weekend. He used Cornerstone not only to provide the money I needed for an expensive training course I have to take next year, but to show me how important expectant faith is, how important expectant prayer is, and how He truly does want to give us good things, we just have to trust that His word is true. He wants to show up, He wants to work things out, He wants to blow our minds, we just have to give Him the chance. Just trust Him, that's all we have to do. Should be easy enough, right? ;)
Oh right cookies. There was talk of cookies. Well umm, sure, let me just...oh no... I'm going... through a tunnel...can't hear you...
