Thanks, hackers

So I recently took a walk down memory lane thanks to some hackers who messed with my hotmail account. Doesn't make sense does it? Hold on, it will! Quit whining :) Anyways, I got some weird e-mail virus on my super old hotmail account last week so I had to go through and make sure it was all gone, and while I was doing that I found a ton of old e-mails, some from my freshman year of high school all the way up to sophomore year of college. And even a few that were pretty recent. They were random e-mails that I kept because they meant something to me at the time, and they were all from random people, friends, cousins, ex-boyfriends, etc. But going through these was one of the most amazing things I've done in awhile. I got to glimpse pieces of my life from high school through college, what I was thinking, feeling, who I was close to, who felt close to me, what I was up to or upset about or excited for. It's crazy because I'd say those are probably some of the most important years of your life when it comes to forming who and what you are and will become. And it's so great to be able to look back and see who had an impact on me, who changed me, whose ideas and philosophies I appreciated then and understand completely differently now. It's just great.

 

And it's exactly what I needed today. It was another slightly depressing day where I felt like my entire life was behind me because college was over (which means fun is over) and the only possible future I could imagine included me living a life of uselessness and misery and ended with me dying alone and unsatisfied with what I'd done with myself (Yes, I realize that sounds overly dramatic and despondent and yes I'm over it now, don't worry).

 

But I came across these e-mails and it made me realize that I've lived a great life, even if I didn't always appreciate it at the time. I've had amazing people in my life molding me and shaping me, whether they knew it or not, into what I am now and what I will one day become. It's cool to see little bits of other people in my own characteristics and personality, little bits that are there to remind me of some great people who have really impacted my life. And it made me realize that I've had great relationships with people and I've made some great memories and it doesn't have to stop just because I graduated. I mean I realize no one else really thinks that, but sometimes it kind of feels like that for me now.

Anyways, I didn't want to end up sounding super sad and depressed and miserable, which is how I think this kind of turned out...so sorry. Just read it out loud in a squirrel voice and it'll sound a lot happier. Or giggle at the end of  each sentence or something. My point is, it's awesome to be able to look back and see who I was compared to who I am now (I'm much less awkward now, believe it or not. I know, hard to believe). And hopefully in another 5 or 8 years I'll get to look back at these blog posts and be embarrassed that I ever thought these silly things. Hopefully I will know much more by then and I'll look back and think I am really ridiculous and slightly stupid right now. And hopefully I'll be able to look back and see how God took everything that I thought was bad and wrong in my life and pieced it together like a jigsaw puzzle (a super tricky jigsaw puzzle because God is way too smart for those 1000 piecers) to make something amazing and wonderful and totally worth all the ridiculousness and frustrations and "Why the heck did I do that's." That would be great.