BigDent.org

As most of you know, I spent my entire summer working on CMF's microenterprising program in Nairobi. We met tons of people, mostly single mothers, who were trying to start their own businesses to support their families. We worked on getting their stories and turning them into short profiles so CMF could create a sponsorship website for people in the States to financially support these small businesses. It's really a great program. You donate a little money, they pay you back as they pay back their loan, and you can take that money and then re-invest it in someone else who needs it. It's really an awesome program and I encourage you all to look into it! We met amazing people and heard some amazing stories and it was a really great overall experience. But I've already talked about that more than enough and I don't think anyone really cares to hear me repeat myself so many times over.

HOWEVER. There has recently been a new development in my summer project! CMF made a video about their microfinancing program to advertise for their sponsorship website launch and here it is!!!

http://vimeo.com/16473030

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it was to see this video after all the work we put into this project over the summer. It was seriously overwhelming to see these people again. I recognized the kids playing in the streets and the women in the groups. I met these people and talked to them and now, because enough people worked together on this, they're going to have the opportunity to make their businesses grow beyond what they could've ever imagined. They could break the cycle of poverty in their lives and their families lives. These loans could literally change their children's entire futures. It's SO AMAZING to see this and know that I had a part in it (even if it was a tiny part). Seeing this video gave me a real sense of purpose, you know? Like I actually did something important, something that was bigger than myself. It's a pretty cool feeling, to be honest :)

So anyways, I just wanted to share this and let everyone see a glimpse of what I did all summer! And if you are so inclined, feel free to visit BigDent.org! The new site isn't launched just yet, but you can put your e-mail address in and they'll let you know when it's up and running! So watch the video, look at the website, and enjoy :)

KK vs. CK

They really encouraged us to write down our experiences so we didn't forget anything that happened in Kenya, so I kept a journal the entire time I was there. It actually proved to be a wonderful habit to start, so I kept it up afterwards. While I was in Kenya I filled page after page after page with thoughts, feelings, experiences, observations, conclusions, and a lot of complaints about the food. I realized lately, though, that even when I do write in my journal (which is not nearly as often as I should) it seems super lame. Very lacking in substance and real effort. Not nearly as cool as my Kenya journal was, although I guess that's to be expected. But still. It makes me sad to realize I have so much less substance in my life now (which I'm sure you've noticed if you've been reading my blogs through Kenya up til now..I'd like to personally apologize for the fact that nothing exciting happens to me any longer and that I write about nothing of any real value).

 

I wanted to see what I was writing about before and why I can't write as much now so I started reading my Kenya journal last week. I got about halfway through it and had to stop out of sheer terror. Why? Because my worst fears have been officially realized. I am a terrible person (which I always suspected, but I now have written proof of, which is much scarier).

 

I learned a lot in Kenya. I learned what it means to be a servant, what it means to be poor, to be needy, to be constantly uncomfortable but content all at the same time. I learned how to really, honestly talk to God and how to listen to Him in return. I learned how to have consistent quiet time and reflection and to think about things other and bigger than myself. I learned about hope and joy and how the Spirit actually moves in our lives if we let him. I learned SO much and I applied it to my life. I was a different person in Kenya. And thankfully or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), I wrote that all down. I have written evidence of the fact that I changed. For the first time in my life I really let God work in me and through me.

 

And here comes the terrifying part. I wrote down (a painful amount of times) my biggest fear in the entire world while I was in Kenya...and it wasn't that I'd get mugged or hurt or diseased or anything...it was that I'd forget that part of myself when I went home. That I would revert back to that dreadful person I was before I had this amazing experience and just lose everything I learned, everything I suffered for and worked for, everything that had made me laugh and cry and made me scared or joyful. I was honestly terrified that all of those experiences would be gone, that I'd chalk it up to a great time I had that one summer but that would be it. That was my worst fear.

 

And it came true. I became my own worst nightmare....like if Kyla turned into a giant spider or Katy Havran woke up as a televangelist...

 

I realized after reading my Kenya journal that I am once again that awful person that I hated so much before, that focuses on herself and her own comforts and desires about everyone else's. Whose day is ruined by one thing going wrong. Who only talks to God for 5 minutes as she falls asleep each day. Who isn't happy or joyful or even all that nice all the time. Who is (apparently) super self-deprecating and still pretty selfish because this entire blog is about how I suck (as were some previous ones, I know...it seems to be a popular topic with myself). 

 

It's a terrible realization when you see that you've become the worst version of yourself. And what's awful is that now I know I can do better. Before I went to Kenya I could excuse it, saying that's just how I am, that's the best I'll be, that whole "being nice to people" bit isn't for me (I'd like to clarify here that I am not, in fact, mean to people per se, I'm just not as loving as I know I should be-- as I can be-- especially when I'm watching The Office. Don't even try to talk to me then). But now I know better. I've been better. I've had that super tight relationship with God where I felt like we were on the same page with stuff, where I felt like He was showing Himself to me, where I felt like I was actually doing something meaningful with my life, even if it just meant serving someone on a small scale.

 

And it is a super disappointing feeling when you realize you've let yourself down, you've let God down, you've let down all those people who were hoping Kenya would make a difference in your life.

 

Well then, folks, here it begins. The epic battle between Kenyan Kelsey and Columbus Kelsey. Kenyan Kelsey was joyful, focused, service oriented. Columbus Kelsey is unhappy, lonely, cynical, and excruciatingly selfish. 

Who will win the battle of wills as KK and CK fight to the death!?

 

I hope for the sake of everyone around me it's Kenyan Kelsey :)

Butterfly in the Sky....

So over the summer and during the past few months I’ve stumbled upon a few things that really had an affect on me. I just wanted to share these with everyone so hopefully you someone can get something out of it too! Or at least maybe you’ll be entertained for an hour or so if/when you read/listen to these.


Princess by Jean Sasson

So this is one of the best books I’ve ever read. Seriously. And I’ve read a lot of books. One of the girls on my team in Kenya was reading it so we passed it around a good bit. I think half the girls on our team read it, actually…and maybe some of the guys. When it was my turn I read it within 24 hours. I literally stayed up til 3 am just to finish it.

And it’s not some lame romance novel about princesses and dragons and knights so don’t worry (and if you think I would ever actually read that ridiculousness I am horrendously offended...although dragons are kind of cool). It’s a true story about a Saudi Arabian princess and her life in the prison-like environment of the Saudi royal family. The whole book is just about how women are looked at and treated in strict Muslim cultures and it’s seriously disturbing. She talks about women she knew that were raped and then executed because of it and women who tried to escape their “homes,” (which are more like jails) and as punishment were confined in a dark room, alone, for the rest of their entire lives. It’s just so crazy, I knew women were looked at differently in Muslim cultures but I never realized how terrible it was, even for the royal family! I mean this woman is a princess and she can’t leave her home without a man or a note from her father or husband.

I know it sounds depressing and awful and not something you want to spend your free time reading about, but I honestly believe it’s something everyone in America needs to know. Especially women. When I was reading this in Africa I just kept thinking that even the women who live in filth in the slums have it better than these incredibly wealthy women in Saudi Arabia. It will make you so thankful that you live in the States.
I feel like LeVar Burton. Now that our Reading Rainbow moment is done…

Tony Campolo—The Last Great Idea

This is a sermon we listened to at debrief after Africa and it really summed up everything I felt about American culture and what I had learned in Kenya but couldn’t quite verbalize. I’ll just let you listen to it and enjoy! It’s really, really good...and that's all I'll say.

http://podcast.christianaudio.com/?p=32

Thanks, hackers

So I recently took a walk down memory lane thanks to some hackers who messed with my hotmail account. Doesn't make sense does it? Hold on, it will! Quit whining :) Anyways, I got some weird e-mail virus on my super old hotmail account last week so I had to go through and make sure it was all gone, and while I was doing that I found a ton of old e-mails, some from my freshman year of high school all the way up to sophomore year of college. And even a few that were pretty recent. They were random e-mails that I kept because they meant something to me at the time, and they were all from random people, friends, cousins, ex-boyfriends, etc. But going through these was one of the most amazing things I've done in awhile. I got to glimpse pieces of my life from high school through college, what I was thinking, feeling, who I was close to, who felt close to me, what I was up to or upset about or excited for. It's crazy because I'd say those are probably some of the most important years of your life when it comes to forming who and what you are and will become. And it's so great to be able to look back and see who had an impact on me, who changed me, whose ideas and philosophies I appreciated then and understand completely differently now. It's just great.

 

And it's exactly what I needed today. It was another slightly depressing day where I felt like my entire life was behind me because college was over (which means fun is over) and the only possible future I could imagine included me living a life of uselessness and misery and ended with me dying alone and unsatisfied with what I'd done with myself (Yes, I realize that sounds overly dramatic and despondent and yes I'm over it now, don't worry).

 

But I came across these e-mails and it made me realize that I've lived a great life, even if I didn't always appreciate it at the time. I've had amazing people in my life molding me and shaping me, whether they knew it or not, into what I am now and what I will one day become. It's cool to see little bits of other people in my own characteristics and personality, little bits that are there to remind me of some great people who have really impacted my life. And it made me realize that I've had great relationships with people and I've made some great memories and it doesn't have to stop just because I graduated. I mean I realize no one else really thinks that, but sometimes it kind of feels like that for me now.

Anyways, I didn't want to end up sounding super sad and depressed and miserable, which is how I think this kind of turned out...so sorry. Just read it out loud in a squirrel voice and it'll sound a lot happier. Or giggle at the end of  each sentence or something. My point is, it's awesome to be able to look back and see who I was compared to who I am now (I'm much less awkward now, believe it or not. I know, hard to believe). And hopefully in another 5 or 8 years I'll get to look back at these blog posts and be embarrassed that I ever thought these silly things. Hopefully I will know much more by then and I'll look back and think I am really ridiculous and slightly stupid right now. And hopefully I'll be able to look back and see how God took everything that I thought was bad and wrong in my life and pieced it together like a jigsaw puzzle (a super tricky jigsaw puzzle because God is way too smart for those 1000 piecers) to make something amazing and wonderful and totally worth all the ridiculousness and frustrations and "Why the heck did I do that's." That would be great.

I'm The Next Edward

People are important. We all know that we take a lot for granted, but I never realized how much I took people for granted until I didn’t have any. I’ve lived in Columbus for about 2 weeks now…and it’s been a good time don’t get me wrong, I like the apartment (I have my own bathroom!) and I like my job and the people I work with….but I know no one here. Literally, I know the names of 10 people in Columbus and only have the phone numbers of 3 of them. I’ve never moved cities before, my entire life is in Cincinnati. It’s weird leaving that behind and ending up in a city where I literally have no life outside of my apartment and work.

*I would like to take a moment right here to say that the people I DO know here are awesome and have done an amazing job of hanging out with me and making sure I don't feel lonely and taking me on their dates when I'm sure they didn't want to :) And I appreciate that oh so much!! That being said, they aren't always around, we all have very different work schedules so I don't get to see them both all the time. Plus they're kind of engaged so I'm sure they don't want me hanging around all that much*

My point is, I never realized how important people are in your life. Jobs, cars, money…it all means nothing if you don’t have people to share it with.  I know that seems obvious and everyone should know that…but apparently I didn’t haha Last week the 2 people I knew were out of town and working so I went exploring a part of Columbus that I heard had a lot of cool, eclectic stores and restaurants. It kind of reminded me of Clifton. Anyways, I went down there by myself to just sort of see what it was like--I’d also like to mention that I don’t normally mind going places by myself, I actually do it a lot when I don’t even have to. But it’s different when it’s not a choice, when it’s forced on you haha

So I was wandering around and I started to notice there were tons of groups of people waking and shopping and eating together...and for the first time in my life I got jealous of the people that had friends. It seems silly, I mean I have friends (or so I tell myself) but I was seriously jealous that these people had other people to just be with them. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until then.  There’s no one for me to call to go to dinner with me or go to Target with me or to come over to watch my new Office Season 6 dvds. It’s weird to go from college, where there were people around all the time, to Africa, where there were people around all the time, to Columbus where there’s people around all the time, but I don’t know any of them…

I struggled with this a good bit over the last couple of days. I got kind of mad at God because I felt like I did this already; I stepped out of my comfort zone hardcore and went to Africa with people I’d never met. Wasn’t that enough? Was He just trying to make me miserable for kicks and giggles? Well, He probably was. I mean if I was God I would do that…Anyways, I’m sure God is trying to teach me something…but I’m trying to figure out what it is.

While I have no idea what it really is that He’s trying to teach me, sometimes I like to guess :) Guess #1….I realized there was a very good chance God’s teaching me to rely on Him and not on other people. I thought this was a lesson I learned in Africa…but it was way easier there (which sounds ridiculous because nothing is easier in Africa! Especially not bathrooms…). In Africa I had no choice but to rely on Him, I didn’t have my best friends or my family to lean on. I didn’t have anyone else but Him. It was easy. When I got back to the States I wholeheartedly started to suck at life again. I didn’t “need” God anymore, I felt safe, comfortable, happy, so I basically ignored Him. Not entirely…but a lot more than I should have. I tried to justify it 1,000 different ways but let’s be honest…I sucked like a vampire at a blood bank.

My point is….maybe it’s good that I don’t know anyone here. There’s a lot less distractions and a lot more time for me to just hang out with God, which I need to learn to do better. I’m learning to rely on Him even when I don’t “need” Him because of something crazy or awful going on in my life.  I’m learning a lot about living a normal life for Christ…which doesn’t sound exciting but is so so important. Anyone can be an awesome person in Africa, it’s a lot more difficult to be awesome in the States. So let’s hope I can keep that up and I don’t suck so bad that I end up in the next Twilight book….

After Africa

I've decided to keep my blog, even though I am no longer in Africa and no one probably cares much about what I'm doing now....but nonetheless, I decided that I'm going to keep updating it every few weeks or so. Who knows what about, but I'll come up with something. If nothing else I'll just tell everyone what I ate for lunch that week....so you better pray some exciting things happen in my life so you aren't reduced to reading about my turkey sandwiches and Cup o' Soups.

That being said...I've officially changed the name of my blog to Kelsey's After-Africa Adventures. I thought that was fitting considering I probably won't be in the same place for more than a few months at a time for the next year or so...and this seemed easier than changing its name every 3 months.

So there you have it. Enjoy.

PS....today for lunch I had a BLT salad from LaRosas....

A Few Things...

I thought I'd go ahead and put up some links on here just in case anyone is interested in learning more about Mathare Valley or about sponsoring a child or whatnot. Also...for those of you who don't have Facebook, I'll put up a link to my pictures, too!

This is the organization that I worked with this summer. There's lots of good information on here: http://www.hopemissionsintl.org/home

And here: http://cmfi.org/partner/hopepartnership

If you're interested in sponsoring a child in Mathare Valley you can email Sue Warren at CMF and she will help you out: Suewarren@cmfi.org

This is a link to my pictures from the summer: http://picasaweb.google.com/kelseymcmullen/Kenya2010?feat=directlink

Taco Bell, On Demand Cable, and Mountain Dew---Oh America

I'm back in America! Hooray! I am oh so sorry that it took me so long to write again since I've been back, but I have been extraordinarily busy eating lots of tasty foods and laying in my air conditioned house watching On Demand cable :) I did miss the joys of America so so much! But in all seriousness, I really have been spending a lot of time thinking about my experiences, thinking about what I learned and what I saw. So I just wanted to share some of those things with you, kind of a brief overview of what God taught me over the last 2 months!

One of the things God was shoving in my face and forcing me to realize, whether I wanted to or not, the entire time I was in Kenya was how faithful He is....always....no matter where I am. He's always there for me, leading me through my ridiculous life on earth, showing me that He knows better than I do, but that He's also looking out for me and making sure I don't screw things up too badly for myself :) He also taught me a lot about joy and what it means to be content no matter what my circumstances are. These two things kind of went hand in hand a lot this summer. To be honest, I went through a lot in 2 months...more ridiculous things happened to me in those 2 months than in 3 years of living in the States. In 8 weeks I sprained my ankle (and had to walk on it for the next 6 weeks!), got crazy sick at least twice (and got less than crazy sick countless times), found out my sister was getting divorced, chipped my tooth, was broken up with, got an infection in my chipped tooth, was in crazy pain for 2 weeks, and then found out I needed a root canal as soon as I got home. Oh and then I had a sinus infection during our safari and plane ride back. Sometimes I felt like God was just throwing things at me to see what I could handle and was probably laughing at me a good bit along the way (in a loving, "laughing with you" kind of way, of course). 

Needless to say, there were more than enough opportunities for me to feel discouraged, sad, and super angry. But I didn't. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I handled everything this summer with complete maturity and understanding, I definitely had my low moments, but God was with me through all of them. Every time something happened He used it to teach me about myself, about Him, and about life in general. Despite all that happened, I've never felt more joy in my entire life than I did while I was in Kenya. Not happiness necessarily, but joy. I was content. And I know for a fact those feelings came straight from God because there's no way I could manufacture those feelings while everything was happening. It was really amazing to realize that God had a hand in everything and that He was using my situation to make me better, to make me grow. God made Himself more apparent to me during those times than ever before. What was even more amazing was that I had no one but Him to rely on through that. I was thousands of miles away from my closest friends, my family, the people I would normally talk to when things went wrong--which forced me to rely on God for comfort. And I'm so glad I did because He taught me that He has more answers and is more comforting than all of my family and friends combined (sorry guys, you're all still great, though). I learned that He should always be the first one I turn to, no matter what happens. It's so easy to forget that when you have amazing people around you.

One of the other things I really began to understand this summer was how awful and selfish I am. I also realized what an insanely huge task it is to try and fix myself and make myself into who God wants me to be, who God made me to be. I literally could not do it. I am way beyond the point of fixing myself, we all are. I think that is honestly one of the things that has kept me from really trying to grow in the past, just the overwhelming notion of how much work it would take. But what I learned this summer is that I don't have to do it, I can't fix myself. But God can and He wants to, I just have to let Him. It seems so crazy when you think about it, I know I'm ridiculously selfish so I'm going focus on myself more to try and fix myself. You're basically just feeding your own problem. If I'm going to allow myself to be fixed or to grow I can't focus on myself, I need to focus on God and on other people, on serving and loving them, and God will do the rest. I think this is one of my favorite lessons I learned this summer. When I first began to understand it, it was like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. I don't have to try to fix myself, because I know I would fail miserably if it was up to me. But God won't fail, God can't fail. I just have to leave it up to Him, give myself over to Him, and He will make me into the person He needs me to be in order to serve Him in the best way possible. 

Ok one last thing I learned this summer...I mean I learned 1,000 other things, but this is the last one I'll mention for now :) During our debriefing time they talked a lot about how it would be easy for us to get bitter toward  consumer-focused American culture after seeing so much poverty and brokenness in the slums. And a lot of people admitted that they were already having a hard time adjusting back....but for me, it was almost the opposite. I guess a lot of people come back and focus on the intense poverty of the slums, which is totally understandable---but for me, being in the slums made me actually feel worse for Americans. The people in Mathare Valley have literally nothing and they survive in really awful conditions, but they know they have nothing, they know they have to trust God to provide their next meal or keep them from getting a disease from the sewage that runs in front of their shack. They have more hope and faith than I can even fathom. People in America have none of that. We all have this false sense of security, this idea that we don't need God, He's like a Magic Bullet...you know, those weird blender things they have infomercials about at 3 am? He's not necessary to us. Sure He's a fun extra in life, He makes some great salsa and He proves to be very useful when we decide we want to use Him, but if your mom accidentally sold Him at a garage sale, your everyday life wouldn't really be any different. You could still chop up your own tomatoes need be. God's not like that in Mathare. He's more like oxygen. You literally need Him to survive. He's all you have, all you need. You could survive without anything except for Him. 

Seeing how much joy and faith and hope the Kenyans had just broke my heart for America. So many people go through their entire lives without ever experiencing real love or joy or completeness. People don't even know what real, pure, sacrificing love looks like and that kills me because I get to experience it every day, in 1,000 different ways. Spending 2 months in Kenya didn't make me want to criticize Americans for how they live, it made me want to show them love and acceptance and value. It made me want to share what I have with those who need it the most. So my point is...I learned that I don't necessarily want to be an overseas missionary. At least not yet, although I'm not ruling it out completely for the future. But for now, I learned that America is just as much of a missions field. People need Christ just as much here, if not more so. They aren't living in physical poverty, but they are very much living in emotional and spiritual poverty. And they need missionaries too. 

Ok one more thing I realized in Kenya (Sorry... I'll keep this short, I realize this is ridiculously long...but it kind of relates to that last bit, so I can't really leave it out now can I? Feel free to take a break, get a snack, take a nap, do whatever you need to do) is that we all have an immense power to affect other people in our everyday lives. Every time you interact with someone you leave an impression. You have the power to make or break a person's day every single time you interact with them. It's kind of a scary thought, to be honest. I don't like thinking that I have that much power over anyone else....but I do..and so does everyone. I mean, how many times has your day ever been made or broken by someone else's actions? Whether someone at the grocery store is super nice to you and makes you feel better about an awful day at work, or whether someone cuts you off in traffic and puts you in a bad mood for the rest of the night....we affect everyone we come into contact with. I never before understood the intensity of that...but it really is powerful. We have the ability to show people, every day, in every situation, that Christ loves them and that there is a real, pure, unconditional love out there for them to experience. It's a lot of responsibility to carry around....and it's scary....especially for someone like me who tends to be so self-centered that I forget there are even other people around me half the time. But it's reality, every time you interact with someone you change their world, even if it's just a little bit. That's one thing that I learned and won't be able to forget...no matter how much I might try :) 

Indian Giver

I'm starting my last week of work here in Nairobi..which is crazy! But one thing I've been thinking about a lot since I've been in Kenya is what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I graduated from college 2 months ago and I still have no clue what kind of career path I'm on...I realize that's something I probably should've figured out before graduation, but oh well! The point is, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. But I do know what I don't want to do with it...and that is live it completely for myself. I am honestly terrified of having a real grown up job (anyone who knows me knows that!) but I realize at some point it might be necessary. What scares me about it though, is the awful cycle of selfishness that grown up jobs come with. You work to get money to live but most of your life is spent at work....for what? So I can have a nice house and a car and cable and weekly trips to Taco Bell? It just seems like a crazy cycle to me. You're working just to sustain your lifestyle, your own standard of living. But why?? What good is it doing me or anyone to just have this mediochre life filled with work and spending money and more work and then spending more money? It just all seems crazy to me. Isn't the definition of insane doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? (Mind you, I didn't actually look that up, I heard it somewhere and am for some reason too lazy right now to type in "Definition of insane" into the little search box at the top of my browser...I guess Africa hasn't changed me that much after all haha) My point is...working just to get money to live, and then living just to work, seems like the actions of a crazy person.

I don't want to live like that. I don't want my life to be lived out for my own personal enjoyment. That's not why I'm here. I don't know what I want to do, but I know that I can't survive in a 9 to 5 job, just working for the money. I need more than that. I need to live for something or someone other than myself. I don't want to look back in 30 years and realize I have absolutely nothing to show for it but stuff.

I was thinking about that at church this weekend. We went to a pretty cool church service at the place we're staying, it was kind of American-ized but it was run all by Kenyans and seemed geared toward younger people. It was a good time. They played a number of songs I'd never heard of before and one of them went like this: "Yes, I surrender all. Yes, I turn it all over. Yes, it all belongs to you." While we were singing this I realized something....my life isn't my own anyways. It belongs to God. Living it for Christ isn't something I can do if and when I feel like it. It's who I am. I gave up my life a long time ago when I accepted Christ's gift of salvation and forgiveness and grace. It's not mine anymore, it's not up to me to live-- it's Christ's life. I am literally just a body for Him to use. It's ridiculous at this point for me to think about what I want to do or where I want to go or what I want to use this life for because it's not up to me.

This life isn't mine anymore, but for some reason I keep trying to use it like it is. I accepted Christ's gift and gave him my life, but for some reason I'm still trying to use it like it's my own. It's like giving someone a pair of socks for their birthday and then wearing the socks everyday for the next 10 years, but always referring to them as someone else's socks. That's just silly. You wear them, you wash them (hopefully), they're in your drawer at home. Just claiming they're someone else's socks doesn't make it true. You're treating them like your own. And that's what I've been doing with my life. I claim it's Christ's but I use it as my own. Basically, I'm an indian giver (please forgive the distasteful stereotype of Indians...I didn't coin the term, I just use it. I'm sure any time you get a gift from a real live Indian you get to keep it).

I gave up my life. I gave it to Christ. So it's kind of silly for me to be using it like it's my own to do what I want with. My life is Christ's so if he sees fit to give me a job or make me homeless or have me date someone or break up with them or be super healthy or get an awful disease....it's ok, because it's His life to do what He wants with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have no control over my own life or all my decisions are made for me. That's the whole point of free will, God trusts us enough to be stewards of the lives He has so graciously given us. And I'm also not saying that God is going to tell me specifically where to live or what to do or who to be with. I don't believe God has a super duper specific will for our lives, His will in general is for us to tell people about Him and His love. But God's will is a topic for a whole other discussion. My point is that they're God's socks, He's just letting me borrow them for now. So I need to act like it.

What I'm trying to say is that it's not my life to be lived for my own selfish desires. The purpose of my life isn't to be happy or to have money or to even have a family or a job. The purpose of my life is to spread the love of Christ. So no matter what I do or where I go or what happens to me in the next 10 years I know I need to keep in mind that this life isn't mine. I gave it away. I need to use it the way God wants me to---telling people that He loves them more than they can fathom and that all He wants is for them to love Him back.

**I'd like to make a short disclaimer here and just say that I do not think people with real grown up jobs are terrible people that live only for themselves and are incredibly shallow and selfish. There are much better people than me working real jobs and being amazing witnesses of Christ to their coworkers and neighbors and friends and everyone they meet. Personally, I just really hate having a real job :) I just wanted to throw that out there.**

The Comforts of Comfort

So one thing I am not in Kenya is comfortable. No matter how much fun I'm having or how great I feel, I'm still not ever comfortable. Whether it's because I don't understand cultural differences or because the thought of eating another plate of rice makes me want to stab myself in the eye or the jarring, roller coaster-eque matatu rides I take daily...I'm just not comfortable. But that's ok. One thing I've learned here is how insistent Americans are on their own personal comfort. Maybe not all Americans, but I know I sure was/am (although I don't really have a choice here).

People think their comfort is the most important thing in the entire world. I mean, we complain when it's hot, we complain when it's cold, we complain when we're hungry, we complain when we're full, we complain when someone cuts us off in traffic or when they're going too fast or too slow. We complain about everything because we think our comfort is the most important thing in everyone else's world. I'm realizing it really isn't.

I think I'm more guilty of this than anyone. Growing up in America you learn that literally anything you want is available to you almost any time you want it. There is little to nothing that we can't have or can't get. I realized how much I depend on my own comfort about a month before I left for Kenya. There were these shoes I really liked at Old Navy, they were really cute and comfortable and I didn't have to wear socks with them, and I always have to wear socks with shoes, so I was super excited to get them and wear them in Kenya with my capris and be a super styling American missionary :) I found them at an Old Navy in Cincinnati but they didn't have my size in the color I wanted, so I went home and checked online. They didn't have them there either. So I called all of the Old Navy's in a 30 mile radius and sure enough, none of them had the shoes I wanted. I was seriously upset. I remember being alone in my apartment, searching eBay and Amazon and every website I could think of to find a pair of these shoes and I couldn't find them anywhere, and then starting to freak out because these shoes literally no longer existed. I remember sitting there going on and on  (yes out loud, and yes I was alone, yes I was talking to myself don't judge) about how this is America and what kind of capitalistic democracy is this if I can't find one single pair of shoes that I want!? I should be able to find anything that I want, I mean, I'm in America for goodness sakes!

Yes I realize this was a bit of an overreaction. And I actually ended up finding a pair of the shoes I wanted haha So I can't say I learned my lesson. But I did realize that I am a ridiculous, spoiled, selfish American. I was actually surprised and upset when I didn't get exactly what I wanted. And that's not the first time that's happened. I think I am probably one of the most easily disappointed people on the planet. My entire day can be ruined because the Blue Chip Cookie store at the mall is out of M&M sugar cookies. How ridiculous is that?

But people in Kenya simply aren't like that. Not just because they can't afford it, but because they don't expect to be comfortable or catered to at every turn. Even middle class Kenyans live in some pretty rough conditions. Their transportation options are awful, at best. No one has their own car, they ride matatus everywhere, and it's never a fun of comfortable ride. It's literally always painful at some point, whether you hit your head on the roof or your knees on the seat in front of you or someone elbows you in the head or the driver decides that roads are more of a suggestion than a necessity. You can never get on one and expect a smooth, injury free ride.

Their restaurants are sketchy to say the least. Over half the time they don't have 75% of their menu. They just don't have it. Some days they have fish, some days they have chicken, some days they have beef, but rarely do you ever get the option of all 3. Whenever you order you have to have at least a Plan B, if not a Plan C, and you can never get excited about eating anything because chances are, they won't have whatever it is you want. No restaurant in America could survivie like that. People would be outraged if they couldn't eat exactly what they ordered. The whole concept of "the customer is always right" is completely ridiculous here. You take what you can get and you're thankful for it.

The restaurants are also insanely terrifying for a germophobe (luckily I don't suffer from that condition), people get food poisoning all the time and it's just no big deal. It's part of life. I heard some Kenyans talking about a prayer they say before they eat sometimes, something about God thank you for this food, please don't let it hurt us, Amen. They said it kind of as a joke, but they were serious. You really never know when the water or the fruit or the meat is going to make you crazy sick. If anyone gets food poisoning in America the entire judicial system comes crashing down on whatever poor restaurant owner accidentally bought a bad piece of beef.

I don't really have any sort of big, serious point here, except to say that being in Kenya has made me realize how focused I am on my own comfort, my own pleasurse, my own everything. I'm not saying that it has changed drastically, I mean I'm more aware of it now, but I still catch myself focusing on what I want or what I think I need or how I feel. I guess that's not something that ever goes away, especially for an American. But I really pray that by the time I get back I'll be more comfortable with being uncomfortable.

This Is Going To Be Super Cheesy....So Be Prepared

I was thinking about all the poverty in the slums of Nairobi. I mean it's intense. I was thinking about how physically their situations are rough, they live in tiny shacks the size of my bedroom made completely of tin and dirt. Their streets are filled with sewage. But then I was thinking, what's even worse to me is how emotionally broken their lives are as well. I could understand living in terrible situations but still having a semblance of a happy life because you have a stable family who loves you and good friends and community. But these people don't even always have that. So many of the people I've met, women especially, are single parents whose husbands left them after giving them HIV or were never even married to begin with. Many of their children's fathers left after they got pregnant. Many of them have multiple children with multiple fathers, all of whom left. So many of these peoples' families are completely broken. They can't afford school so their sons drop out and sniff glue on the streets of the slums to pass the time and forget about reality. Their daughters prostitute themselves to make money for the family or get pregnant as teenagers and are forced to keep the cycle of poverty alive. Some of these people have never experienced real love. Some of them wouldn't even know what it looked like.

As I was thinking about this I was overcome with thankfulness for the life I lead. I mean, I live in amazing conditions compared to these people. Even middle class people in Kenya don't live as well as lower class people in the States. I have a house, ok well I don't have a house but my parents graciously let me live in their house :) I have a car. I had my own apartment at one point. I have a whole kitchen, multiple bathrooms and bedrooms. I live an amazing physical life.

But then I started thinking, I live in amazing conditions emotionally, too. If that makes sense. I am convinced my family and friends are some of the most amazing people in the entire world. I had a bit of a rough weekend, just some stuff with people at home and whatnot, not important enough to discuss here haha But it was enough to upset me for awhile…but then I realized that no matter what I’m going through, I am still blessed beyond belief. I have parents who love me. Not all of the kids in the slums can say that. Shoot, not all of the kids in America can say that! They take care of me and support me and care about me and what I’m doing and how I am. They miss me when I’m gone. They hurt when I hurt. They’re thoughtful and considerate and caring. They would literally do anything they could for me. They would do anything to make me happy (not in a bad way, although my Dad always did have a hard time saying no to his daughters and one time let us eat 3 gingerbread houses in one night because my Mom was out of town). And they’re legitimately great, godly people. Anyone who knows them already knows that though :)

I also have 2 of the best sisters anyone could ask for. They’re seriously amazing. They’ve both offered to let me live with them when I get back from Kenya because they know I have no money and no plans for my life :) Just like my parents, they love me and care about me and would do anything they could to help me if and when I need it. They’re fun to hang out with and they actually like me, not just because they have to since we’re related and all, but they genuinely enjoy me (as far as I know…) and I enjoy them. Like my parents, they’re great people. And anyone who’s met them knows that!

Not only do I have an amazing family, but I have some of the best friends imaginable. I literally didn’t think it was possible to have friends like that. They care about me and how I am. They want to know about my life. They listen when I ramble for hours about whatever’s bothering me that week. They’re always there when I need them, even if I’m on another continent. And they’re always willing to have my back in any situation, even if I’m not in the right. Some of them have even offered to murder people for me before :) And they love me, even though they don’t have to, when I’m a jerk or when I’m in a bad mood or when I’m being selfish and unreasonable. They have truly shown me what it means to love someone like Jesus does, with no strings attached, just because you’re you.

I have so much. I am so blessed. And being here, seeing all the brokenness and poverty in the slums, has made me realize it so much more. I have an amazing life. I have a family and friends who love me no matter what, I have a God who loves me even though I suck at life most of the time and was even willing to become a person and die in a super awful way so that I could basically hang out with him forever. He doesn’t just love me because he has to, he likes me. He likes who I am even when I don’t. How fantastic is that?

Even when bad things happen, when I’m unhappy or hurt or sad or feel betrayed or rejected or unloved I just have to take a minute and see how amazing my life really is. I have more love in my life than I know what to do with. And it’s a great feeling.

Like I said, this was super cheesy. But I warned you all beforehand so it’s not my fault :)

The Worst of It

I see some pretty awful things most days. Anytime you're in the slums you're bound to see something that disturbs you or hear stories that are heartbreaking. I meet people that have insanely hard lives and tell you crazy stories about their homes being burned down because of the tribe they're from or their husband dying from AIDS after he gave it to them first or their children dropping out of school because they can't afford the fees. I see mothers crying in the streets and sending their 3 year olds out to beg for money so they can buy food. I see kids covered in flies and dirt, playing in piles of trash next to a herd of goats. I see entire homes that are smaller than my bedroom. I hear stories about prostitutes and alcoholics and AIDS patients and rape victims and people who are too poor to rent a shack in the slums. But what's funny is that these aren't the people that affect me the most. Don't get me wrong, it's all heartbreaking and terrible to see, but it's not what gets to me most of the time.

There are 2 things that I see in and around the slums that kill me the most, even more than all the things I mentioned before. The first one is people with disabilities. There are SO many it's unbelievable. Most of them are leg problems, their legs are deformed or they're missing feet or limbs. And so far I haven't seen a single wheelchair...at least not the American type. They have hand bikes that look kind of like large tricycles, but they're expensive and most disabled people can't afford them. There are tons of people who have to constantly use crutches because one or both of their legs don't work. I saw one man begging on the streets who had no arms and no legs, just laying on a blanket, with tubes running in and out of his body. There was one guy on the street whose leg was bloody and broken and had metal correctors sticking out of it. I've seen a few people who can't walk, so they put flip flops on their knees and crawl around that way. The first time I saw someone with a pretty intense disability was my first week here. I was in the slums and saw an old woman crawling toward me. She had legs but they didn't work, so she had flip flops on her hands and was pulling herself around, almost army crawling down the sidewalk. It was the closest I've come to crying so far. It was just so dehumanizing, this elderly woman crawling around on the sidewalk. She couldn't afford a wheelchair so this was her only option. It was awful.

What really kills me about this is that they don't have to live this way. Many of them probably wouldn't be disabled at all if they had received proper medical attention when they were born or after whatever accident caused their problems. If they lived in America they'd be leading happy, productive lives. They'd have the help they needed and the tools and resources to get around. But they just don't have those kinds of options here. Many of them have no one, no families, to help them, especially the ones that beg on the streets. We got curious about a lot of the people who have no legs and no arms who beg in the cities, just about how they got there and who's bringing them and if they have people to care for them. We asked and were told they have "friends" who bring them into the city to beg, leave them there for the day, and then come back in the evenings and take all the money they've made, leaving the disabled person with nothing. So it's not even like we can give them money and it will help them, since the money will just end up going to the "friends." It's really hard to walk by these people on a daily basis, knowing there's nothing you can do to help them. It's not that they're just poor, a lot of them are in genuinely hopeless situations.

There was one guy that a teammate of mine met that was different, though. They met him at his home during a visit with Missions of Hope. He had been disabled since birth and had no legs. He used his hands to crawl around. Then a year or so ago he was trying to cross the street and got hit by a mutatu, one of the public transportation buses. He was in the hospital for a number of months and was disabled even more severely after that, but they said he still had an amazing hope and spirit and an intense love for Christ, despite his situation. Instead of giving up and begging in the streets, he started his own business. He crawled outside of his home in the slums every morning and made chips to sell in the streets. I never met this guy, but his story has really stuck with me. Unfortunately, not all of the people I've seen have the same hope, which is really heartbreaking.

The other thing that I have a hard time with are the street boys that wander around the slums. Most of them are teenagers, though some are as young as 10 or 11. They either dropped out of school or couldn't afford to go anymore and spend their days wandering the slums, sniffing bottles of glue. They can't afford drugs or alcohol so they get high off glue. What's crazy is that they don't try to hide it or anything, they just sit in the streets with their faces buried in bottles of glue. They stumble around with glazed eyes and tattered clothes. Sometimes they pass out on the streets and look like dead bodies just sprawled out in the dirt. What kills me about these boys is their complete lack of hope for their own lives. Most of the people I meet have really difficult lives and live in terrible conditions, but they have hope. They have a love for Christ that is contagious. They trust Him with their lives and they constantly thank Him for everything they do have. But these boys don’t have any of that. They’ve literally given up on their lives and are just trying to escape reality by getting high. It’s just heartbreaking to see. Most of these boys are so young and have so much potential to become something great, but they can’t see that. All they see ahead of them is a life in the slums and they’ve given up even trying to get out and into a better life.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to see anyone suffering, no matter how happy they seem to be. But it’s so much easier to deal with when you know the people are ok spiritually and have joy and goals and hope for their future. It’s so difficult to see people who obviously have nothing but pain and desperation in their lives and know there’s nothing I can do to directly help them.

Debbie Downer :)

Ok so I debated about whether or not I should write this one. I decided yes. So I hope it wasn't a bad idea haha I know you all care a lot about me and what I'm doing, which is why I decided to share some of my struggles along with the amazing parts of my experience in Africa. I couldn't decide if I should or not because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer and I don't want you all to think I'm not having an amazing time, because I most definitely am. But to be honest, not every day is a good day and I definitely have had some hard times since I've been here. And I wanted to tell you about them too, because I know that you all care about what I'm going through whether it's happy or not! So this is going to be pretty honest and I hope no one takes this the wrong way or thinks that I’m not learning a ton or having an amazing time, because I really really am! I still love it, even on my bad days. So just bear with me through this…


So this past week has been a little rougher for me. I hurt my ankle last Friday, which meant I couldn't really go out and do much in the slums at all. So I spent a week in the office, alone a lot of the time, just typing up profiles and entering data into the computer. I was getting really discouraged to be honest because I kept thinking, there's no reason I'm here doing this. I could be doing this from my comfy couch in America. Why am I even here? It's something I definitely struggled with for a few days.

Another aspect of my work that is frustrating is that I don't get to have the awesome experiences and stories that a lot of the other interns have. Most everyone else works with the Social Work department or CHE (Community Health Evangelism), doing lots of home visits and HIV/AIDS support groups and disabled children's ministries. They come back in the evenings with incredible stories of people they've met that are missing limbs but still own a business or 22 year old single moms with 9 year old kids or prostitutes who are trying to change their lives. They get to meet in these people's homes and talk with them and pray with them and see the hope they have for their lives. I just started to get really discouraged this week because a lot of my time during the work day is spent either in the office typing up profiles or sitting through group meetings that are in Swahili. When I do get to talk to people in the groups I'm helping them fill out our forms, which gets really frustrating because of the language barrier. I know the people I talk to have amazing stories but it's so difficult to find out what they are because I don't have a translator with me like the other groups usually do.

So basically I was just getting really frustrated with my work last week. I really wanted to do something more and feel like I was making a difference. Then yesterday my entire perspective changed. We were at a church in Jaska, a boarding school for middle school kids, and our host missionaries Keith and Kathy Ham were there. I talked to Kathy for just a few minutes before lunch, but what she said really changed my attitude. She asked me what department I was working in and I told her I was in BDS doing profiles for the website and she just said “Wow, do you understand how big this is?” I didn’t necessarily know what she was talking about, but she went on to tell me how huge this project was and that it really was a big deal. This website is something they’ve been needing to get up for awhile, she explained, but they haven’t had the people or opportunity to do it. She told me these profiles on the website were going to change peoples’ lives by getting them loans that MOHI couldn’t necessarily afford.

I realized, in that moment, how selfish I had been in my attitude about work. I wanted to experience cool things and hear crazy stories to tell people back home. I wanted the emotional experience of meeting a woman who’s my age but had 3 kids and prostitutes herself to pay for their school. I didn’t necessarily want to help them or encourage them, I mean I do want to do that if I get the chance, but that was not my main motive. My motives were purely selfish. I wanted to meet those people and do those things for my own benefit, so I could be reminded of how lucky I am to live in America and to have the life I have. I wanted to have amazing stories for my friends and family so they would think I did something worthwhile. I dreaded going home and telling people I sat in an office half the time and typed up stories on a computer. But I realize how selfish that was of me. What I’m doing doesn’t necessarily do anything for ME, it doesn’t give ME a cool story or give ME an emotional or spiritual experience, but it helps OTHER PEOPLE! A concept I’ve always had a hard time with in the past. What I’m doing will directly affect hundreds of small business owners in Mathare Valley. It’s so cool to think that God is using me to help these people support their families. But it’s also very humbling. I’m not doing anything spectacular. I’m not necessarily getting a ton out of it, but God is doing amazing things for these people and He’s using me to do that. He could use anybody at all, it doesn’t take a lot to type of a 2 paragraph story, but He chose me. That’s a cool thought.

We all have a tendency to be self-centered, me more than most, I think. But God is really using this time to teach me that it’s not about me or my experiences or stories. I’m not here so I can tell people about what I did or how awesome my trip was, I’m here so I can help these people who don’t deserve to live like this.

Week 3

So I'm now in my third full week of my Kenya experience and it's still pretty exciting! Just to kind of keep you in the loop about what I'm doing....I'm working in the business development services (BDS) department and with their micro-enterprising program. Mostly what I'm doing this summer is talking to clients (people that have already received loans), taking down their information, and writing profiles about them and taking pictures of them and their businesses. Then these profiles are going to go up on the CMF website so people in the States can sponsor a person's business loan, kind of like you would sponsor a child. The website won't be up until the fall, but I'm really excited about working on something that I'll actually be able to see later! It's cool because a lot of the stuff we do here has very intangible results, so it's nice to work on something where you can see actual, physical progress. And don't worry, as soon as the website is up I'll post a link so you can all see what I did for 2 months!


It's been really amazing talking to these people, too. I have heard some really incredible stories, so far. A lot of the women I talk to are single mothers whose husbands died or left them and now they're caring for sometimes 5 or 6 or even 10 children, all alone, along with running their own businesses. I've also talked to a lot of people who overcame serious tribal violence around 2007 that happened after a disputed political election. Apparently, a guy from one tribe won the election, but the other guy was already in power (and was from a different tribe) and refused to concede the election, so there was massive violence between the tribes. Around 1,000 people died, but thousands more had their homes and businesses burnt down by rival tribes. A lot of the people who live in the slums now once lived on farms in the countryside but were chased out by rival tribes and forced to come into the city. I talked to one man whose mother is still in an IDP (internally displaced persons) Camp because of the tribal clashes.


One thing that has really affected me is the goals of the people I talk to. On the form I fill out with the clients there are questions about their goals in life and for their businesses and almost every single time their goals involve educating their children and moving out of the slums. That's all they want. They don't want the biggest house on the block or a new TV or a car or the most successful business in town, they just want their children to live better than they have. It definitely has made me rethink how I look at my own life and the things I get disappointed in and the things I focus on. If that is all it took to make people happy, shouldn't every American be competing for happiest person on earth? I mean, we have SO many opportunities in America to live successfully. Anyone can go to college, even if you're from a low income family. In fact, sometimes it's cheaper to go the poorer you are! You get more scholarships and loans and grants that way. It really is an amazing system. But here, going to college is a HUGE deal. Especially for people from the slums. Education is the most valuable thing these parents can give their children. It's just very powerful to see life from this point of view.


It's just amazing what these people have endured and how they're still so happy and joyful and so many of them love the Lord in a way that Americans could never even fathom. God is so much more apparent here, He's in everything they do. He's not an afterthought, like He so often is in America, He's their first and foremost thought, no matter where they are or what they're doing. I feel like so many Westerners are quick to blame God for bad things that happen in their lives, but these people, as far as I've seen, refuse to take on that mindset. They trust God to provide for them and they trust Him when they're jobless or when they find out they have HIV or when their homes get burnt down or when they can't afford to feed their children. It’s incredible and I wish everyone could just witness how godly these people are and how intentional they are about their faith!


Basically...I'm learning a ton. And God is teaching me so much just about life in general and what it means to be happy and have joy and trust in Him no matter what. It's been an incredible experience so far and I'm only a few weeks in! So thank you again for all of your thoughts and prayers and messages. They really are appreciated and so so helpful!

I just ask that you continue to pray for our safety and our ministry while we're here. Pray for health for everyone. And please pray for our attitudes! From what we've heard, things start getting rough culture-shock and homesickness-wise around the halfway point, which is where we almost are. So just pray that we can continue to focus on what we're here for and not get distracted by bad attitudes or homesickness.


Thanks so much! Love you all :)

Oh the joys of clean toilets...

Things I didn't realize I would miss about the US:


Internet

Electronics that work

Consistent electricity

Flushing toilets

Free toilets

Clean toilets

Toilet seats

Confidence that every bathroom will have toilet paper

Tacos

Doughnuts

Having an endless supply of clean water

Ice cubes

Cold drinks

The feeling of being clean. No matter how much I shower or wash my clothes, I always feel just a little bit gross still.

Personal space. Kenyans have no concept of personal space. I think at least 6 people run into me every time I walk through the city. And I mean directly run straight into me, and then just continue on as if nothing happened.

Understanding what everyone’s saying all the time. I am very lucky that a large number of Kenyans speak English…but a lot of them still speak in Swahili…a lot of the time

The smell of air (inhaling diesel exhaust fumes all day does not count as air)

Traffic. I know it sounds silly, but traffic in the United States is AMAZING! It’s so organized and there’s lights and stop signs and everyone knows where the lanes are. Here there are no lanes, people kind of go wherever they want…it’s insanely disorganized and slightly terrifying.

Blending in. I never realized how awesome the diversity of America is. Wherever I go in Nairobi people tend to look at me strangely because I’m white. In the slums the kids yell MZUNGU! (which means white person) whenever we go by. A lot of the Kenyans I’ve talked to make jokes about how people would probably yell “Black person!” at them if they went to the states but the awesome thing is that in America there are so many different kinds of people that it’s not a big deal when you see someone of a different race. And maybe that’s just my perspective because I’ve never been the minority before…but I am fairly certain that no one would yell “Black person!” if a Kenyan walked through the streets of Cincinnati…

The freedom of being able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. In Nairobi I can’t go anywhere without someone else, preferably two someone elses. And there are very specific parameters of where we should and should not be in the city.

The strong sense of security and justice. In the US I can be fairly certain that I won't be attacked or mugged or robbed but if I am, it's a huge deal, and the police will do something about it. Here...not so much.

The security of knowing most policemen are actually working for the good of society.

Knowing that as long as I don't break the law, there's very little chance I'll ever see the inside of a jail. While I'm not really worried about being falsely arrested (since I am an American and we're treated a bit differently here), there really is a good chance that if you live in a slum and are a person of little to no importance in the policemen's eyes you could be arrested for absolutely no reason and forced to pay a bribe to be let go. Even if you've done nothing wrong.

The cleanliness...not just the sanitary codes that surround every aspect of American life, which are great, but just the cleanliness of the cities and buildings. Everything in Nairobi is run down, even the "brand new" buildings. There's dirt everywhere. On everything. All the time. And trash. Mountains and mountains of trash.


Ok now don’t get me wrong here, I am having an AMAZING time in Kenya. It’s one of the best experiences of my life. I’ve had so much fun and I feel like I’ve learned so much already and it’s given me a really interesting new perspective on the world. This is not me going through the rejection station of culture shock :) These are just things I didn’t realize I would miss about America and things I’ve come to appreciate so much more after spending time in a less stable society. Although I did know I’d miss tacos…I mean that was just a given.

Week 1

So…it has been a VERY exciting and busy week! I feel like I’ve done so much and been gone so long, but it’s really only been 7 days, which is weird. I want to try to give you a quick rundown of what we did this week…I’ll try to remember everything and I'll try to keep it as short as possible!

They let us work in each different department at MOHI, so each day we worked with different people doing different things. It was nice to be able to see all that MOHI does…it really is amazing! They have so many different kinds of outreach to the community. On Monday I worked with BDS (Business Development Services), which is where I’ll be working for the rest of the summer. That department is the one that handles all of the microenterprising and everything. It was really cool because we got to go visit a few women in some different slums who want to become involved in MOHI’s microenterprising program. They had businesses but they needed help to expand them and make them more successful so we met with them in their homes and talked to them about what they do and what they’re looking to accomplish, so that was really interesting. Tuesday I worked with CHE (Community Health Evangelism) where we went through a slum and just met people and talked to them about Jesus, which in theory is very scary haha But it was actually a lot of fun! We met some really amazing people. Wednesday I did Social Work, we went to another slum and met with the parents of some of the kids that go to school at a MOHI center. Again, we met some really amazing people! They’re really all SO nice and welcoming, it’s really great to see. Thursday I worked with Christian Education and I got to spend the day in the school in a few different classrooms. That was SO much fun, just getting to see some of these kids and talking to them and hearing about their lives. We spent a few hours in the preschool which, needless to say, was absolutely adorable. Friday I worked in the Spiritual Development office. We got to do some home visits in the slums again, just meeting with people who have been coming to the church but haven’t accepted Christ yet. Again, it was really great! Haha

I’ve had a really amazing time this week getting to see how extensive MOHI is and all the different programs they have. They have programs for HIV/AIDS outreach, disabled children, they have a skills center where they teach women trades like cooking or sewing so they can support themselves and their families. It really is so amazing to see what God is doing here and how awesome and faithful these people are even in their physically horrific circumstances. I wish I could describe the slums to you but it really isn’t possible. It’s one of those things that you just have to experience, even pictures can’t do it justice. It’s just mile after mile of homes that can’t really even be classified as shacks. Most of them have dirt floors and are one room, just separated by sheets into sections. Most of their houses are as big as my bedroom at home. And they’re so dark inside. I went into one home that was literally pitch black, the woman had to hold my hand and guide me into a chair because I couldn’t see a thing.

The streets of the slums are full of sewage and garbage and animals. There’s goats and chickens running around everywhere. One thing I can’t even begin to describe is the smell. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced, and it’s only by the grace of God that I haven’t thrown up in some of these people’s homes yet! These truly are the worst conditions I could imagine a person living in. And the slums aren’t just in one area, they’re ALL around Nairobi. Millions of people live in them. What kills me the most is all the kids. There’s so many little kids running around that are sick and dirty and hungry. It’s hard to see and it’s really overwhelming, but it just makes me that much more excited to be working with MOHI and seeing what an amazing effect they have in these communities. It’s also really encouraging to see how joyful and faithful some of these people are despite their physical conditions. They live as terribly as anyone could, but they continue to have such an amazing faith in Christ and a joy that I can’t comprehend. It really is amazing to see. I think that’s the only word I can really use to describe it! It definitely gives me some serious perspective on my own life and on the things I let get me down or put me in a bad mood.

One word that kept coming to my mind during the last week is hope. That is what many of these people have and is what the rest of them need so badly. I keep coming back to the beginning of Romans 5…it says “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” This has really helped me this week, especially when I get so overwhelmed by the poverty and desperation of these places and these people and I feel so helpless because I know I’m not going to be able to improve their lives physically. But then I remember that no matter what we’re suffering through, whether it’s physical or emotional, the ultimate gift you can give anyone is HOPE, not necessarily for a better life physically, but for a better life through Christ. And the Christians that I meet in the slums have definitely shown me that hope in Christ is all you need for a joyful, fulfilling life!!

So basically…I’m having an amazing time so far!! Thank you all so much for your love and your prayers! Please keep them coming, I’m definitely going to need them as I get deeper into this! Love you all!!

I'm here!

Quick update for everyone. I'm finally in Africa! It's been a crazy trip but it's totally been worth it so far. It has been a rough few days, we've all been so tired and we're trying to get on the right time schedule, it's very difficult! But we're working on it. Yesterday we got a tour of the Missions of Hope International (MOHI) Center where we'll be working and we got to walk around the slums a bit, which was unreal. It's so crazy to see people actually living in those conditions. I'll try to take some pictures and add them later. And I'll tell you more about it when I spend some more time there, but for now just know that it's crazy and unlike anything in the US.

Today some of the Kenyans who work at the MOHI Center showed us around Nairobi, which was amazing. It's a really cool city. And so far, the food is actually pretty good! So that was a nice surprise. The people we'll be working with are really amazing and a lot of fun, so I'm really excited about that too. Case in point, I'm having an amazing time so far! Thanks for all the prayers, I'll continue to need them as we start getting into our actual work in the slums. Love you all!

And the Adventures Begin...

Ok....so just a quick update! Our travel plans are NOT quite what we thought they were going to be :) Our flight from Indy to DC was delayed by 3 hours last night so we missed our connecting flight to London. However, after much finagling we were able to get hotel and food vouchers so we stayed in a really nice Hampton Inn. We got in about 3 am and we don't have to check out until 12:30, which is nice. Unfortunately, they did split up our group for flights today which was kind of inconvenient. One group leaves at 6pm tonight for London and the rest of us (including me) leave at 10pm. One girl had to go by herself at 9am but she was pretty ok with it. Also, thanks to the AMAZING Clare McGill for being willing to take care of her while she's in London without the rest of us for a night! You are fantastic Clare and I love you :)

We're still not entirely sure what's going on once we get to London. Our boarding passes don't have our information for our flight to Nairobi yet, so we'll just have to wait and see when we're flying out. It's getting pretty exciting already! haha I've actually been really impressed with our team so far. Everyone seems pretty laid back and flexible with all of these issues so that's been great. But if you guys wouldn't mind just continuing to pray for our team and that we can all make it there safely without too many more issues that would be fantastic. Thanks everyone! Love you all!

It's Finally Here!

So I'm definitely leaving for Africa today!!! How crazy is that? I'm so excited though. This week at training has been really amazing but I'm absolutely ready to get out to the field and actually experience what we've been talking about so much this week. I am SO READY to be in Nairobi finally!!

In case anyone was curious, our flight leaves from Indianapolis at 7 pm, we have a short layover in DC until about 9, then we leave for London. We should get to London around 10 am and we have a 10 hour layover there, then we leave for Nairobi at 8 pm on Wednesday night. We should arrive in Nairobi early on Thursday morning.

I know I've mentioned this before, but I'm not sure how great the internet service is in Kenya, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to keep you all posted on what's going on, but I'll try to keep it updated as much as possible so you guys know what I'm up to! I really do appreciate all the love and the prayers, they will be much needed during the next 2 months!! I figured since you're already praying for me I might as well give you specific things to pray for as they come up :) so as of now I'd really appreciate it if you would pray for safe travels for my team and I and that everything would go smoothly and we'd get there without incident, that we would be able to deal with homesickness and culture shock, that we would stay focused on building relationships with the people we meet, and that we'd be able to make a difference in the life of at least one person.  Also if you guys wouldn't mind praying that we all get along and have an AMAZING time together that'd be great! Thank you so much for loving me and even wanting to know what I'm doing with my summer! You guys are all amazing and I love you all oh so much.

Kelsey's Magic Book

So right now I'm at our pre-departure orientation (PDO), basically just our pre-trip training. I have to admit I was super nervous about it before I got here, I thought it was going to be really boring and they were going to force me to do silly team building exercises and games that I would hate, but it's actually turned out to be really fun and very useful! I've met a lot of great people and it's been such a good time, so thanks to everyone who's been praying for me even before I leave the country!!

I've also been learning a lot more about what I'll be doing while I'm in Kenya. We had an entire afternoon to talk to one of the guys in charge of the whole micro-financing program for CMF and we found out tons about what they do and where we'll be involved and what they expect of us, so that's exciting. I really can't wait to get there and get to work helping out with the already amazing program they have running!

Also, I wanted to tell you all (and by you all I mean the 5 people that are probably reading this haha) about the AMAZING going away gift I got!! Jennifer Cherish Stone, my bestest friend in the whole entire world, gave me what she calls Kelsey's Magic Book. She talked to all of my best friends and my family members and had them write me letters or notes or funny encouragements for when I'm in Kenya. It really is the most amazing gift I've ever gotten and will help SO much when I'm feeling homesick. So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who contributed, I really can't tell you how much it means to me. I have the most amazing friends and family in the world. I've really never felt so loved before and it is so comforting to know there are so many people back home praying for me while I'm wandering random continents. So really, thank you so much for all the love and support you've all given me in preparation for this trip. I'm so grateful to have you all in my life and I can't wait to be able to come back and tell you amazing things about my summer!!! Love you all :)

TOMORROW!

So I'm leaving TOMORROW for training in Indy! I really couldn't be more excited, which is good, because I thought at this point I'd be super nervous and scared but I actually feel really great. So thanks to everyone who's been praying for me, it's totally working :) I'm not actually packed yet, which probably isn't good, but we're working on it. I have everything I need to take, but the tricky part will be fitting it all in my suitcase and making it weigh less than 50 pounds! 

To be honest, I am not exactly looking forward to the training part. I'd really rather just go to Africa tomorrow instead of waiting a week! But I am excited to get to meet and hang out with all my teammates for the summer. This is just such an exciting moment in my life, I'm getting ready to embark on this exciting adventure that will (hopefully) change the way I see the world. So mostly, I just want to say thank you again to all of the people who have been helping me out and supporting me and praying for me. I really couldn't have done this without you! I'd like to especially thank my family for being so proud of me and for being so supportive and for taking 1,000 trips to Wal-Mart with me while I try to get everything I'll need. You guys are the best and I love you :) But that's enough of the cheesy stuff....

I also thought everyone might like to know that I watched an episode of Man vs. Wild last night where Bear Grylls parachuted into the Kenyan wilderness. He taught me how to avoid elephant stampedes and lion attacks and how to survive on dead zebras and elephant excrement....so if anyone is worried about my safety, don't  be. Bear taught me everything I need to know if I get left behind during the safari or am carried off by an angry wildebeest or something. 

So to sum up....Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support, I will really appreciate them while I'm gone! And I know how to eat dead zebra. That about takes care of it...

1 Week!!!!

I'm leaving in 1 week!! Ahh! So crazy. I have so much to do before I leave it's kind of overwhelming, but I'm super excited!

Anyways, a lot of people have been asking about my living arrangements in Nairobi so I thought I'd tell you as much as I know. As far as I've heard, I'll be living at the Ufungamano House, which is on the campus of the University of Nairobi. I'm pretty sure all 20 interns will be living in the same house, but I'm not entirely positive about that yet.

Also, if anyone gets the urge to send me real letters while I'm in Nairobi that would be awesome!! I should be able to check my e-mail pretty frequently, so you can always e-mail me, but real letters are always an exciting surprise :)  And as much as I'd appreciate it, I can't get packages or boxes or anything that doesn't fit into a regular envelope! But if you'd like to write, my address down there will be:

Kelsey McMullen

PO Box 59322

00200 City Square

Nairobi, Kenya

East Africa

Battling Self-Imposed Illiteracy

So my college career is coming to a close, which is super weird. I'm finished with all of my assignments and now I'm basically just waiting to graduate...how crazy is that!?

In any case, I have another question for everyone. Let me start by saying this, I love reading. It's one of my favorite things to do, when it's for fun, that is. But for the last 4 years I've really only read school assigned books and I feel like I've missed out! I know I'm going to have most of my evenings free when I'm in Kenya and I'd like to catch up on my reading for fun. That being said, what are some awesome books that I should take with me to Kenya? 

I need some ideas, whether it's fiction, non-fiction, pseudo-fiction, whatever! It needs to be something that will be crazy amazing/entertaining that I'll love so much I won't be able to put it down. Some of the ones I've purchased so far to bring are The Bell Jar, Blue Like Jazz, and Catcher in the Rye. 

Does anyone have any suggestions of books I can't live without reading!?

I'm all out of....ideas

So. I need some opinions/suggestions here. Before I leave for Kenya I'm supposed to pick out a few different gifts to bring along. I need gifts for my host missionary family and for any Kenyan nationals that I work with and "befriend," if you will. Any ideas?

They said we could bring things the missionaries can't get in Kenya, like food items, or newer books and whatnot. For the nationals we're supposed to bring multiple little things that we can give to lots of different people, like keychains or something.

But I need some specific ideas. So, if you have any, do share! I could use all the help I can get.

It's a Miracle!!

So I have some exciting news for everyone...I've reached my goal for Kenya!!!! I officially have all the money required to go! How awesome is that!?! I seriously can't believe it. Just a month ago I was only at 40% of my goal. It's amazing how it's all come together so quickly.


For those of you who have donated, I seriously can't thank you enough! (For those who didn't, I still love you :) I had no idea I'd get that kind of response when I sent out my letters. I've had over 70 people donate money so I can do ministry in Nairobi this summer. 70!!!  It really blew me away. I didn't even know I knew that many people! haha But it's awesome to know I'll have so much love and support here in the States when I'm overseas. So thank you so much everyone! Seriously, you have no idea what your generosity means to me. 


I still can't believe I've reached my goal already. I honestly thought at this point in the semester I'd be making mass phone calls and begging and pleading for money from everyone I've ever met. So....thanks for not making me do that :) 


If you haven't donated and still want to help the ministry e-mail me at kelseymcmullen@gmail.com and I can give you a few other ways you can help out!


Thanks so much everyone! You're all amazing and I love you all oh so much! 

Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!

Yes that is a Lil' Jon reference. Moving on...


I got some of my shots for Africa today! Which by the way, are super expensive!! And yes, it does hurt. A lot. I feel like that slab of meat Sylvester Stallone practiced on in the first Rocky movie. I had 5 different shots today...yellow fever, typhoid fever, hepatitis A, H1N1 (which I'm still afraid is going to kill me rather than help me), and a polio booster. Although I don't think I'd be that mad if I got polio...I'd feel like FDR. 


So I have a question for everyone...and by everyone I mean the 6 people that are probably reading this...4 of which I'm most likely related to  :) The nurse at Passport Health, where I went for my shots, was trying to make me get the rabies vaccine. Is that really necessary? Or is it a good idea? The nurse told me that even if I get the vaccine I should still go directly to a hospital if I get bit or scratched....so whether or not I get it I have to go to a hospital if I get bit. Also...it costs $250 per shot...and I'd have to get 3...that equals $750!  (Thank you CCU math department) So is that worth it? Do they really help that much? 


While I'm at it...does anyone have any other type of overseas travel tips? Any specific kinds of medicine I should bring with me or things I wouldn't think to bring? I want to be overly prepared...like a boy scout on crack.


If I do get rabies though, I know Michael Scott can tell me how to handle it.....

"Maybe there's some sort of animal that we can make a sacrifice to. Like a giant buffalo. Or some sort of monster... something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion, or something with the body of an egret. With the head of a meerkat. Or just the head of a monkey with the antlers of a reindeer. With a body of.... a porcupine."

Blog anyone?

Ok so if you're reading this you probably already know that I'm spending 2 months in Nairobi, Kenya this summer doing mission work with CMF. I'll be working mostly with the micro-financing ministry, providing Kenyans with small business loans and explaining how to run a business, save money, etc. while at the same time instilling Christian ethics and teaching about prayer, evangelism, and other biblical principles. It's a really unique ministry and I'm super excited to be a part of it.

I thought I'd start a blog so everyone (especially my very generous supporters!) could keep track of what I was doing over there and how everything was going, but I figured I'd start now so you guys can also keep track of how my Kenya preparations are going! I've never done a blog before though, so bear with me while I figure out what I'm doing!!