*I would like to take a moment right here to say that the people I DO know here are awesome and have done an amazing job of hanging out with me and making sure I don't feel lonely and taking me on their dates when I'm sure they didn't want to :) And I appreciate that oh so much!! That being said, they aren't always around, we all have very different work schedules so I don't get to see them both all the time. Plus they're kind of engaged so I'm sure they don't want me hanging around all that much*
My point is, I never realized how important people are in your life. Jobs, cars, money…it all means nothing if you don’t have people to share it with. I know that seems obvious and everyone should know that…but apparently I didn’t haha Last week the 2 people I knew were out of town and working so I went exploring a part of Columbus that I heard had a lot of cool, eclectic stores and restaurants. It kind of reminded me of Clifton. Anyways, I went down there by myself to just sort of see what it was like--I’d also like to mention that I don’t normally mind going places by myself, I actually do it a lot when I don’t even have to. But it’s different when it’s not a choice, when it’s forced on you haha
So I was wandering around and I started to notice there were tons of groups of people waking and shopping and eating together...and for the first time in my life I got jealous of the people that had friends. It seems silly, I mean I have friends (or so I tell myself) but I was seriously jealous that these people had other people to just be with them. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until then. There’s no one for me to call to go to dinner with me or go to Target with me or to come over to watch my new Office Season 6 dvds. It’s weird to go from college, where there were people around all the time, to Africa, where there were people around all the time, to Columbus where there’s people around all the time, but I don’t know any of them…
I struggled with this a good bit over the last couple of days. I got kind of mad at God because I felt like I did this already; I stepped out of my comfort zone hardcore and went to Africa with people I’d never met. Wasn’t that enough? Was He just trying to make me miserable for kicks and giggles? Well, He probably was. I mean if I was God I would do that…Anyways, I’m sure God is trying to teach me something…but I’m trying to figure out what it is.
While I have no idea what it really is that He’s trying to teach me, sometimes I like to guess :) Guess #1….I realized there was a very good chance God’s teaching me to rely on Him and not on other people. I thought this was a lesson I learned in Africa…but it was way easier there (which sounds ridiculous because nothing is easier in Africa! Especially not bathrooms…). In Africa I had no choice but to rely on Him, I didn’t have my best friends or my family to lean on. I didn’t have anyone else but Him. It was easy. When I got back to the States I wholeheartedly started to suck at life again. I didn’t “need” God anymore, I felt safe, comfortable, happy, so I basically ignored Him. Not entirely…but a lot more than I should have. I tried to justify it 1,000 different ways but let’s be honest…I sucked like a vampire at a blood bank.
My point is….maybe it’s good that I don’t know anyone here. There’s a lot less distractions and a lot more time for me to just hang out with God, which I need to learn to do better. I’m learning to rely on Him even when I don’t “need” Him because of something crazy or awful going on in my life. I’m learning a lot about living a normal life for Christ…which doesn’t sound exciting but is so so important. Anyone can be an awesome person in Africa, it’s a lot more difficult to be awesome in the States. So let’s hope I can keep that up and I don’t suck so bad that I end up in the next Twilight book….
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